Corny as you like. Quantity more important than quality. My daughters always ask me to tell them jokes and I just don't know enough! Any contributions gratefully accepted. (ages 9 - 12)
2006-07-17 01:02:51 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Teacher Question And Answer Jokes
TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong.
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are!
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!!
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.
Where Is God?
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.
So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"
2006-07-17 12:34:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning?
Pupil: About an hour after I get to school.
Teacher: If this class doesn't stop making noise, I'll go crazy!
Class: Too late, we haven't made a sound for a hour.
Q: Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A: Because if he lifted both legs, he'd fall over.
Q: Who was the best actor in the Bible?
A: Samson. He brought the house down.
Q: What is a polygon?
A: A dead parrot.
Lots more at the link below. The name would suggest otherwise, but this is a clean website for families and kids.
2006-07-17 09:16:15 · answer #2 · answered by Ana Thema 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
fortune teller:you were born under taurus the bull
boy:I bet he got a shock
why did the tomato go red?? when she saw the saled dressing
why did the traffic light go red? because of changing in front of so many poeple
if you want more(just a suggestion) get an account on club penguin and visit the paper on the game there are a lot of jokes on www.miniclip.com or buy A SMALL WORLD JOKE BOOK.
2006-07-17 10:49:12 · answer #3 · answered by karrottu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's an old chestnut for ya...
A man walks into a bar.
Ouch.
This next oner is especially suitable for 9-12 year olds:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the toilet.
Why did the chicken want to go to the toilet?
Because thats where the cocks hang out!
2006-07-17 08:25:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what does the tomato say when it sneezes? AAAAA-KETchup
what does the potato say when it sneezes? AAAAAA-CHIIIIpsss
why did the big rope yell at the small rope? it was knotty
put two banana peels on the floor..what do you get? a pair of slippers
where was henry the VIII when the candle went out? in the dark
2006-07-17 08:21:46 · answer #5 · answered by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How Kids Think
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then
she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room... When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The
various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The
tooth fairy will never believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the
next morning."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that
proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton
batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayer s and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always
said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn .. and into the hole
he gooooes."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting
my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they
won't let me talk!"
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called
out." "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's
voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
2006-07-18 12:08:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, here is one I'm going to type myself:
There once was boy, his teacher told him to go home and learn his first three letters of the alphabet.
So when he went home, he asked his mom, "Mom, what's the first letter of the alphabet, the mom, was busy, and quickly said "Shut up". He nodded his head and left the room
Then he went went to his sister. "Sister, what's the second letter of the alphabet, well the sister was listening to music, and said "Uh Huh, Uh Huh, Uh Huh He nodded his head and left the room
The he went to ask his little baby brother. "Little Brother, that's the third letter of the alphabet, the little boy said "Bababababatman." He nodded his head Nada left the room
The next day at school, his teacher asked him to recite the alphabet.
"Shut Up", he said.
"Young man, do you want to go to the Principal's office.", the teacher said"
"Uh Huh, Uh Huh, Uh Huh."
"Who do you think you are."
"Babababatman!"
2006-07-17 08:21:55 · answer #7 · answered by ~ ♥ Sun$hine ♥ ~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋