Jokes & Riddles - November 2007

half a dog!!

2007-11-30 00:20:30 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Bill says, "OK, I`m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I`ll do it." 2 hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack.

Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?" "Steve`s wife gave it to me."

"That`s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"

Bill says,"Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, `You must be Steve`s widow.`"

She said, "`No, I`m not a widow."

And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"

2007-11-29 23:58:37 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once a smart politician decides to marry his son. He calls his son and order him to marry a girl of his choice.

Son : Dad I am not yet made-up my mind to marry, hence I am not interested.

Dad : Do you know who the girl is ? she is daugther of Bill Gates.

Son : Okey. Then no problem I will get married.

The smart dad will go to Bill Gates and tells - an eligible bachelar is there in my view as a groom, are u interested in marrying your daughter to him.

Bill Gates : No I am not interested.
Smart Dad : Do u know who is the boy ? He is Vice President of World Bank.

Bill Gates : Okey. Then I will. Please proceed.

Then the smart politician will go to World Bank President and tells him - there is a bright boy - would you appoint him as Vice President of the World Bank.
President : Already we have several, not interested.
Smart Politician : Do u know who the boy is, he is son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: : Okey . I will accommodate one more.

2007-11-29 23:57:27 · 16 answers · asked by philos_offer55 3

At a restaurant, one of the customers noticed that all of the waiters
had two spoons in their vest pockets. Upon being asked, one waiter
said, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware are spoons,
therefore we keep them for replacement."
Then the customer noticed that a string was hanging out of all the
waiters' flies and asked what the string was for. "The string is for
us to go to the bathroom," explained the waiter, "that way, when we
pull it, it shoots and aims right away. Then we don't have to stop to
wash our hands."
The customer asked, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you
get it back in?"
The waiter whispered confidentially, "I don't know about the others,
but I use the two spoons."

2007-11-29 23:44:14 · 16 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

"Doc, I think my son has VD," a patient told his urologist on the
phone. "The only woman he's screwed is our maid."
"Okay, don't be hard on him. He's just a kid," the medic soothed. "Get
him in here right away and I'll take care of him."
"But I've been screwing the maid too, and I've got the same symptoms
he has."
"Then you come in with him and I'll fix you both up," replied the
doctor.
"Well," the man admitted, "I think my wife has it too."
"Oh crap!" the physician roared. "That means we've all got it!"

2007-11-29 23:39:35 · 23 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

One day, a teacher in a high school class was administering a test,
and she noticed that four pupils were missing.
The first one came in.
"Why are you so late?" the teacher said to him.
"Sorry, miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
She told him to go sit down.
Then the second pupil came in.
"Why are you so late?" she said to him.
"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
She told him to go sit down.
Then the third one came in.
"Why are you so late?" she said to him.
"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
She told him to go sit down.
Finally, the fourth pupil, a girl, came in.
"I suppose you've been up Penny Lane, too, then?"
"No, miss," she said to the teacher. "I am Penny Lane"

2007-11-29 23:37:39 · 18 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked
out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said,
"Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I
can increase my husband's sex drive."
The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"
The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when
he has a headache," she claimed.
"Well," the doctor continued, "let me suggest something. Crush the
Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the
coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor
asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
"How did it go?" the doctor asked.
"Terribly, doctor, terribly."
"Did it not work?"
"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up
and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love
on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."
"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"
"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."

2007-11-29 23:36:00 · 20 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

One day, while an elephant was walking through the woods, she got a thorn stuck in her foot. She saw an ant passing and asked him to help her get the thorn out.

The ant asked, "What do I get in return?" The elephant replied, "If you get it out, I'll have sex with you."

So the ant gets busy taking the thorn out. When he finally gets it out he looks up at the elephant and says "OK it's out, are you ready?".

The elephant thinks, "Hey, what's a little ant gonna do anyways?" The ant climbs up and starts to work away. Just then a monkey overhead drops a coconut on the elephant's head.

"Ouch" screams the elephant, and the ant responds, "Yeah take it all *****."

2007-11-29 23:25:16 · 7 answers · asked by Denz 5

The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his
wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down
the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Sam", he demanded.
"No !" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.
"NO !!!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.

2007-11-29 23:17:32 · 17 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify.

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope? (Check only one) (a) Jewish (b) CATHOLIC (c) Hindu (d)Swedish (e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (Approximate)

8. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (C) NORTHERNERS

9. Spell -- CAT, DOG, PIG

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

EXTRA CREDIT: Using your fingers, count from 1-5.

2007-11-29 22:20:54 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.

3) My Love for you is like diarrhea .. I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6) If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."

9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up

2007-11-29 22:18:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced! When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast; eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All of this was just too wonderful for words", he said; "But what's the dollar for"? "Well", she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said; "Screw him. Give him a dollar". "The breakfast was my idea!!"

2007-11-29 21:39:48 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cowgirl walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my sisters, though."

2007-11-29 21:17:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-- he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake you head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

2007-11-29 20:57:28 · 14 answers · asked by jake5282 2

Bill: "I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman!"

GW: "Well, why not?"

2007-11-29 20:48:01 · 2 answers · asked by zgraf 4

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." he heard a loud whisper: "F-ck the Japs."

"Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little sh!t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh sh!t, we're f-cked."

Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001"

2007-11-29 20:46:03 · 10 answers · asked by Peace =) 4

well, its kind of an in joke, that we've making as many hooker jokes & refernces as we can, coz we're going to a costume party as hookers, and i wanted to do a little book thing with pics from that night, and hooker jokes, and give it to my friend, whos moving away soon... buti dont know very many hooker jokes that are actually funny, and theyre kinda hard to find on google... if any of you know any, that would be soooo great.
thanks heaps.
xxxoxxx

2007-11-29 20:06:35 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

The English and Scots were hard at it - battle I mean and each army had chosen one of two hills above a glen which they would fight in in the morning.

On their respective hills they prepared for the morning battle, but when morning came there was a fog so thick, they could barely see their own comrades on the hill than endeavour to find their enemies in the even thicker fog down below.

The English general was mulling the situation when he hears a Scottish voice coming up from the glen

"Wan Scotsman can beat two Englishmen" the voice said menacingly. The general despatched two of his top lads down into the fog. They never returned.

A few minutes later, the voice came again, "Wan Scotsman can beat ten Englishmen" The general despatched ten of his top lads down into the fog. They too never returned.

A few minutes later again, the voice came menacingly, "Wan Scotsman can beat FIFTY Englishmen" The general, much irritated despatched fifty more of his top troops down into the fog. They never returned either.

Just as before, the voice came even more menacingly, "Wan Scotsman can beat ONE HUNDRED Englishmen" The general, beside himself with rage, ordered 100 troops down into the fog. Despairingly, they never returned either.

Except one, who came crawling up the hill, bloodied and near to expiry

"It's a trick sir, a trick....



there's TWO of them!"

2007-11-29 20:04:11 · 20 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

A Labour MP of some high standing eventually comes to the end of his earthly career and stands at the pearly gates.

"Hmm," says St Peter, "I'm afraid it's not so clear cut with you high and mighty types, seeing as you had such a good innings. You need to tell us where you want to go"

"Here" says the astonished politician,"here of course"

"Sorry, rules are rules," says St Peter," you need to go to hell first, then come up here for a while and decide for yourself."

So into the lift he goes and it goes all the way down to hell. The doors open and he is rather surprised. He is in the middle of a perfect golf course, and he wanders over to the club house. All his friends are there chatting to Old Nick. All look devastatingly attractive, youthful, as they should have been were it not for the vicissitudes of bad genes, poor health, bad diet or age. All around was luxury and plenty, all were dressed in the most sparkling and becoming of evening wear. Drinks were poured and the evening wore on, but no one wore out. The heady high remained so, no anger, no bad feeling and he left the party in the dazzling company of someone he had always lusted after in life. In the morning he felt refreshed and ready to go. He played golf - and won, he went to the races, and won and just as the glitterati were assembling for another party, he was suddenly summoned upstairs.

Up he went into the lift and ascended to heaven.

"Now you must spend a day here" said St Peter to the politician.

It was all in all very pleasant, Everything was bright and clean and peaceful, filled with delightful young people who played harps, sang praises and did the most wonderful chants. Rivers were of the most wonderful water, and little birds and animals delighted the eye.

When the day was done, St Peter asked him to make his decision - heaven, or, the other place.

"Well, no offence St Peter, this is all very nice and stuff, but, I did prefer, much to my astonishment, the other place."

"Very well" St Peter said gravely, "but remember, there is no coming back."

Bursting with excitement our front bencher went into the lift and descended joyfully to hellish eternity.

When the doors opened, he got the shock of his life. Where there was a golf course was now a barren land, the club house a smoking ruin, and his friends were all ugly, old, mis-shaped and in rags and they spent their time picking vile rubbish from the ruins of the landscape.

"But, but, but..."

The Devil sidled up to him

"Welcome to hell!"

"But it was so different yesterday!" the politician protested

"Oh yes, but you see" the Devil explained, "yesterday we were campaigning - today, you voted!"

2007-11-29 19:37:59 · 18 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

One particular Christmas season, a long time ago, Santa was getting
ready for his annual trip. But there were problems. Four of his elves
were sick, and the trainee elves just weren't working out.

Things got worse when Mrs. Claus told him her mother was coming to
visit. Then, when he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three
of them were about to give birth. Two others had jumped the fence and
were out carousing, heaven knows where.

When he went to load the sleigh, one of the side boards cracked and the
toy bag fell to the ground, scattering the toys. Frustrated, Santa went
into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey, but when he
opened the cupboard, he discovered the elves had apparently had a party,
and there was nothing left to drink.

Just as he accidentally dropped the coffee pot, breaking it in hundreds
of little pieces, the doorbell rang. Santa opened the door, cursing
beneath his breath, and there stood a beautiful little angel with an
enormous, perfectly shaped Christmas Traditions Christmas tree. "Merry
Christmas Santa," the angel said. "Isn't it just a lovely day to be
alive? Look! I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me
to put it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.

2007-11-29 19:26:17 · 21 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

There was a little boy playing in the living room with his new
Electric Train set that he'd just gotten for Christmas. His mother
was in the kitchen doing dishes.

The mother heard the train stop and heard her son bellow out,
"All you sons-a-b*tches that want to disembark do it now. Any of you bastards
who want to get on had better get going cause we're fixin' to leave."

Stunned, his mother immediately dropped what she was doing and ran
into the living room. She yanked her son up and said, "We don't use
that kind of language in this house young man! Now you can go up to
your room and you can come out in two hours after you've thought
about your behavior."

The little boy went to his room and returned to the living room in two
hours and started playing with his train again. The mother heard the
train stop and the little boy say, "I would like to thank those of you
leaving for traveling with us today. Please don't forget to take your
personal items with you. For those of you boarding the train, please
store your personal items under your seats or in the overhead bins.
We will be leaving shortly."

His mother was just as proud as a mother could be...

Her heart full of pride, she heard him continue, "And those of you
who are p*ssed off about the two hour delay, please see the b*tch in the
kitchen."

2007-11-29 19:13:25 · 30 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect
courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was,
of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect
couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when
they noticed someone at the side of the roadside in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa
Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any
children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded
Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving
along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions
deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.
Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer










The perfect woman. She's the only one that really existed in the
first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no
such thing as a perfect man...
Women: stop reading here. Men: keep scrolling.








So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect
woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car
accident. (By the way if you're a woman, and you're reading
this...this brings up another point....women never listen either.......)

2007-11-29 19:08:15 · 21 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

When the guys do the pick-up line "Did it hurt?"

































"WHEN YOU CRAWLED OUTTA HELL!?!?!"

Yes i no lame.... gotta go to bed, c ya!

2007-11-29 18:45:46 · 5 answers · asked by ferrisdidit 4

Tribal chief feathers


A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses.

"Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied.

Indicating a nearby young brave, he continued, "Him? One woman, one feather. Him?" Pointing to a second, older man, "Three women, three feathers."

The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. "But you have so many feathers!"

The Chief proudly slapped his chest. "Me Chief. Sleep with all women. Big, small, fat, tall."

Horrified, the female reporter said, "You ought to be hung!"

The Chief said, "Damn right. Me hung big like buffalo, long like snake."

The offended reporter said, "You don't have to be so hostile!"

The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style!"

The reporter cried, "Oh, dear!"

"No deer", said the Chief. "Ass too high, run too fast !"

2007-11-29 18:29:45 · 3 answers · asked by VJ 2

Three Chinese immigrants named Fu, Bu, and, Chu who went to live in the U.S.A. decided to americanize their names:

Bu called himself "Buck"

Chu called himself "Chuck"

Fu decided to go back to China

2007-11-29 17:32:33 · 6 answers · asked by ferrisdidit 4

A guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. He looks in the yellow pages and, sure enough, finds a gorilla removal service.When he calls and asks if they can remove the gorilla, the service guy asks, "Is it male or female?"

"Male," he replies.

"Oh yeah, we can do it. I'll be right there," he states. An hour later, the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions. "I'm going to climb up on the roof and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls down to the ground, when he does, the Chihuahua is trained to bite the gorilla on his private parts and not let go. The gorilla will then reach down with both hands to try and remove the dog, allowing you to put the handcuffs on him."

"What do I do with the shotgun?" the man asks.

"That's simple," the service guy replies. "If I fall off the roof before the gorilla, you shoot the Chihuahua."

2007-11-29 17:08:03 · 8 answers · asked by ferrisdidit 4

3 men are in a forest and they get captured by an indian tribe. The emporer of the tribe says Ok, Each of you bring me 10 of the same fruits and report back here when you get them. so they split up. the 1st guy comes back with 10 apples. then the emporer says ok well i dont want to eat them i want to see you suffer. so the emporer goes on and says stick those apples up your *** AND NO FACIAL expressions. no laughing, no crying. so he sticks 1,2 but on the 3rd one he starts crying so he dies. the second one comes back with grapes. the emporer tells him the same thing. but this time on the 9th one he starts LAUGHING. so he dies. the 2 guys meet up in heaven and the 1st guy goes dude, why did you laugh u could have made it and lived. the 2nd guy goes, I Couldnt help it i saw the 3rd guy coming back with pinapples!!!

2007-11-29 16:35:18 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Answer:

Because as far as I can tell, There's a big difference between being Blind and being Stupid!!!


Boy,... You Guys sure missed the Mark on the last one........

It was all a Joke People...I was not planning to go anywhere.
Go Back and ReRead it.....

2007-11-29 16:13:07 · 15 answers · asked by Bolles Harbor Alive-New 360 pg 3

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter asked him,"What have you done to merit entrance into heaven?"
The lawyer thought a moment, then said,"A week ago, I gave a quarter cent to a homeless person on the street."
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true.
Saint Peter said,"Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
The Lawyer said, "Wait, wait! There's more! Three years ago, I also gave a homeless person a quarter cent."
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment nodded back to affirm that it was true.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel,"Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong galnce, then said to Saint Peter,"Let's give back him his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

2007-11-29 15:37:04 · 20 answers · asked by aditya 1

A man & wife entered a dentist's office. The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

2007-11-29 15:34:14 · 18 answers · asked by Sonia 2