Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

My grandfather passed this down to us from his great-grandfather. Has anyone ever heard this:
Dupree Nompry
Purree Purree
Puck Terry
Nip Curry
Warshiny
Nipsey
Once a Virginia

2006-06-08 10:03:51 · 9 answers · asked by Jackie Ann 1

What's this chemical element? Sorry about last post! Mistake typing. Think about it chemistry fans. look closely!

2006-06-08 09:53:59 · 10 answers · asked by Melok 4

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?" The husband replies, "Autumn."

2006-06-08 09:51:38 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 09:48:56 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 09:36:55 · 12 answers · asked by Melok 4

a boy and his grandpa were walking through the woods,
the boy saw two people kissing,
the boy asked his granddad "what are they doing"?
the grandpa answered "they are making cookies"
the boy: "can we make cookies too"?
the grandpa: "yes".
so they kissed.
as they walked farther along in the woods, they saw a man and a woman having sex.
boy: "grandpa what are they doing"?
grandpa:"they are making brownies".
boy: "can we make brownies to?"
grandpa: "of course"..
so they had sex.
as they continued in the woods, they came across a woman suckin on a mans d*ck.
the boy: "grandpa what are they doing"?
grandpa: "they are making sandwhiches"
boy : "can we make sandwhiches too"
grandpa: "oh yes!"
As they got home, da boy ran 2 his grandma & said "grandma, guess what we made today? we made cookies, brownies..."
the grandmother interupted saying "let me guess you made sandwhiches too"?
"how did u kno?" said the boy.
Grandma: "B/c you have mayonaise on ur mouth" (lolol)

2006-06-08 09:34:36 · 34 answers · asked by its meee! 2

this should be easy if you know your bible at all. It is also kind of a joke trickey question. Back to you on Sat. afternoon.
marlyne B.

2006-06-08 09:28:39 · 2 answers · asked by marlynembrindle 5

2006-06-08 09:10:12 · 14 answers · asked by shaliise 3

2006-06-08 09:07:25 · 3 answers · asked by Belly 4

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid says, " Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

2006-06-08 09:04:58 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

lets here the best joke

2006-06-08 09:01:19 · 20 answers · asked by cashdog137 3

my friend keep saying the same old jokes, there not funny any more any one have some new ones i can through in the mix?

2006-06-08 08:57:50 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 08:56:56 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 08:46:48 · 14 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

if it isnt rude dont bother

2006-06-08 08:27:15 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

....best one gets 10 points

2006-06-08 08:19:19 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

For the answer click on the link posted in more details below.

2006-06-08 07:59:11 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

Most Embarrassing Moments” contest
Filed under:
Jokes
add to del.icio.us An excellent contribution sent in by HG:

The following are the top four winners from a “Most Embarrassing Moments” contest:

1. “While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving ‘right now,’ she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, ‘If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!’ The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.”

2. “It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we didn’t have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, ‘SURPRISE!’ My entire family–aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and all my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.”

3. “One of the funniest “most-embarrassing-moment” stories I’ve come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.’ That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word ‘Tampax’ for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a business like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’”

4. “This one actually happened at Harvard University in October of this year in a biology class; the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked, ‘If I understand, you’re saying there is a lot of glucose in male semen as in sugar?’ ‘That’s correct,’ responded the professor, going on to add statistical information. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, ‘Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?’ After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl’s face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books with out a word and walked out of class…and never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the Professor’s reply was classic… Totally straight-faced he answered her question, ‘It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat.'’

2006-06-08 07:57:14 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 07:56:56 · 21 answers · asked by Kirby and the Sqeaks 1

2006-06-08 07:53:10 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Knock knock
Who's there
Cooco
Cooco who?
Cooco door bell 'cause it sounds like a knock on the door!

2006-06-08 07:47:34 · 19 answers · asked by Kirby and the Sqeaks 1

please don't send speeches about what I need to do. just something good to lighten my mood

2006-06-08 07:46:39 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you have only a 5 gallon bucket and a 3 gallon bucket and a man comes to you and says he wants exactly 7 gallons of water how would you do that for him?

2006-06-08 07:36:26 · 8 answers · asked by aa72687 1

2006-06-08 07:28:14 · 17 answers · asked by scotty 89 1

2006-06-08 07:26:50 · 23 answers · asked by scotty 89 1

What is the most common name in Slovenia??

(both given name and surname together -ie John Smith)

2006-06-08 07:23:19 · 8 answers · asked by Kraljica Katica 7

2006-06-08 07:08:44 · 12 answers · asked by emcadam222 1

Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ahmed : I want 2 b a pilot.
James : I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Asif : I want 2 help Deepa.
=============================================================
Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
=============================================================
Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, “Dad, why do u keep telling people u’re dying of AIDS?”
Answer: “So when I’m dead no one will dare touch ur mom
=============================================================
Delivered:
Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, “DELIVERED”.
=============================================================

Three Feelings:
What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
=============================================================
The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!

2006-06-08 07:01:24 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two young travellers are braving their way across Mexico behind the wheel of an old van, when they come across a group of bandits standing behind a roadblock. The head honcho walks around to the door, sticks a gun into their faces and says, ‘Start masturbating, gringos!’ Shocked, but fearing for their lives, the pair duly oblige – and, despite the stress, manage to perform. As soon as they finish, the bandit chief leans in and demands: ‘Again!’ They manage a repeat performance, but are then told to continue until, tired and sore, the pair are physically incapable of another erection. ‘Good work,’ smiles the toothless Mexican as a dark figure emerges from the trees. ‘Now drive my sister to the nearest town.

2006-06-08 06:38:29 · 15 answers · asked by Chino 3

The Pope had been diagnosed as having a potentially fatal testicular disease and after treatment he was told that he had to have sex with a woman to confirm that the treatment had been fully successful. He called all his Cardinals together and told them what he had to be done and they agreed it was necessary. The Pope said he would go ahead with it but insisted on four conditions. "Firstly", he said " the girl has to be blind so she cannot see it's the Holy Father and tell the whole world" "Secondly, she must be deaf so that she doesn't recognize the Holy Father's voice and tell the whole world" "Thirdly, as a precaution, she has to be dumb so she cannot tell the whole world anyway" At this point one of the Cardinals stood up and said " Leave it to me Holy Father, I know just the woman for you" As the Cardinal was about to leave the Pope said " wait a moment, I told you there are four conditions". He beckoned the Cardinal over and as the Cardinal bent down towards him, the Pope whispered in his ear ... "Big ****!".

2006-06-08 06:29:33 · 7 answers · asked by D23 1