Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

This is going to make you so MAD! There are three words in the English language that end in "gry". ONE is angry and the other is hungry. EveryONE knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for. EveryONE uses them everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've given you the third word. What is it? _______gry?

2007-03-02 04:32:55 · 15 answers · asked by ANDREA 2

2007-03-02 04:26:30 · 6 answers · asked by Carla M 1

PLEASE HELP need this by 12PM?
I need the answer to this word puzzle

ba_ _ ain
l_ _ger
dy_ _ sty
_ _ gote
sa_ _ ation
di_ _ pan
pum_ _in (may be two words)
de_ _ ay
bo_ _ ar
di_ _ it
sun_ _ rn
obl _ _ ue
li_ _ off

only can use the letters of the alphabet once A-Z

2007-03-02 04:20:11 · 9 answers · asked by freespiritedtaye 2

from either Flying Circus or Film.

I'm partial to: "My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white”

2007-03-02 04:13:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman goes into a tackle shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the pay desk.

She says, "Excuse me but can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
The assistant says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week For only £20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a MasterCard," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind assistant could tell it was her who farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be £34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for £20.00? How did you get £34.50?"

He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel are £20.00, but the duck call is £11.00 and the catfish bait is £3.50."

2007-03-02 04:11:46 · 58 answers · asked by David 6

I'm trying to see how easy this is to solve, when you solve it please leave the approx time it took you to solve it. Thank you.

Here's the puzzle:
"The hiss cent hence own Lee May kiss hence infrared Allah duh!"

2007-03-02 04:09:56 · 8 answers · asked by Beef 5

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.>
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?
The crow answered: "Sure, why not"
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

2007-03-02 04:06:02 · 20 answers · asked by pervertidamente 2

i saw a bum wearing a fight poverty tshirt-so i hit him.
i saw a bum with 1 shoe the other day.i said to him"you've lost a shoe!"he goes "no,i found one!"
a bum came up to me and said "i havent eaten food in 3 days!"i said "dont worry,it still tastes the same."

2007-03-02 03:56:22 · 6 answers · asked by rossy g 2

first to guess gets points

2007-03-02 03:55:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Got a funny joke. Please dont tell me unfunny jokes

2007-03-02 03:51:42 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tell me something really funny. Make me Roll on the Floor Laughing Out Loud.

To make this a real challenge here are some rules:
Nothing Anti-Religious
Nothing Sexist
Nothing Racist
No put downs (towards anybody)

2007-03-02 03:36:40 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

And why is he the true cowboy. First correct answer gets 10 points.

2007-03-02 03:29:53 · 14 answers · asked by Futureguy51 4

a teenager comes home from school.his mother is like "oh how was your day precious?"."fine" he says,"but i had sex with my teacher".his mother is outraged."you did WHAT!!!?thats it lets see what your father has to say!"so they go tell the old man.secretly he is proud but cant show it in front of his wife so he pretends to be mad and says to the wife"il take him out for a drive and teach him a lesson."when they get to the car he puts his arm around him and says"thats my boy!well done son.ok im gonna reward you with anything you want from the shopping centre."so they head in and the kid sees a lovely red bike and decides its what he wants.so they head back to the car and the dad says"listen you can cycle it home we dont live so far away."but the kid says "i cant dad,my bottom is still sore".

2007-03-02 03:27:14 · 29 answers · asked by rossy g 2

A teacher asks her class, "if there are 3 birds on a wall and 1 gets shot, how many are left"? Litlle Johnny raises his hand and answers, "none. The noise wud have scared them all away? Teacher replies, "no johnny there wud be two birds left but i like your thinking". Frustrated, johnny says, "ok miss i have a question for you; there are three women eating an ice cream, one is eating it slowly and delicately, one is biting it quikly and one is sucking and licking it hard and passionately; which one is married?" The teacher blushes furiously and says, "well i suppose the third one, licking and sucking it hard and passionately". Little Johnny replies actually its the one wearing the wedding ring but i like your thinking!!!!

2007-03-02 03:23:24 · 22 answers · asked by **Missy** 3

2007-03-02 03:18:24 · 11 answers · asked by Bloo 2

Post the funniest thing to do at wal-mart!!!

2007-03-02 03:16:17 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

there were 2 old people. their names were fred and jimmy, one day they're sitting in the park, and fred says,"jimmy tomorrow is our 85th friendship anniversery". jimmy says," yes fred we should celebrate.

they go to a bar and get really drunk. they are dancing with young girls. so fred calls a bar waitress who serves the drinks, and says,"we need 2 sluts". so the bar waitress sets them with the inflatible dummies. they were blown up were filled with air. so in other words, they were made out of plastic.

so all night the old people were having sex with a dummy.

the next morning they went home. fred says" how was yours last night". jimmy replies," mine was just standing there doing nothing". jimmy asks fred,"fred how was yours". fred says, mine was a witch. i bit her neck, she farted, and flew out the window

2007-03-02 03:15:05 · 2 answers · asked by Pistonsfan101 5

No legs have I to dance,
No lungs have I to breathe,
No life have I to live or die
And yet I do all three.
What am I?

2007-03-02 03:11:51 · 11 answers · asked by jaded girl 1

there is this women that works at a bar and one day a lady comes in and there sittin there talkin and the bar tinder was talkin about have to go to work sick. well a few mins later, the other lady said man i wouldnt want to come to work sounding like that either. its so anueing.
the bartinder looks at her and says this is my real voice and walks off well a little while later the same women comes up to the bar and asked for some beer. the bar tender said im sory i dont like serving pregant people in my bar.

2007-03-02 03:11:01 · 18 answers · asked by slick_chik316 3

how is that so?

2007-03-02 03:09:27 · 12 answers · asked by jaded girl 1

the dog poo doean't stink anymore!

2007-03-02 03:07:37 · 16 answers · asked by lkrhtr70 4

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed a wee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her bum that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never 4get you!

2007-03-02 02:57:28 · 29 answers · asked by **Missy** 3

A gay mans partner passes away and rather than bury him but instead decides to keep the body.one of their mutual friends calls round one evening and to his horror he finds him cooking his dead friend into a dead man vindaloo."what are you doing"he exclaims!!"."i just wanted to feel him dribble out of my backside one more time."

2007-03-02 02:55:59 · 23 answers · asked by rossy g 2

okay i have like a hard time spelling and i always get confoosed with cat and cow.... i see the pictures and i cant remember how to spell cat or cow..... and i always think that the cow is the cat and that the cat is the cow..... can someone help me spell them and show me the differance between the two.

2007-03-02 02:49:31 · 17 answers · asked by awesomeness 1

n power rangers mystic force who is snow prince?

2007-03-02 02:44:11 · 4 answers · asked by Pentecost 1

....the waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."

So, he gets a cup of coffee. Then he sees that the guy next to him has finished his meal, but the chilli bowl is still full. He says, "Are you going to eat that?"

The other guy says, "No. You can have it."

The guy takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, he sees a dead mouse in it and he pukes the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

2007-03-02 02:43:20 · 6 answers · asked by Ecko 4

not that i wanna eat him or anything,i just miss him.

2007-03-02 02:41:26 · 6 answers · asked by Baby Doll 3

Ok my b/f was sending me a naughty pic (of his male member) to my cell phone..he acidently transposed the last 2 digets of the number and the message went through to someone elses phone.

We can't help but think who got the message? Was it a man, or woman, kid or adult, it is cracking us up.
Thank goodness it didn't show his face. hahaha

2007-03-02 02:32:52 · 8 answers · asked by 2shay 5

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife
says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."

Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My
nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.

"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

2007-03-02 02:30:23 · 5 answers · asked by Ecko 4

Men are like a deck of cars....

You need a ♥ to love them...
A ♦ to marry them...
A ♣ to beat their head in...
And a ♠ to bury the basterd.

2007-03-02 02:28:52 · 13 answers · asked by Pirate 3