Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

and do u think it's funny!????

http://www.americancomedynetwork.com/FLASH/MexTourism.htm

2006-07-16 12:21:05 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

keepit clean!
all clean jokes accepted.

2006-07-16 11:45:16 · 24 answers · asked by honni~graham 2

At a red traffic light, a tramp knocks on the window of a Rolls Royce.The passenger, a Lord presses a button and the window slides down.
Can you spare a fiver, me Lord?
My man, neither a lender nor a borrower be. Shakespeare.
The Lord presses the button and the window slides up.
The tramp bangs on the window again.
The Lord presses a button and the window slides down.
C*nt, D.H.Lawrence.

2006-07-16 11:34:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 11:27:55 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBRkep8hVzc&search=Scary%20Video

Turn on your speakers all the way up or headphones,there is a ghost sayin somethin in this commerical,can u tell me what he says? go to it& watch & listen. then tell me what the ghost is saying. IF your correct u'll get 10points.

2006-07-16 11:23:23 · 15 answers · asked by Jeremy 6

what comes 2 times a day, has four digits, and all 4 didgits are the same number

2006-07-16 11:06:24 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 11:06:05 · 9 answers · asked by the devil 1

I'm a 5 lettered word but if you take away 4 letters from me i'm still pronounced the same, what word am i?

2006-07-16 11:03:31 · 22 answers · asked by pixie 1

2006-07-16 11:00:34 · 8 answers · asked by pitbullcopper2004 5

Muffin the mule thought of as a criminal offence?

2006-07-16 10:45:23 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm writing one at the moment ,a nd people seem to love it , but i can't think of a good title.

2006-07-16 10:39:27 · 9 answers · asked by Grey Jedi 2

2006-07-16 10:37:38 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 10:36:14 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 10:33:46 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A turkey was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of yonder tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next
day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night he was proudly perched at the top of the
tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the
farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the turkey right out of
the tree.

Moral of the Story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.
----------------------------------------------------------

One more stupid Thing......

A witch doctor kept the members of his tribe in virtual
subjugation by means of his powerful magic. Whenever one of
the tribesmen tried to overthrow him, he would turn him into
an apple!
One night a group of tribesmen who were sick of this snuck into
his hut, opened his book of magic, learned the apple spell, and
turned the witch doctor into an apple!
But the book warned that, if the apple ever dried out and changed
significantly in weight, it would turn back into the witch
doctor, more powerful than ever!
So every day the tribesmen placed the apple on a scale to make
sure that its weight remained the same.

Moral: A weigh a day keeps the doctor an apple.

2006-07-16 10:15:44 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

When unable to use 'fitted' or... 'use to fit'

I thought about this the other day........tell me the first thing that comes to your mind :)

I thought it kind of funny.

2006-07-16 10:09:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Have your eyes and nipples switch places, or your nose and belly button?
Funny answers only please, the serious may move on

2006-07-16 10:04:28 · 14 answers · asked by ? 6

Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted'
tour of
the White House.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President
Clinton if he
could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the
President had
a solid gold urinal!
That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the
urinal: "Just
think," he said, "When I am President, I'll have my own personal gold
urinal!"
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White
House, she
told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the
fact that,
in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary
turned to
Bill and said: "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."

2006-07-16 09:57:03 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

I really dont like it when pet's peeve on my shoes.

2006-07-16 09:54:17 · 15 answers · asked by smilesfromred 5

I believe that I made this riddle up.I've never heard it before.There is a sensible answer to it.If nobody gives the answer that I'm looking for,10 pts. goes to the most original.Humor me with your answers.I'II Find a way to get my anawer out there if it doesn't turn up in the answers.

2006-07-16 09:49:58 · 8 answers · asked by 2BaD4u 4

there were twins
born in march, birthday in september
1 was 20 the other 22
they married each other
HOW????

2006-07-16 09:47:37 · 16 answers · asked by Jock S 3

2006-07-16 09:40:21 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

He's the one with the cart upside down fixing the wheel.

2006-07-16 09:37:25 · 3 answers · asked by tripledigit67 3

2006-07-16 09:35:18 · 15 answers · asked by smilesfromred 5

2006-07-16 09:33:20 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 09:31:58 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-16 09:18:28 · 26 answers · asked by P R F 1

a kid is being a ***** and you could help me get him back by pulling a prank on him so what ever you have give t to me and help me get him back please! o, and if there are web sites that are easy pranks then give it to me pleaseeee! Thanx

2006-07-16 09:12:56 · 18 answers · asked by lil`pimp 1

Guys are like vacations...They are always too short
Guys are also like coffee, the best ones are rich, warm and keep u up all nite! don't ya agree ladies?

2006-07-16 09:11:45 · 8 answers · asked by nichellecomicbookgirl 3

http://www.thisistrue.com/mike.html

wonder if you'll eat chickens again!!!

2006-07-16 08:56:50 · 7 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5