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One saturday afternoon a manwas sitting in his lawnchair, drinkingbeer and watchinfg his wife mow the lawn. A neighbvor was so outraged at this, she went over and shouted to the man "you should be hung!" to which he calmly replied, " I am, that's why she cuts the grass."

2006-07-18 08:36:13 · 11 answers · asked by gravitatingingoshen 3 in Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

11 answers

Hilarious... here's one for you:

An Irish woman of advanced age
> visited her physician to ask his help in reviving
> her husband's libido.
> "What about trying Viagra? asks the doctor.
> "Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an
> aspirin".
> "Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an
> Irish Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't
> even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week
> to let me know how things went".
>
> It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor,
> who directly inquired as to progress.
>
> The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and
> begorrah! T'was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!."
> "Really? What happened" asked the doctor?
> "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his
> coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He
> jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his
> eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With
> one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and
> tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and
> took me then and there, making wild, mad,
> passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a
> nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
>
> "Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean
> the sex your husband provided wasn't good"?
>
> "Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed!
> 'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure
> as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me
> face in Starbucks again"

2006-07-18 08:40:38 · answer #1 · answered by .·:*RENE*:·. 4 · 0 1

A professor is despatched to darkest Africa to stay with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, coaching them examining, writing, math and technology. sometime the spouse of the tribe's chief supplies beginning to a white toddler. The tribe is a great deal shocked, and the administrative pulls the professor aside and says, "seem right here! you are the only white guy we've ever seen and this woman supplies beginning to a white toddler. It does not take a genius to make certain what occurred!" The professor spoke back, "No, chief. you're flawed. What you have right this is a organic prevalence, what we in the civilized worldwide call an albino! seem at that field over there. all the sheep are white different than for one black one. Nature does this on occasion." the administrative became into silent for a 2d, then reported, "inform you what. you do no longer say something greater approximately that sheep and that i won't say something greater approximately that white toddler."

2016-10-08 01:42:01 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."

i dont get it lol

2006-07-18 08:41:13 · answer #3 · answered by rjekqlw 5 · 0 0

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you something. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get. You have to have a car in heaven because heaven is so big!"

The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy, "How long were you married?"

The first guy says, "Twenty-four years."

"Did you ever cheat on your wife?" Peter asks.

The guy says, "Yeah, seven times, but you said I was forgiven."

Peter says, "Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive."

The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter. The second guy says, "I was married for forty-one years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out well."

Peter says, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln."

The third guy walks up and says, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for sixty-three years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"

Peter says, "That's what I like to hear. Here's you Jaguar!"

A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto see the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk so they go see what was the matter. When they ask the guy with the Jaguar what is wrong, he says, "I've just seen my wife and she was on a skateboard!"

2006-07-18 09:54:51 · answer #4 · answered by 7FAM 4 · 0 0

Would you be interested in a clean Joke? An Englishman, and Irishman and and American were stranded on a deserted island when a bottle floated up. They pulled out the cork and a genie appeared offering each one a wish. The Englishman said, I would like to be back in England,Poof he was gone. The Irishman wanted to be back in Ireland,,Poof he was gone. The American with tears in his eyes, said...I want my two friends back. Poof.

2006-07-18 09:05:29 · answer #5 · answered by loufedalis 7 · 0 0

That was pretty funny. Check this out..... A guy comes home from work and his wife is sitting in front of the fire place butt naked with her legs wide open. The guy looks at her and says " just what in the world are you doin' "? His wife looks at him and says" Oh honey I'm just warming up your dinner". :oD LMAO

2006-07-18 08:52:59 · answer #6 · answered by catmanbigwil 4 · 0 0

Question: how did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?
Answer: the Big Mac forgot to wrap his Whopper!

2006-07-18 10:20:47 · answer #7 · answered by mistyc 1 · 0 0

That was funny~
Here's my story:
Three men were out in the middle of the sea. One was Spanish, one was Chinese, and one was American. The Spanish person said, "I have too much of these in my country!" and threw down some tamales. The Chinese man said, "I have too much of these in my country!" and threw down some rice. The American man didn't have anything. He said, "I have too much of these in my country!" and threw down the Spanish man.

2006-07-18 08:52:17 · answer #8 · answered by a 4 · 0 0

LMAO!.........ok.....How many men does it take to open a beer?













NONE- The b*tch should have it open when she hands it to you!

2006-07-18 08:51:31 · answer #9 · answered by liljewel 3 · 0 0

no
but hahaha that was funny.

2006-07-18 08:40:20 · answer #10 · answered by SPRING 3 · 0 0

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