What's the best joke you know ?

Answer 1

I have a few....

1. A blonde guy, a redhead guy, and a brunette guy worked at a construction site. On their lunch break, they all looked at their lunches to find they were the same as they had been for the past few weeks. The brunette guy said, "If I have burritos for lunch tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself." The redhead guy said, "If I have macaroni salad (I can't remember what he had so I'll make something up) for lunch tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself." The blonde guy said, "If I have a bologna sandwich for lunch tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself." The next day, they all had the same lunches so they jumped off the construction site from it's highest point and died. At their funerals, the brunette's wife said, "If I had known he was going to kill himself if he had burritos for lunch again I would have made him something else!" The redhead's wife said, "If I had known he was going to kill himself if he had macaroni salad for lunch again I would have made him something else!" The blonde guy's wife said, "He made his own lunch."
*x.x*
2. One day a blind man walked into a bar. He ordered a drink and after a while askedd, "Does anyone want to hear a blonde joke?" The whole bar was silent. The woman next to the blind man said, "The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, I'm a blonde weightlifter, the woman next to me is a blonde black belt, and the guy next to her is a blonde kickboxer. Still want to tell that joke?" After thinking it over, the blind man replied, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it five times."
*x.x*
3. A guy was taking his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. After the game, he asked her, "How did you like it?" She replied, "It was fun, but why were they fighting over a quarter?" Seeing the confused look on her boyfriend's face, she explained, "At the beginning of the game tey flipped a coin. After that they constantly yelled 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back! And I'm like 'Helloooo? It's only twenty-five cents!'"
*x.x*
4. This blonde girl was dating some guy and she suspected he was cheating on her. She decided to commit suicide because of it, so she bought a gun and headed to her boyfriend's house. In his arms, she saw a redhead. She put the gun to her head and her boyfriend yelled, "No honey! Don't do it!" She replied, "Shut up! You're next!"
*x.x*
5. There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette on a deserted island. The found a magic genie and he granted them each one wish. The brunette wished she was back with her family. The redhead wished she was back with her friends. The blonde said, "It's kinda lonely. I wish those girls were back here with me!"

Answer 2

A commercial airliner is about to crash! There are 5 passengers on board, but alas, only 4 parachutes!!!
The 1st passenger says, "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best basketball player in the NBA and the Lakers need me, so I can't afford to die." He takes the 1st pack and jumps from the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Hillary Rodham Clinton says, "I am the wife of a former U.S. President, I'm a N.Y. State Senator and a potential future president.I must live!!" So she takes the 2nd pack and jumps out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, George W. Bush, says, "I'm the President of the United States of America. I have a great responsibility being the leader of a superpower nation and I am the cleverest president in American history, so America's people won't want me to die." So he grabs the pack next to him and jumps out of the plane!
The 4th passenger, Bishop T. D. Jakes says to the 5th passenger, a 10 year-old schoolgirl, "I've had a very good life and since I am a practicing Christian, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute my child."
The girl says, "Nah, it's okay Rev, there is a parachute right here for you!! . America's cleverest president just jumped outta the plane with my book bag."

Answer 3

Do you want to follow a winning sports betting system but don't have time to analyze the stats and probabilities yourself?
Are you tired of losing by following so called sports guru's that have no clue what they are doing?

Imagine if you had a fully automated Sports betting robot that not only calculates all the stats and probabilities but also gives you EXACT picks you need to place to win? With EXACT unit sizes! Yes, complete No Brainer.
Nothing to calculate
Nothing to worry about
Human error free winning picks

Then check this out: https://tr.im/Hb9Ja

Answer 4

I followed the predictions of this site http://sportbetting.toptips.org and I'm very pleased. You can test it for free. It's an incredible system that tells you very easy to use predictions bases on stats, patterns and trends.

Answer 5

Yo momma so fat, her jeans have runs.
Yo momma so fat, her clothes have stretch marks.
Yo momma so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
Yo momma so fat, she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
Yo momma so fat, when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun.
Yo momma so fat, when she bungee jumps, she goes straight to hell.

Yo momma so poor, when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers.
Yo momma so poor, when someone rings the doorbell, she has to yell out, "DING!"

Two dumb guys wanna cross the street, we'll call them Dumb and Dumber. The light is red, and across the street is a mean looking dog, snarling and growling right at them. When the light turns green, the dog suddenly sits down, lifts a leg, and starts licking its b*lls. Then Dumb and Dumber discuss:
Dumb: Man, don't you wish you were able to do THAT?
Dumber: Hell no man, that's some sick sh*t!
Dumb: I would! Hell, if I could do that, I'd never leave the house! Think about it, wouldn't you do that if you could?
Dumber: No.
Dumb: Why not?
Dumber: He might bite me.

Answer 6

haha well good i got a sex joke for you hope you like it :) on hearing that her grandad had just died kate went and visited her nan to comfort her when she asked how he died her nan replyed by sayin that he had had a heart attack while makin love 2 her kate said that it was silly that 2 old people where havin sex as it was askin for trouble her nan replyed by sayin that they used to do it to the slow pace of the church bells as it was just the right speed she then wiped a tear from her eye and carryed on by sayin''if that dahmed ice cream van hadnt come along he would still be alive today'' :) xxx

Answer 7

A man and his wife were playing a round of golf when a golf ball crashes through a window of a nearby house. They go up to the door intending to pay the home owner for the window. When they ring the bell, a man in a turban answers it. " We are so sorry about your window" says the husband. "Not to worry," says the turbaned man. "I am a genie, and have been trapped in a bottle for 1000 years, you have freed me. As a reward, I will grant you 1 wish. The wife asks, " Can you make us millionaires? The genie claps his hands and says, "I have set up an order to put 100,000 dollars into your account every month for life. Now, there is something I must ask of you . Being trapped in a bottle for 1000 years, I have forgotten what is life to hold a woman. May I give your wife one single, perfect kiss?" Feeling they can live with this, they agree. After the kiss, the genie asks the wife her age. "Thirty-three", she replies. "I see." says the genie."And you still believe in genies."

Answer 8

A lot of individuals are trying to gambling to solve their economic issues, but if they lose they are only creating things even worse. But, with Zcodes System from here https://tr.im/jFuWB you will not have that problem.
The Zcodes System is the best sports investing pc software system. This system is recommended to anyone that is ready to get their activities expense to the next level. This really is invaluable in your sports investment arsenal.
Zcodes System is at the the surface of the record for sports betting systems that perform!
 

Answer 9

A guy who worked in a pickle factory came home and handed his wife $50. She asks him where he got it, and he told her that he won it in a bet: the guys at the factory bet him $50 that he wouldn't stick his thing in the pickle slicer.
His wife was surprised and immediately went to work making sure his equipment was still intact. She saw that it was indeed all there, unharmed.
"But what about the pickle slicer?" asked the wife, perplexed.
"Oh, she liked it too," answered the husband.

Answer 10

A priest wakes up one morning and decides he is going to go golfing. He calls the secretary at the church and tells her that he is sick and can't do mass today.

Up in heaven, St.Peter goes up to God and askes, "Are you going to let him get away with that?" "No, I don't think so." God replies.

When the priest gets to the coarse, he hits a hole in one on every single hole.

St.Peter, suprised asks, "I thought you said he wasn't going to get away with what he did? That was barely a punishment if you ask me." God then replies, "Who is he going to tell?"