Whats the funniest joke u have heard? Please tell me...?

Answer 1

A young man goes into a
pharmacy and asks the pharmacist:

"Hello, could you give me a condom.
My girlfriend has invited me for dinner

and I think she is expecting something from me!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom;
and as the young man is going out,

he returns and tells him: "Give me a
another condom because my girlfriend's sister
very cute too.

She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner
when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom;

and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says:
"After all, give me one more condom because my
girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute and
when she sees me she always makes allusions...
and since she invited me for dinner,
I think she is expecting something from me!!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his
left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him.

When the dad gets there, the boy lowers
his head and starts praying: "Dear Lord,
bless this dinner...thank you for all you give us...!!!"

A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your
kindness..."

Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying,
keeping his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his
girlfriend even more than the others.

She gets close to the boy and tells him in his ear:
"I didn't know you were so religious!!!"

The boy replies :"I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!!!"

Answer 2

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the men's room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the men's room door, it was "OCCUPIED". The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP and ATR". Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway. He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women really have it made!". Still curious, he pressed the button marked "WA" and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world! The button marked "PP" yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked "ATR". When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!" The nurse replied, "Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the "ATR" button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover... your penis is under your pillow!"

Answer 3

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the men's room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the men's room door, it was "OCCUPIED". The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside.

The buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP and ATR". Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.

He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women really have it made!".

Still curious, he pressed the button marked "WA" and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world!

The button marked "PP" yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear.

Well, naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked "ATR". When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse.

When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!"

The nurse replied, "Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the "ATR" button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover... Your p*nis is under your pillow!"

Answer 4

A man was sitting next to his wife, who was about to have a baby. The doctor offers the wife a way to reduce the pain. "We've invented a device that shares some of the pain with the father, would you like to try it?" So they both say yes.
As she's giving birth, the doctor turns the switch up to five. The husband says, I don't feel anything. So then the doctor turns it up to 15, and so on and so on. After the baby comes out, all nice and healthy, the husband says, "Boy, that was effortless!"

When they arrive home, they see the mailman dead on their doorstep.

Answer 5

A sausage walked into a pub and ordered a pint. The barman said " Sorry sir we don't serve food in here."
His friend the piece of string followed and was told they don't serve string either. Another friend went to the bar and the barman asked if he was a piece of string. He said " No I'm a frayed knot."

Answer 6

There was a guy from Italia who went on vacation and met a girl from Sweden.They met each other and the Italian man asked the girl for sex.And she agreed.They went to bed and made love for one hour, two hours.The guy asked -Finish?
-No!
After half an hour:Finish?
No!
Afer another half an hour:Finish?
No!
Then again:Finish???
No, Swedish!!
:)

Answer 7

Two blondes were standing in their yard one evening admireing the full moon. The first girl says to her friend" I wonder what is farther away, Florida or the Moon" ? Her roomate rolls her eyes and replies; "You really are dumb, Florida is farther away, WE CAN SEE THE MOON

Answer 8

2 dwarfs pull 2 girls and take them home.
first dwarf can't get an erection + to make things worse , all night he hears the 2nd dwarf saying '' 1 2 3 here i come again uuuggghhh , 1 2 3 here i come again uuugggghh .
next morning 1st dwarf says to 2nd dwarf '' how embarrasing , i couldn't even get an erection .
2 nd dwarf says '' you thinks thats bad . I couldn't even get on the ******* bed''.

Answer 9

A bald man said to a hairdresser " I will give you £10,000 if you can make my hair like yours" So the hairdresser shaved his own head

Answer 10

sunderland f.c. had to turn down a sponsership deal from a major dog food manufacturor because it meant having WINALOT printed on the shirts