What your best joke?

Answer 1

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes", came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me."

Answer 2

Mailman's Last Day

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you.
I asked him what to give you."

He said, "F__k him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Answer 3

Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.



The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"

"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie. "Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man. "Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."




The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.

"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.

About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner.




The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?"

"Yeah," Julie replied. "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"

The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.

"Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari

Answer 4

I guy tries to rob a burger king. He ask the employee for the money in the register and the employee responds you have to buy something. The guy says ok and ask for a breakfast sandwich. The employee says sorry sir it's lunch time so he says ok and leaves. (This is a true story worlds dumbest criminals)

Answer 5

there is a construction guy on the fifth floor of a building he needs a handsaw but doesnt want to go down so he signals to another worker on the floor, the worker on the 5th floor tries to yell but its too high and he cant be heard, so he points to his eye meaning I then to his knee meaning need and moves his hands in a back and forth motion meaning handsaw the guy on the floor pulls down his pants and starts to masturbate the guy on the 5th floor is furious so he goes down and tell the guy "what the hell are you doing i motioned to u that i needed a handsaw jackass!" the other guy looks at him and says " i know i told you i was coming!"

Answer 6

A newlywed couple found themselves a bit shy whenever they'd talk about sex, so they decided to give sex a new name. They called it washing machine.

One night, the groom rolled over to the bride and asked, "Washing Machine?"
She replied, "Not tonight, dear. I've had a long and tiring day."
During the night, the groom woke up and again asked his bride, "Washing machine?"
Again, she said, "Please, not tonight. I just want to sleep."
Near dawn, the bride woke up and realized that she had denied her loving groom the pleasure he desired. She woke him up and this time she asked, "Washing Machine, dear?"
He calmly replied, "No dear, it was a small load and I did it by hand."

Answer 7

when you are sittin with the barber and your butt feels like a harbor diareah

Answer 8

a brunette told a blond: "hey a dead bird"...so the blonde looks up

Answer 9

why did the monkey fall of the tree?it was dead.