Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional."

The second guy says, "I'm a DINK. You know, double income, no kids."

The third guy says, "I'm a RUB. You know, rich urban biker."

They turn to the woman and ask, "So what are you?"

The woman replies, "I'm a WIFE. You know - Wash, Iron, F***, Etc."

2007-03-02 00:29:41 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally in this unlikely, fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

THE SITUATION
You are in New Orleans, there is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. You're a photo journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you.

THE TEST
Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.
You move closer.
Somehow the man looks familiar.
You suddenly realize who it is.
It's Rev. Al Sharpton.

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options- you can save the life of the "Reverend", or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most famous men.

THE QUESTION
Here's the question, and please give an honest answer....

Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

2007-03-02 00:27:03 · 19 answers · asked by Krazykraut 3

I knew a girl at work once who was truly concerned about her husband's smoking habit.

She told me that she had finally gotten him to agree to limit his smoking at home to only those times when they had finished making lxve. She had gotten the idea from a classic movie they had both see on television called "Cold Turkey."

After about a week, I asked her how it was going.

"Well, not too bad," she said, getting up off of a pillow she had in her chair and limping towards the photocopy machine. "I have gotten him down to about a pack a night now."

2007-03-02 00:26:55 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three guys were on business trips to Saudi Arabia. One day, they came upon this harem with over 100 beautiful women.

They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will each die and in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Alright women, shoot his pxnis off!," said the sheik.

The sheik then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen," said the second man. "Alright women, burn his pxnis off!," said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a big smile on his face, "I'm a lollipop salesman."

2007-03-02 00:23:46 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a leak, whipping his willy out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, "This is for ladies!" she screamed. The drunk waved his willy at her and said "So is this!"

2007-03-02 00:23:03 · 16 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water which is 45 degrees F, and dropped another ball of the same weight, mass,and size in a bucket at 30 degrees F, both of them at the same time, which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first?

Same question, but the location is in Canada?

2007-03-02 00:21:39 · 6 answers · asked by Momofboys 3

One evening, Prince Charming walked into a tavern appearing downtrodden. Immediately, the bartender turned to Prince Charming and asked him why he's so glum.

"You wouldn't believe it," the Prince replied. "I was walking through the Enchanted Forest when suddenly I approached Snow White, fast asleep on a bed of stone. The dwarf next to her told me that she had eaten a poisonous apple and could only be revived through a kiss from my very lips. I gave her a peck on the cheek. Nothing. So I give Snow White a real deep kiss while massaging her hair with my fingers. Nothing. Soon enough, I'm making pxssionate lxve to her right there in the woods, when suddenly she screams out, 'Ah yes'!"

"That's great!" the bartender excitedly replied to Prince Charming. "Then she is alive!"

Shrugging his shoulders Prince Charming replied, "Nah. She faked it."

2007-03-02 00:19:56 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need good prank to play on fella, we'll all be heading out tomorrow night and want to play prank on him as revenge for embarrassing photo he took of me and stuck it on his website. you can't tell it's me but everyone that was there knows it is. i wouldn't mind but i begged him and he told me that he wouldn't. so any help will be much appriecitated. thanking you all in advance.

2007-03-02 00:19:14 · 3 answers · asked by Shannyn 5

2007-03-02 00:18:10 · 3 answers · asked by love_fool 3

There is a man that lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work. Upon returning from work
though, he can only travel half way up in the elevator and has to walk the rest of the way, unless it's raining! WHY?

2007-03-02 00:17:45 · 5 answers · asked by Momofboys 3

2007-03-02 00:16:45 · 10 answers · asked by stuartalan w 5

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk;
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

moods of a Man

Hxrny.

2007-03-02 00:16:30 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

If there are fifteen crows on a fence and the farmer shoots a
third of them, how many are left?

2007-03-02 00:14:57 · 11 answers · asked by Momofboys 3

After reading the passage below, tell me what is odd or unusual about it, other than it doesn't make a lot of sense. There is nothing WRONG with this passage, it's just got something unusual to it.

"Gatsby was walking back from a visit down in Branton Hill's manufacturing district on a Saturday night. A busy day's traffic had had its noisy run; and with not many folks in sight, His Honor got along without having to stop to grasp a hand, or talk; for a mayor out of City Hall is a shining mark for any politician. And so, coming to Broadway, a booming bass drum and sounds of singing, told of a small Salvation Army unit carrying on amidst Broadway's night shopping crowds. Gatsby, walking towards that group, saw a young girl, back toward him, just finishing a long, soulful oration ... "

Also, this passage is from the book "Gatsby". My father forwarded this to me, he's got a knack for these things.

Whoever gets it right gets the best answer!

2007-03-02 00:13:12 · 6 answers · asked by jbothayer 2

I was with OJ looking for the real killer.

2007-03-01 23:59:47 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three boys walk into class.
The teacher asks for their homework.
The first one walks up and says, "Sorry, but i didn't do it."
The second one walks up and says, "My dog ate my homework."
(He gives her a chewed up piece of paper.)
The third one walks up and says, "I am sorry, my fire ate my homework."
(He presents her the charred remains.)

2007-03-01 23:50:27 · 11 answers · asked by cripm88 3

A man says to his wife,Let me take a picture of your boobs so I can always look at them.
His wife says,OK let me take a picture of your penis so I can have it enlarged.

2007-03-01 23:50:22 · 7 answers · asked by MISS K.I.A. 5

i know many jokes but i can remember none of them:(

2007-03-01 23:49:52 · 11 answers · asked by sopka_bobo 1

a man comes home from work one afternoon, he sees his wife sliding down the stairway rail naked, he asked "what are you doing?"...she says "warming up your dinner"!!


ta da

2007-03-01 23:48:41 · 12 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

2007-03-01 23:39:52 · 34 answers · asked by RozPot 3

Not dirty ,But ....Bob and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe's first time hunting, so he was following Bob's lead. Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was in and be quiet.

After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened. Joe said, "There was this snake and he slithered across my feet, but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed."

"So then what did make you scream?" Bob asked, exasperated.

"Well," Joe continued, "two squirrels crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, 'Should we take them home or eat 'em now?'"


still waiting on my first violation of the day. i can see it coming before 3pm

2007-03-01 23:34:50 · 8 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

a man, phones is office to say i can"t come in today,is manger asked how sick are you, the man replied,im in bed with me sister!!!

2007-03-01 23:23:39 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

......an oven and a woman?


the oven doesnt f4rt when you take your meat out.


star it if you think its funny cos i feel a violation coming on.

2007-03-01 23:22:25 · 15 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

.....between an oven and a women, an oven doesn't fart when you take your meat out!



give it a star if ya like cos i'll prob get violated for it anyway. thanks

2007-03-01 23:16:02 · 2 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

...what his favourite muscial instrument was.

He replied, 'the dinner bell'

2007-03-01 23:10:36 · 18 answers · asked by Ecko 4

So two cops walk into a room with no windows and find a dead man who obviously hanged himself from the ceiling, though they couldn't figure out how. There was no chair beneath him that he might have jumped off of, or a table. Just a puddle of water. How'd he do it?

2007-03-01 23:07:45 · 6 answers · asked by jbothayer 2

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... No."

"Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheel chair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was cut off.

"Third, that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply,

2007-03-01 22:50:52 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

When a house is on fire what sits on the top of the stairs is black and has four wheels

2007-03-01 22:36:18 · 10 answers · asked by That guy 3

hhehehhe..^_^

This riddle just popped up in my mind a few moments ago..^_^

Time to think.....^_^

2007-03-01 22:24:22 · 3 answers · asked by Romeo (The Original) 2

For use on my mobile phone?

2007-03-01 22:23:42 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous