Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt." "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that!"

2006-07-17 04:16:51 · 9 answers · asked by me4u769 1

mine was my daughter who was 9 at the time, 18 now, was watching that varucca ad ,you know the one bazooka that varuca, she said mum i dont need that i havent got any bazookas lol

2006-07-17 04:08:57 · 34 answers · asked by jennycamuk 3

...ever, ever tried.......
this......
the red RED RED....R..E.D....BUTTON?!

http://www.amishdonkey.com/big-red-button.php


LoL
if not
check
and tell me what did u found out...!!?!
LoL
10 Pointz 4 the 1st corrrect answer.....



Yo go 4 it.
GoodLuck

2006-07-17 03:58:35 · 17 answers · asked by ☆hello☆ 3

Cow From Illinois

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."

2006-07-17 03:57:16 · 7 answers · asked by me4u769 1

its the only place they can get eat 3 times for quarter ha ha just wanted to make you laugh!!!!

2006-07-17 03:54:55 · 14 answers · asked by darylnmissy d 1

2006-07-17 03:32:42 · 14 answers · asked by srinu710 4

1st right answer =12 points

2006-07-17 03:08:00 · 28 answers · asked by ndemo 2

I'd like to have Power Point presentations of Riddles with Animation.

2006-07-17 02:55:14 · 4 answers · asked by metta1948 1

When you have a guilty conscience.

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say, "hello".

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My goodness, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

2006-07-17 02:49:40 · 12 answers · asked by dancingdoll 3

ill choose meaning full answer as best one...........try !!!

2006-07-17 02:46:16 · 16 answers · asked by Farad 2

If you can answer this question correctly, you will be choosen as best answer.

Question: What is the answer to this question?

Rules:
No coppying others
If you do know the answer, you have to answer it the first.
No stupid answers
No saying i dont know or, what is it?
No coments or conplains
NO ANSWERING IF YOU DONT KNOW!

Do not bother to answer this question if you DONT know the answer.

if you want to know the answer, email rix_flash@yahoo.co.uk

2006-07-17 02:42:27 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 02:40:28 · 6 answers · asked by MICKFOLEY 2

i ll select meaningfull answer as best one ..............try !!!!!!!!

2006-07-17 02:35:26 · 13 answers · asked by Farad 2

None they prefer walking around in the dark, and saying that light doesn't exist

2006-07-17 02:22:37 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 02:18:55 · 19 answers · asked by MICKFOLEY 2

3 friends were enjoying their drinks.After an hour,dancing on their toes they keep a bet.The conditions were- he who drinks 5 bottles of brandy,rapes a girl and takes off the tooth of a lion will be rewarded $100000000000000000 by the other 2.
So comes the first guy.But before he could finish his first bottle he falls down.
Then comes the second one and the same happens with him.
Atlast comes the third guy.Within 5 minutes he finished off all the 5 bottles of brandy.He then asked his friends what he should do the next.One of them pointing to the dark told him to rape a girl.After sometime they heard a very loud sound.They were frightened and waiting for their friend to come back.After 15 minutes came back the third guy and asked his friends "now tell me which girl's tooth should i take out?"

2006-07-17 02:13:17 · 7 answers · asked by skatygal 3

why do you do what you do when you do what you do and how do you do it ?

just for fun but you can always give real answers if you like.......^_^

2006-07-17 01:43:46 · 17 answers · asked by Charnele B 3

Imagine that David Beckham was a bus driver,

at the first stop, 12 people get on the bus.

2nd stop, 34 people get on the bus, 17 people leave

3rd stop, 24 people get on the bus, 7 people leave

4th stop, 56 people get on the bus, 21 people leave,

5th stop, 19 people leave

6th stop, 100 people get on the bus....

How old is the bus driver???

2006-07-17 01:25:41 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

What musical performer or group played that song? The first wright answer would be punished with beautiful, beautiful points...

2006-07-17 01:24:26 · 10 answers · asked by clovisfleischhund 3

What musical performer or group played that song? The first wright answer would be punished with beautiful, beautiful points...

2006-07-17 01:15:37 · 8 answers · asked by clovisfleischhund 3

Willys cynical thought for the day;

I ain't got a BIG ego! Hell no, I'm much too freaking cool for that shi!!

Call your thing*

Although it was their first date she was anything but shy and soon had his donger in her hand.

"What's your pet name for it?" she asked. "I know some fellows call it D*ck*, their Willie or their Peter. What do you call yours?"

"I don't call mine anything," he said. "It always comes without being called."

*Edited for YA!
http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-17 01:08:56 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

Corny as you like. Quantity more important than quality. My daughters always ask me to tell them jokes and I just don't know enough! Any contributions gratefully accepted. (ages 9 - 12)

2006-07-17 01:02:51 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 00:59:17 · 14 answers · asked by smily 1

2006-07-17 00:58:47 · 16 answers · asked by smily 1

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy. "I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, "Why are there three in this package."

The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..."

2006-07-17 00:49:54 · 17 answers · asked by Joga Bonito 4

2006-07-17 00:42:39 · 8 answers · asked by 2BaD4u 4

2006-07-17 00:35:45 · 14 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

2006-07-17 00:34:51 · 16 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

Billy was taking a bath with his mother and he asked..

"What is that?" Pointing at his mothers breast.

Mother: "Oh that is my horn."

Billy: "oh, Then whats that?" Pointing at his mother's vagina"

Mother: "That is my garage"

The next day..

Billy was taking a shower with his dad..

Billy: "Dad what is that?" Pointing at his dad's penis"

Dad: "That is my mercedes"

After that when everyone was getting ready for bed,

Billy said: "Dad beep the horn and park your mercedes in the garage.."

2006-07-16 23:59:29 · 7 answers · asked by Poisonous_Lipz 1

A DOG NAMED "SEX"
(What Not to Name Your Dog)

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex". He's a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment. When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one too!" Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He winked and said, "You must've been quite a kid!"

When I got married & went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I want a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny, I have the same problem."

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets, "But you don't understand." I said "I had hope to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal anymore."

When my wife & I separated, we went to court to fight for the custody of the dog. I said, " Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, " The courtroom isn't a confessional, stick to the case please." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up this Friday!

2006-07-16 23:51:19 · 16 answers · asked by serial kisser 2