please tell me a REALLY funny joke.?

Question

i really need to laugh. make it def comedy jam funny.

Answer 1

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a local
Hooters. The place was hopping with music and dancing, but every once in a while, the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the
restroom?"

The bartender nervously replied, "I really don't think you should."

"Why not?" the nun asked.

"Well, there is a life-size statue of a naked man in there, and his
most private parts are covered only by a fig leaf."

"Nonsense," said the nun, "I'll just look the other way." So the
bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again.

However, they did stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She walked up to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand.
Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, because now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?"

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on that
statue is lifted up, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how
about that drink?"

Answer 2

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The brain said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the $h1t!

Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do!

Answer 3

High Tech Women's Bodies
Three women, one Greman, one Japanese, and a Hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The Greman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped.

The others looked at her questioningly.

"That was my pager," she said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang.

The Japanese women lifted her palm to her ear and talked quietly.

When she was finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech.

Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.
She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.

She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The Hillbilly woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."

Answer 4

Philosophy Exam
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first
examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a
question?" - Discuss.

After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an
answer."

The student received an "A" on the exam.

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Spelling
If GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau

The right way to spell POTATO shoud be GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU!

Answer 5

little johnny lived out in the country and they had an outhouse. he hated it. it was really cold in the winter and really hot in the summmer. it stank ALL the time. one day johnny had enough. he pushed the outhouse in the stream.

Later at dinner, his father said, "sum1 and i are going to the shed for a spanking tonight.

Johnny told his father "like goerge washington, i cannot tell a lie I pushed the shed in the river!"

His dad said "thanx for telling me the truth, but THATS not y ur getting a spanking."

"Then WHY am i getting a spanking?"

"because i was in the outhouse wen it happened."

Answer 6

ok.. this is one of the funniest ones I have heard lately.

One morning President Bush was being briefed by his advisers. They said "Mr. President, 3 Brazilian men were killed this morning in Iraq"...

Bush turns white, sits down at his desk with his head in his hands. He is visibly shaken.

In a few minutes he looks up at them and says "Exactly how many is a Brazillion?"

Answer 7

Q: Whats the difference between George Bush and a bucket of S#%T?

A: The bucket.

Answer 8

Q: Why did the blond have spuare boobs?

A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Lol :)

Answer 9

Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China. They decided to become
American citizens, and "Americanize" their names.
Bu, called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
Fu decided to return to China.

hows that???

Answer 10

this is too easy. explain time traval to a moron[g.bush] in 1 sentence?