Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

2007-03-01 13:57:43 · 4 answers · asked by Yahoo! "Spy" 1

2007-03-01 13:51:57 · 5 answers · asked by danky2stanky 1

2007-03-01 13:50:28 · 8 answers · asked by The Postulator 5

2007-03-01 13:46:51 · 7 answers · asked by maimatt7 3

I see fat people everywhere and they certainly don't use/need their legs. I mean a rule of being fat must be expanding as little energy as possible...especially those who must use those wheelchairs to drag themselves everywhere....I mean what a waste...completely viable legs and spinal cords...just give them to the paraplegics who would do anything to walk 1 mile!

2007-03-01 13:43:19 · 15 answers · asked by tanlines85 1

2007-03-01 13:41:49 · 36 answers · asked by ThinkaboutThis 6

What's better than winning a gold medal at the Redneck Olympics?

Not being a Redneck.

2007-03-01 13:34:47 · 6 answers · asked by Commander 3

Please feel free to add to the list and tell me which is the best:

One day Bill Clinton was walking down the Street with headphones on. Mean teenagers came and took them off his head and he died. They listened to the headphones and they said breathe in, breath out, brethe in, breath out.\

Bill Clinton and 2 other men found a cliff that you could jump off of and say a word and land in a house full of the object. The first guy jumped off saying chocolate and landed in a house full of chocolate. The second guy jumped off saying marshmallows and landed in a house full of marshmallows. Bill Clinton was running to jump off and tripped and yelled CRAP... i think you can guess what happened.

Bill Clinton and 2 other guys were runnin from the cops. They hid in a shed. The cops broke in and yelled FREEZE. The first robber yelled look a tornado! he ran out the back doors while thier backs were turned. The next robber yelled hurricane! and he ran out the back door while thier backs were..

2007-03-01 13:34:36 · 8 answers · asked by Lone Hunter 4

2007-03-01 13:33:34 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

im stumped on this riddle

Even the strongest cannot resist me;
I am the doom and rebirth of all things,
It is I who will evaporate the sea,
And shall see the tallest mountains crumble.
It is inevitable.
Who...am I?

2007-03-01 13:29:32 · 10 answers · asked by s.s. coolio 2

ANSWER."Squirrel Sxxt"

2007-03-01 13:28:32 · 19 answers · asked by colin050659 6

should you say it with no pants on, with a picutre of the mom tattooes on ur lest cheek, with no pants on, with a picture od the mom tatooed on ur right cheek? i need this to counter bullies, HELP

2007-03-01 13:16:04 · 7 answers · asked by wild pony 2

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid!" I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.

That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000.

In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed.

Flip one off?

.....I think not.

2007-03-01 13:15:01 · 16 answers · asked by mysweetest666 1

Laugh my A.S.S. off.

2007-03-01 13:14:24 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-01 13:13:37 · 7 answers · asked by nisha "da NIGGA " 1

2007-03-01 13:13:08 · 6 answers · asked by wardah 1

i am with a bunch of my friends a lot who have very funny jokes. i for one never have such jokes. i need a funny joke to impress my friends with. please give me one! can me dirty, but nothing about priests, i am episcopalian and that offends me. funniest joke gets points!

2007-03-01 13:10:00 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-01 13:04:51 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok i need to think of a word that are antonyms of the following words 1) fled- it must start with a CH and its a 6 letter word
2) tanned- it starts with a P and is a 4 letter word
3) unchanged- it starts with ALT and is a 7 letter word
4) slim- it is a 7 letter word the first letter is S and the third letter is O
5) disinterested- it is a 4 letter word and the first 3 letters are KEE
thank you and once again it must be the antonyms

2007-03-01 12:59:57 · 10 answers · asked by unknown 4

I was inside my classroom when suddenly the air begun to stunk. Damn so gross! It stunk! Worst he was sitting besides me! I was pretty sure he was the culprit and I knew some of my classmates smelled the "aroma" too. I don't know if he was eating garbage or what! Damn it stunk! Yukkk! Scenario was: L-shaped type classroom and instructor was discussing the lecture. !0 people were inside the class - just a small class. What would you do if this ever happen to you? So rude, I was thinking of becoming rude to him myself.

2007-03-01 12:56:13 · 16 answers · asked by Confuse_Guy 1

with a round face and no nose?

2007-03-01 12:53:33 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And the #1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"

2007-03-01 12:48:29 · 18 answers · asked by conan 4

the letters are
K
P
C
O
F
G
S

Please help its for science. it means make a sentence with words that start with those letters in that order.

2007-03-01 12:47:47 · 13 answers · asked by Samdog2 3

A man wants to build a house. It will be a perfectly square house. He wants windows on every wall on the house. He wants all the windows to face north. how does he do it?

2007-03-01 12:34:34 · 13 answers · asked by Lone Hunter 4

If a rooster layes an egg on the exact middle of the top edge of a house and there is no wind will it fall to the east side or the west side?

2007-03-01 12:26:47 · 14 answers · asked by Lone Hunter 4

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and
begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it ok if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2006 models. I saw one I really liked."


MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year
Is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"


M AN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They
will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's
really a pretty good price."


WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at
Him in astonishment, mouths agape.





He turns and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

2007-03-01 12:26:47 · 29 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2007-03-01 12:25:03 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

its a canaryal disease called Twerpies and its untweetable.



sorry-I was compelled to post this

2007-03-01 12:23:57 · 9 answers · asked by molly 6

wat happened with one tree hill why didnt they show it last night? r they on break again?

2007-03-01 12:23:41 · 9 answers · asked by jamie 1

if a butcher is 5' 10" what does he weigh??

2007-03-01 12:17:03 · 16 answers · asked by the idiot down the road 4