Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Cause they smell like a new car.

2006-07-17 10:45:30 · 3 answers · asked by -Tequila17 6

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.


2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR
BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S *** AND
HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A
HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO

5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM
SOOOOO MUCH.

6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW
SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.

8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US
JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS LIKE THE FLOOR

2006-07-17 10:39:56 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."

2006-07-17 10:39:24 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 10:38:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Erasmus invented the pencil rubber
Hereward the Wake invented the alarm clock
Alfred the Great invented the fireplace
and everone knows that King Henry the Eigth invented fractions
any more inventors please?

2006-07-17 10:35:00 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact.

When one dies, they agreed, the others will lay $5,000 each on his coffin so he'll have some spending money in the after life.

Well, one day the professor passes away. At his funeral the three friends took turns going up to the coffin and paying their respects.

The doctor was first, laying 50 $100 bills inside the casket.

Next was the businessman, tearfully placing his $5,000 cash next to his deceased friend.

Then the lawyer approached the coffin ..... wrote out a check for $15,000 ... laid it in the casket, and picked up the 10 grand in cash.

2006-07-17 10:27:32 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A prostitute goes to the surgeon to put another hole in her... uno wat.The doctors like ''why do u need another hole''
She says ''Oh business is so damn gud i need another branch''

2006-07-17 10:23:33 · 11 answers · asked by hey hey hey! 2

Two friends were talking. Bob said "have you ever thought about what rhymes with orange?"
Ben replied, "nothing rhymes with orange."
Actually something rhymes with orange" said Bob.
Who is right?

Hint: look at the category

2006-07-17 10:05:16 · 27 answers · asked by mikamilk_dud 2

???????????????????????????????? -- I hope this gets stuck in your head because its been in mine all day.

2006-07-17 09:52:46 · 14 answers · asked by ~~ziggy~~ 2

Ha ha I know I'm going to offend a million people here;-) Just felt like it.

2006-07-17 09:51:42 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde bought a new bath tub and the next day she went back into the shop and complained:
"I run the water but it doesn't stay in the bath"
Shopkeeper: "Did you plug it in?"
Blonde: "I didn't know i was electrical"

2006-07-17 09:44:07 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 09:28:45 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

10 points for the best argued answer :)

2006-07-17 09:23:22 · 17 answers · asked by Miss Terious 3

there was a joke on the stick. i didnt think they still did that.. it reads..

why did the pony cough?



he was a little hoarse.....

i see the jokes ant got better from when i was a kid
i thought id share it with you all

2006-07-17 09:19:14 · 13 answers · asked by jaynieleigh22 3

2006-07-17 08:59:36 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 08:48:23 · 6 answers · asked by Hannah 5

2006-07-17 08:37:44 · 12 answers · asked by nastyboy 1

What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll
die?

2006-07-17 08:37:36 · 15 answers · asked by Peace 6

2006-07-17 08:34:53 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-17 08:34:10 · 16 answers · asked by nastyboy 1

2006-07-17 08:30:53 · 20 answers · asked by Ivy 1

2006-07-17 08:30:32 · 10 answers · asked by mister_pellow 1

two blondes walk into a bar you would of thought on of them would have seen it!

Q:why was the blonde fired fired from the m&m factory?
A:she kept throwing away all the w's!

Q:a blonde and a brunette jumped of a cliff,who landed first?
A:the brunette,b/c the blonde had to stop and ask for directions!

there is a magic mirror and if you ever tell a lie while looking into it you will poof away forever. so a brunette walks up 2to it and says," im the coolest person in the world!" and poofs away. a red head walks up to it and says i got an "a" on my science test!" and she also poofs away. so a blonde walks up last to the magic mirror and says," i think...." and she also poofs away forever.

two blondes are driving to disney world they see a sign that says "disney world left" so they turned around and went home.

2006-07-17 08:27:10 · 15 answers · asked by chicky9244 2

2006-07-17 08:25:10 · 10 answers · asked by stupid hunter 1

He who builds it, doesn't need it....

He who buys it, doesn't want it....

He who uses it, doesn't know it....

What is it?

2006-07-17 08:24:55 · 12 answers · asked by kirkswahpedal 2

2006-07-17 08:15:38 · 10 answers · asked by nastyboy 1

2006-07-17 08:12:40 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

There's no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth,
why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So one
moose, two meese? One index, two indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend,
that you comb through the annals of history but not a single annal?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at
a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites?

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and
quite a few are alike?

How can the weather be hot as Hell one day and cold as Hell another?

How you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are
absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?
Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?

Have you ever run into someone who was dis-combobulated, grunted,
ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring
chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch,
I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it!

2006-07-17 08:08:09 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde wanting to earn some money decided to hire herself out as a handyman- type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?" he replied. The blonde said "How about $50.00 ?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder were in the garage. The man's wife inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes, the blond answered and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats". Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.00 "and by the way the blond added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari".

2006-07-17 07:55:20 · 7 answers · asked by me4u769 1

the boy answerd because people are sleeping next joke what do priest and christmas trees have in common the balls are just for decoration

2006-07-17 07:51:12 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous