Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

2006-06-08 14:28:50 · 15 answers · asked by pitbullcopper2004 5

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

2006-06-08 14:26:41 · 14 answers · asked by sammy 3

2006-06-08 14:26:23 · 5 answers · asked by Atheist 3

here's how!
you cut a hole in the ice,surround it with peas,and when the bear comes up to take a pea,you kick him in the ice hole!!

2006-06-08 14:23:54 · 15 answers · asked by I Bleed Black & Gold 6

I would like to beat up Brenda Song a cant stand her !!!!!!!!

2006-06-08 13:54:34 · 12 answers · asked by .......... 3

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

2006-06-08 13:51:48 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 13:38:37 · 13 answers · asked by sumit_kn 3

I need to know!

2006-06-08 13:23:17 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

taht you can sltil raed a msgesae if the lterts are out of suqnece as lnog as the frsit and lsat ltetrs of the wrod are crorcet? Atluclay I tihnk it's ftify out of one hnderud. Wried huh?

2006-06-08 13:18:20 · 11 answers · asked by ticklefoot 4

Cool on surface, but struggling hard underneath.

2006-06-08 13:18:02 · 10 answers · asked by sammy 3

You're driving a bus...there's NO ONE on it. Its empty. Then you reach the first stop:

1 person gets on.

You reach the next stop

2 people get on.

You reach the next stop

3 people get on, 1 person gets off

You reach the next stop

4 people get on, 2 people get off.

You reach the next stop

5 people get on, 3 people get off.

You reach the next stop

6 people get on, 4 people get off

You reach the next stop

7 people get on, 5 people get off

You reach the last stop

Everyone gets off.

What color are the bus driver's eyes?

2006-06-08 13:05:56 · 32 answers · asked by DougDoug_ 6

2006-06-08 13:02:50 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 12:53:46 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 12:50:55 · 29 answers · asked by Laura 4

2006-06-08 12:38:41 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

borden overwhelms me at the moment.
I would very much like to hear what you think.
about anything really.
dogs, cats, music, farts, bubbles, trees, fairies, loins, lions, people, cars, dancing, running, clouds, feet, books, mvovies, vampires...whatever strikes your fancy!

2006-06-08 12:34:16 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 12:24:09 · 19 answers · asked by Laura 4

on my way to st. ives, i met a man with seven wives. each wife had seven sacks, each sack had seven cats, each cat had seven kittens. how many people are going to st. ives?

2006-06-08 12:17:00 · 14 answers · asked by luvdepp 2

3 guys go to a hotel to escape the storm outside. The desk clerk tells them that it'll be $30 for the night. They each pay him $10 and go to their room. He then realizes that the rate is $25 not $30 and sends the bellhop to their room with a $5 bill to give them their change. On the way the bellhop realizes that they would never be able to split a $5 bill evenly, so takes five singles from his own pocket, gives them each a dollar and keeps $2 for a tip. Since they each got a dollar back that means they only paid $9 instead of $10. 9x3=$27, plus the bellhop's $2 tip =$29. What happened to the other dollar?

2006-06-08 12:03:11 · 20 answers · asked by Willie P 2

Clue: It was in episode 1

2006-06-08 12:03:08 · 5 answers · asked by roguephoenixmystique 2

and i have a really good one:
yo mama's so ugly i can hardly tell you two apart!

(made that one all by myself, DO YOU LIKE IT???)
also, can you give me some good jokes? (doesn't have to be yo mama one)

2006-06-08 11:21:08 · 12 answers · asked by pupsaruff 2

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering
aimlessly and close to death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the
inevitable, when all of a sudden...
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is
sure of eet." "Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".
So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the
next sand dune and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's
fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of
cured pig meat you can imagine!!
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".
"And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to
within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down.

What sort of bacon tree was it ?

It was a Ham Bush....

2006-06-08 11:13:00 · 9 answers · asked by cavinue 3

i would take a pipe and a kite.lol. its a joke see if u can figure it out

2006-06-08 11:10:35 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 11:02:40 · 11 answers · asked by Missy R 1

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No. You have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she'd better make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was relased from the hospital. While crossing the street on the way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years?!? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance?"

(You'll love this!!)

God Said,






"I didn't recognize you."

2006-06-08 10:59:47 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 10:52:58 · 19 answers · asked by jonathanmusty 2

2006-06-08 10:48:02 · 8 answers · asked by Linda 2

2006-06-08 10:20:25 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-08 10:14:27 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

What did one mouse say to his friends?
Meet me in the trap it's going down!!!!
(LOL) Laugh out loud or Laugh out low!!!

2006-06-08 10:05:00 · 5 answers · asked by Sweetie 2