Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Instruction for reading: Read in an Italian
accent

I am a Italiano One day ima gonna LA to bigga
hotel. In a morning I go down to eat breakfast. I
tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She
brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two
piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no
understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She
say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma
*****. I don't even know the lady and she call me
sonna ma *****!

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The
waitress bring me a spoon and knife but no fock.
I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone
wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I
wanna fock on the table. She say you better not
fock on the table, you sonna ma *****.

So, I go back to my room ina hotel and there is
no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and
tella him I wanna ****. He tell me to go to
toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna **** on
my bed. He say you better not **** onna bed, you
sonna ma *****.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say:
"Peace on you." I say piss on you too, you sonna
ma *****, I gonna back to Italy!

2006-07-16 19:29:03 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Just make me laugh. You can use anything, a joke, a riddle with a good comclusion, a story, or just about anything. Just no flameing, or making fun of anybody. I think the world could use more laughter, and I'm getting sick of people complaining about how much better they are than other people. So come on...

MAKE ME LAUGH!

2006-07-16 19:28:05 · 10 answers · asked by MobBots 3

2006-07-16 19:23:53 · 7 answers · asked by dutch94199 2

i got roasted so bad with those jokes the only ones i have is
your mommas so dumb she took a cup to see the movie juice
and yo mammas so fat..every time she moonwalks theres an eclipse

do you have some? if so lend me a few good ones

2006-07-16 19:10:42 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

lmao my frnd told me that joke i jus had to bite it..

2006-07-16 19:04:37 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

What event did he say this at?
Out of all of the jokes he said at that event what was your favorite?

Worth 10 points for correct answer to question #1 & #2 & a honest answer to #3.

2006-07-16 19:01:28 · 2 answers · asked by Questions/Answers Critic (QAC)! 3

George walks in a small Chinese restaurant, found a table and placed his order for a hard-boiled egg. After 2 minutes, Mr. Wong came out of the kitchen with an egg in a plate. George cracked it up and found out that there is nothing but shell. Hungry and angry he again ordered for another hard boiled egg. Again, Mr. Wong brought another one and for crying out loud, George found that it is again empty. He went up to Mr. Wong furious and asked if he is trying to make fun of him. Mr. Wong went to the kitchen got a whip and stormed out of the restaurant into his poultry whipping and shouting at the roosters and hens: “I tord you many times not use condom!”

2006-07-16 18:32:06 · 12 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

http://www.pappywishbone.com/Pappys-Nastygram/

2006-07-16 18:30:02 · 9 answers · asked by taquitoville 2

Fill in the blank with your best answer....Be creative!

2006-07-16 18:28:20 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are in a evacuated area and the worlds deadlest hurricane is about to hit. anyone inside the area will die. you find a car and you are about a 50 miles from saftey. you see some people at the bus stop. It your best friend(he saved your life), an 80 yearold woman, and the girl/boy of your dreams. But you can only fit one person in the car who do you save?

2006-07-16 18:18:43 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

CLue: not sisty minutes

2006-07-16 18:09:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

I like Sally little riddles, do you like them? You know. Sally Little is the little girl that likes somethings but not others. So here is one of my own:

Sally Little likes somethings.
She likes moons, but not suns
She likes ballons, but not globes
She likes stars, but not nights
She likes hearts, but not love

Can u tell me some other things she likes?
And what is it that she truly likes?

2006-07-16 18:07:49 · 11 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

The 22nd and the 24th presidents of the United States had the same mother and the same father,but were not brothers. How could this be so?

2006-07-16 18:06:55 · 11 answers · asked by chelsea 1

2006-07-16 18:05:36 · 4 answers · asked by burnt bob 4

John: What lie is close to the truth?
Fred: There is no such thing! A lie is a lie and truth is a truth!
John: Yes, there is a big lie that is very close to the truth! I can prove it too!
Fred: Ok, tell me and I will believe you!
John: When you were born, you came out from your mother’s butt!
Fred: I did not come out from my mother’s butt. That’s a big lie!
John: Yes, but it’s 1 inch away from the truth!

2006-07-16 18:05:25 · 8 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

Ok. Here goes:

A man was passing through a village when he saw a shopkeeper crying. Upon being asked of his plight, the shopkeeper said that he had been robbed of his money the previous day without him knowing until the next morning. The man then asked the shopkeeper where he hid the money, to which the shopkeeper said this:

"In a lavender house without any rooms
the treasure lay secret in the mysterious gloom;
locked by a key of hatred and scorn
whose only escape is constricted and torn"

The man, who was quick of wit, immediately knew the answer to the riddle, as well as how the thief managed to steal it!

Can you figure out the answer? The first post to give where the money was hidden and how it was stolen will win. Good luck!

2006-07-16 17:59:09 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 17:55:14 · 7 answers · asked by burnt bob 4

crazy reaction aint it!?

2006-07-16 17:52:20 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is a most unusual paragraph. find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so ordinary you'd think nothing was wrong with it - and in fact, nothing is wrong with it. It is unusual though. Why? Study it, , and you may find out. . If you work at it for a bit it will dawn on you. So jump to it and try your skill at figuring it out. Good luck - don't blow your cool dude!

2006-07-16 17:47:03 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 16:42:02 · 11 answers · asked by burnt bob 4

2006-07-16 16:40:42 · 18 answers · asked by burnt bob 4

Who came first....the chicken or the egg.

I know the answer, do you???

2006-07-16 16:39:30 · 6 answers · asked by Mischelle 4

*Try not to skip ahead*

Think of a number from 1 to 10
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Multiply that number by 9
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If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together
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Now subtract 5
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Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the
number you ended up with
(example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)
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Think of a country that starts with that letter
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Remember the last letter of the name of that country
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Think of an animal that starts with that letter
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Remember the last letter in the name of that animal
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Think of a fruit that begins with that letter
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hmmm are you in the 2% or the 98%?
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If you're in the 2% congrats
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but if you're in the 98% I know what you are
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You're a Kangaroo eating an Orange in Denmark

2006-07-16 16:30:57 · 40 answers · asked by owensb01 3

Anyone who can come up with a joke to make me laugh wins ten points.

2006-07-16 16:16:02 · 6 answers · asked by hpotter4ever2000 4

One day, Stan was hanging out on the beach flirting with women, but he didn't seem to be getting much attention. So, he asked his buddy Jerry what he should do.

"Put a potato in your swimsuit. That'll drive the ladies wild!"

So, he took his advice and went back to the beach with the potato in his swimsuit. However, the women laughed when they saw him instead of acting interested. Later on that afternoon, after having no luck at all, he happened to see Jerry on the beach and asked him "Hey man, I did what you told me, and I'm STILL not having any luck!"

Jerry replied, "No Stan ... you're supposed to put the potato in the front."

2006-07-16 16:06:56 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

glasses can but contacts can't
books can but a reader can't
wood can but iron can't
eels can but a fish can't
your feet can but your hands can't
Bobby can but Robert can't
JoAnn can but Jo can't

the list goes on... what's the pattern that lets you through?

2006-07-16 16:04:56 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 16:02:44 · 10 answers · asked by Caitlyn B 1

2006-07-16 15:51:13 · 16 answers · asked by ? 6

Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse were up in a hotel room and decided that they wanted to have sex. Well, the first thing Minnie asks is, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald says "No."

Minnie tells Donald that if he doesn't get a condom that they can't have sex and suggests to Donald that he go buy a condom. She says that maybe they sell them at the front desk.

Donald proceeds to go downstairs and gets to the front desk. He asks the hotel clerk if they sell condoms.

The clerk says "yes we do" and pulls one out from under the desk and gives it to Donald.

The clerk asks "Would you like me to put that on your bill?"

Donald says "NO! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, SOME KIND OF PERVERT?

2006-07-16 15:40:17 · 17 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

it must have been him as i saw right through his disguise

2006-07-16 15:33:22 · 21 answers · asked by leonard24seven 4