any real jokes people?? keep it clean!?

Answer 1

John, Joe and Jack were stranded on an island for several years. One day John found a Lamp on the beach so he picked it up and took it to show his two friends. As he started to hand it to Joe, John noticed it was dirty and he rubbed the dirt off.



Suddenly there appeared a Genie, who said, "I've been in that lamp for centuries so I will grant you each one wish for releasing me."

John said he was in the oil business in Texas and had a big beautiful ranch. He wished he could be back on his ranch. POOF! John was gone.



Joe said he wished he could be a millionaire on a cruise ship. POOF! Joe was gone too.





The Genie then turned to Jack and asked, "What is your wish?" After thinking for several minutes, Jack just couldn't make up his mind. He suddenly blurted out, "I wish John and Joe were here to help me decide."



POOF!!! John and Joe were back!!!

Answer 2

A man wakes up in the morning to find his beloved hound dog lying on the floor, motionless. Afraid the dog is dead, he shakes it and tries to wake it up. The dog doesn't move.

The man panics and takes the dog to the vet. He says, "Doc, I think my dog is dead." The vet checked the dog out and said, "Yes, I believe he is." The man says, "Well, I want another opinion." So the vet went into another room and brought a cat back with him. He set the cat on the examining table with the dog. The cat looked at the dog, and then the vet, and said, "Yes, this dog is dead."

The man still wasn't satisfied and said he wanted yet another opinion, so the vet went back into the room and this time, brought back a Labrador Retriever. The Lab looked at the dog and told the vet, "Yes, this dog is definitely dead."

Finally, the man was convinced and said, "Okay, doc. I was afraid of that. How much do I owe you?" The vet said, "$600". The man flipped. $600???!!! Just to tell me the dog is dead?" The vet said, "Oh, no. My fee is only $50. The other $550 is for the cat scan and the Lab test!"

Answer 3

Where Is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Answer 4

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replies.

The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?"

"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."

; ) LOL

Answer 5

A computer programmer and an automobile-engineer:
The first : If i would design automobiles, in ten years they would be twice fast and consuming 4 times less gas.
The second: If you would design automobiles, when you would push the break on a screen it will appear:
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
------
A guy got this message: "Press Any Key To Continue"
And he looked three hours in a comp manual to search for the Any Key key :))

Answer 6

there was this man who took his kid to the drugstore to pick something up on there way to the back of the store they passed the condoms. the little boy said what r these? they r condoms they help people with safe sex. why r there 3 in this box? the boy asked. those are for high school boys one for Friday one for Saturday and one for Sunday. why is there 6 in this box? those are for collage boys 2 for Friday 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday. then why is there 12 in this box? the man sighed those are for men who are married one for January one for February one for March...

Answer 7

A demon wants CLEAN jokes??? Are you a real demon?

Answer 8

then u need a swifer!