I'm sooo bored?

Question

Anyone who can come up with a joke to make me laugh wins ten points.

Answer 1

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said... ''Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it's as wide as the gas grill.'' Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then his wife's butt. ''Yep,'' he said,'' just what I thought, just about the same size.'' The wife became mad and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.
When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, ''How about it, honey? How about a little lovemaking?'' The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. ''What's the matter?'' he asked. She replied... ''You don't think I'm going to fire up this big A$$ grill for one little weenie, do you?''

Answer 2

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Last joke

A guy is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway.

"Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says.

"I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" she replies and then leaves.

Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some.

The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you."

She replies "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the @ss."

The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever.

After it is over he whips off his outfit and says: "Surprise! I'm the guy on the bus."

With that the nun turns around and says "Surprise! I'm the bus driver."

Answer 3

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

Answer 4

Poor froggy


A little boy walks down the street with a dead frog on a string.
He enters a whorehouse and approaches the madam.

"Madam, I would like to have a girl for the afternoon." says the little boy.
"Sonny, I think you're a little young for that." replies the madam.
The little boy places a $100 bill in the madam's hand.
"One lady coming up." says the madam.

"And I want her to have herpes," says the little boy.
"Why on earth would you want that?" asked the madam, "and anyway, I don't have any women like that. All my girls are clean."
The little boy pulls out another $100 bill and gives it to the madam.
"One dirty girl, coming up," she says.

The madam takes the little boy upstairs and leaves him in a room with a well endowed blonde. When he comes down a little bit later, she says, "Son, I can understand you wanting to get laid, but why on earth would you want to catch something like herpes?"

The little boy looks the madam straight in the eye and says, "It's like this lady... When I get home the babysitter's going to be there and I'm gonna **** her and SHE'S going to get the herpes.

Then when my mom and dad come home, my dad's going to take the babysitter home and **** her and HE'S going to get the herpes.

Then when my dad gets home, he's going to **** my mom and SHE'S going to get the herpes.

Then about 10 o'clock tomorrow morning, the mailman's going to show up at my house and **** my mom and HE'S THE ONE THAT KILLED MY ******* FROG!"

Answer 5

this is not really a joke but i really want you to see this. it always makes me laugh when im bored.
go to this link.

www.badgerbadgerbadger.com

Answer 6

you. your the joke! ha! Ha HA!