Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Are you a crackpot?

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of
a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack
in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full
portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the
house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years
this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half
pots full of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was
proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the
poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable
that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to
do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke
to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself,
and because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the
way back to your house." The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice
that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on
the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your
flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every
day while we walk back, you've watered them. For two years I have
been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this
beauty to grace the house"

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots.
But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives
together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take
each person for what they are, and look for the good in them.

Blessings to all my crackpot friends.

2006-07-16 08:43:57 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 08:32:46 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tonto, The Indian Genie

Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other
guy has a cork in his a~s~s~ !

He says, "How'd you get a cork in your a~s~s?"

The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I
tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a
red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, "I am Tonto,
Indian Genie. I can grant-um you one wish."

And I said, "No s~h~i~t!''


O.K.? Did yah chuckle in yer seat? Was it worth a spin?
Best Comment Has to read another one! he!he!

Sharin' my smiles
SmileyCat : )

2006-07-16 08:31:50 · 6 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says, ‘What’s in the bags?’ ‘Sand,’ answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says, ‘We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.’

Iqbal’s guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts
them onto the sardarji’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, ‘What have you got?’
‘Sand,’ says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn’t show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a ‘Dhaba’ in Islamabad.

‘Hey, Buddy,’ says Iqbal, ‘I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about…I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?’

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, ‘Bikes’

2006-07-16 08:20:57 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of
boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.
He pokes through the contents and comes across an old
brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantlepiece," he
decides, and takes it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him
three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!"
He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think
more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be
on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside."

Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing
him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last
wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again."

POOF! He's back in his government office.


Well....high five or low five? Comments are a plus!
Sharin' my smiles..
SmileyCat : )

2006-07-16 08:18:19 · 8 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

2006-07-16 08:17:07 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA. Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes." Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.

i love this joke cuz it SOO true

2006-07-16 08:15:39 · 16 answers · asked by tybardy 4

2006-07-16 08:02:35 · 21 answers · asked by assassin of silence 5

please tell me some?

2006-07-16 08:02:26 · 13 answers · asked by pompomgirl292 2

2006-07-16 07:58:43 · 21 answers · asked by spackler 6

The Japanese get my vote. See for yourself (takes a minute to figure out what's going on):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gNsDp2N6yM

2006-07-16 07:48:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old man and his wife were standing on the luxury liner, watching the moon rise, and the old lady got washed overboard by a freak wave.
Two weeks after the old man arrived home, he received a letter from the shipping company advising him that they found the old lady at the bottom of the ocean, and after they brought her up, there was an oyster stuck to her backside, and inside the oyster was a pearl , which was worth $50,000 !
They asked what they should do with the old lady and the pearl...
The old man promptly replied to send the cheque along, and rebait the trap....

2006-07-16 07:46:25 · 13 answers · asked by Featherman 5

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, and my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby."

She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Services for the husband will be held Tuesday morning at 10:30 at 3rd Cemetery Chapel. Female friends of the family are invited.

2006-07-16 07:43:57 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 07:43:42 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

My cat just got arrested...and guess why?

he got arrested for CATNIP!>!>!>!>!>
its like humans getting arrested for crack or cocaine
i guess catnip is a illegal substance with cats.
ahhahahahahah my cat had it coming!!!!
and now the cat keeps calling me..and asking me to bail him out..
and im not ahhahaha isn't that cruel?
how ironic......just like the movie "shrek"
that one cat getting handcuffed for catnip !!!!
but you people can join in and help donate up to $20,000 bail bond.

2006-07-16 07:41:54 · 18 answers · asked by POR-FRY-CHICKEN 3

I heard this on Whose Line is it Anyway? and they came up with some funny ones. Can you do any better? Ten points to the funniest!

2006-07-16 07:35:20 · 14 answers · asked by SpringsGirl 2

I am small and oblong. I can be fruity, salty, buttery, sweet or sour. Sometimes I taste like Orange, Rootbeer, Lemon, Cantaloupe, or Popcorn. You can even get me in dirt or booger flavor if you want too. What Am I?

2006-07-16 07:32:49 · 19 answers · asked by Aubrey 1

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her
job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window,
opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second
room she told the painter she would like it painted in a
soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window,
opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the
third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose
color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window,
opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes
laying sod across the street."

O.k...........what state are yah laughin' from? And how many chuckles did ya chuckle?

Sharin' my smiles...
SmileyCat : )

2006-07-16 07:31:43 · 13 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

10 points to who gets this joke right

2006-07-16 07:27:02 · 10 answers · asked by gerbil31603 5

u know what ill award you

2006-07-16 07:25:33 · 20 answers · asked by Chris=Guitar 2

Do you know of any good pranks

2006-07-16 07:24:58 · 12 answers · asked by Anime_Chickadee ^.^ 3

------It may take long for me to get hard. I just got laid last night

2006-07-16 07:08:53 · 12 answers · asked by puffy dragon 2

2006-07-16 07:07:51 · 13 answers · asked by mystery t 4

2006-07-16 07:07:41 · 8 answers · asked by ♥āngelic♥děmon♥ 3

2006-07-16 06:57:56 · 8 answers · asked by ♥āngelic♥děmon♥ 3

2006-07-16 06:48:43 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A boy leaves his house one summer day, and began to run
into the woods to his grandmother's house which is on the other
side of the woods. It should also be known that the boy reached
his grandmother's house. How far did the boy run into the woods?

2006-07-16 06:25:39 · 10 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

Every time he has me pull his finger, my eyes start to burn!

2006-07-16 06:16:59 · 10 answers · asked by sparkletina 6

2006-07-16 06:16:42 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 05:58:33 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous