Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

You have fifty bags, each with approximately one hundred balls inside.You have a weighing machine with a digital readout, with 3 places ofdecimals on the display, calibrated in grams, it is capable of weighing aninfinite amount (but it won't have to).
All of the balls in all of the bags weigh 1 gram, except in one bag in whichall of the balls weigh 1.001 grams.
You cannot tell by look or feel which bag has the heavier balls.

How do you determine which bag contains the heavier balls? You can use theweighing machine only once (which means you can obtain only one reading fromit before it self destructs).

2007-03-01 12:16:42 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

During the lunch hour at school, a group of five boys from Miss Jones home room visited a nearby lunch wagon. one of the five boys took a candy bar without paying for it. When the boys were questioned by the school principal, they made the following statements in respective order:
1. Rex: "Neither Earl nor I did it."

2. Jack: "It was Rex or Abe."

3. Abe: "Both Rex and Jack are lying."

4. Dan: "Abe's statement is not true; one of them is lying and the other is speaking the truth."

5. Earl: "What Dan said is wrong."

When Miss Jones was consulted, she said, "Three of these boys are always truthful, but everything that two of them say will be a lie."Assuming that Miss Jones is correct, can you determine who took the candy bar?

2007-03-01 12:12:53 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Montana cowboy was watching his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answered, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

2007-03-01 11:59:05 · 22 answers · asked by ♥Super_Colts_Fan♥ 2

there was a man who kept falling asleep in church.. and his wife went to the pastor and said "wat should i do" ? and the man gave the woman a pin to poke him wen he falls asleep and so the next day at church the man fell asleep as usal and as he was doing so the pastor was preaching saying "who is your saviour" and the woman poked her sleeping husband and he stood up and said "oww jesus !!" and the pastor said "yes my child u r correct" and as the ceremony went on the man fell asleep again and as so the pastor said "and who is our all and mighty father" and as so the woman poked her sleeping husband and he stood up and said "oh god!!!" and the pastor said " oh yes do u all feel the spirit?" and as the ceremony went on the man fell asleep again and as so the pastor was saying "and wat did eve say wen she gave birth to adam's 100th child?" the woman poked her husband he stood up and said "if u stick that damn thing inside of me again im going to break it and shove it in your butt !!!"

2007-03-01 11:59:03 · 8 answers · asked by Mishy 2

okay, well me and my friend are trying out to me this MC at my schools talent show, the thing is, we have to have acts or jokes that we can say in between acts so the audience doesn't get bored as the other acts set up. so if yall could find me some good an appropriate jokes, id appreciate it.

2007-03-01 11:52:17 · 12 answers · asked by anysportzchik 5

Be serious, this has gotten me in a homework twist which is annoying, im just so lazy since im on my brake. it'd be easier if you just said.

What is a termites favorite breakfast. =)

2007-03-01 11:45:16 · 16 answers · asked by Philosophist 2

they told him, "Anything you say will be held against you."

Johnny said, "Claudia Schiffer's breasts."

2007-03-01 11:41:40 · 11 answers · asked by conan 4

ok so i like love to be random and stuff like today in math it was kinda quiet and i just go "i like rice" lol everybody started to crack up laughing! but ya i need more funny/random things to say! help! "D thanks!

2007-03-01 11:37:13 · 13 answers · asked by Bailey! 1

HA HA

2007-03-01 11:32:28 · 25 answers · asked by aliah m 1

or when you hold your tongue and say "I was born on a pirate ship"

2007-03-01 11:32:17 · 8 answers · asked by mayris 2

There are four man standing in front of a firing-squad. Two of them (nr.1 & 3) wear a black hat and two of them (nr.2 & 4) wear a white hat. They are all facing the same direction and between nr.3 and nr.4 stands a brick wall (see picture). So nr.1 can see nr.2 & 3, nr.2 sees nr.3, nr.3 sees only the wall and nr.4 doesn't see a thing. The men know that there are two white and two black hats.
The commander of the firing-squad is willing to let the men go if one of them can say what color hat he is wearing. The men are not allowed to talk. The only thing they may say is "I'm wearing a white/black hat". If one of the men knows which hat he is wearing he must tell it and all men will be free.
Which man knows 100% sure what color hat he's wearing?

2007-03-01 11:32:05 · 6 answers · asked by balla24n7 2

Given are 12 marbles. One of these marbles is slightly heavier or lighter than the others. You have a two plate scale. You are allowed to weigh three times.
Can you find the marble that differs in weight?

2007-03-01 11:28:01 · 5 answers · asked by balla24n7 2

There are two lengths of rope.
Each one can burn in exactly one hour.
They are not necessarily of the same length or width as each other.
They also are not of uniform width (may be wider in middle than on the end), thus burning half of the rope is not necessarily 1/2 hour.

By burning the ropes, how do you measure exactly 45 minutes worth of time?

2007-03-01 11:27:25 · 6 answers · asked by balla24n7 2

Don't cheat! Because if you did, the test would be no fun.I promise, there are no tricks to the test.
Read the sentence below and count the F's in that sentence.Count them ONLY ONCE. Do not go back and count them again.

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS

2007-03-01 11:25:42 · 33 answers · asked by balla24n7 2

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the
cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber
saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He
told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because
I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still
refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the
robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he
put the scotch in the bag.The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The
cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license.They arrested the robber two hours later.

2007-03-01 11:23:09 · 16 answers · asked by balla24n7 2

Every Tuesday evening a man drives up to visit his wife. On these weekly visits he drops off the clean clothes and picks up the dirty laundry. since the wife changes her underwear each morning, what is the minimum number of underwear she can own?

2007-03-01 11:22:25 · 12 answers · asked by meeeeee 2

Are going fishing. They pick out a boat and arent having any luck.They go out further into the lake and start catching a lot of fish."Wow Jessica! We got to remember this spot for next time" says George."Oh I know! We should make an X at the bottom of the boat to mark our spot"says Jessica. George just looks at Jessica and laughs."Um that would never work."Why not?" says Jessica." Duh " says George " Because what makes you think we'll get the same boat.

2007-03-01 11:20:38 · 14 answers · asked by jeremy&gale 3

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the
birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you telll
if
that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.

He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker
in."

NOW WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE

2007-03-01 11:18:51 · 9 answers · asked by Jim W 4

I found a skeleton in my closet. Turns out it was the blonde girl who was determined to win the "Hide and Seek" contest.

2007-03-01 11:18:08 · 6 answers · asked by Commander 3

I have an english paper I have to write on the use of humor. I would like to gather more jokes/stories before I write this [besides, who doesn't like jokes]. If you have a clever joke, or humorous story to share, please do. Give me clever and wit!

2007-03-01 11:13:36 · 8 answers · asked by stutmanrj 1

In the great village of _____ lives a superhuman hero named _____. Our superhero had this incredible ability to _____. One day, _____. The whole town was worried until _____. In the end, everything turned out well because _____. It pays to have a superhoero live in our village!

2007-03-01 11:11:14 · 13 answers · asked by briana_024 2

A woman was pursued by Nazis in Germany. She wanted to escape by crossing a bridge towards Swiss. It took 5 minutes crossing the bridge, no matter what. There was a guard tower in the middle. A guard came out every three minutes. If he caught someone crossing the bridge from the German side, the person gets shot. If he catches someone from the Swiss side without papers, that person gets sent back to Swiss. How does the woman cross?

2007-03-01 11:10:24 · 7 answers · asked by Eden 4

is there a historical reason behind this or what?

2007-03-01 11:04:36 · 8 answers · asked by Music_Is_Life 1

Your mom is so fat, she make King Kong look like a baby chimp!!
i think its funny, AND YOU DO TOO!!!!!

2007-03-01 11:02:46 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man took his blind date to a carnival. "What would you like to do first?" he asked. "I want to get weighed," She said. So thay ambled over to the weight guesser. The carny guesses 120#s. When she got on the scale it read 117#s, and she won a prize. Next the couple rode the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, the man asked his datewhat she wanted to do next. "I what to get wieghed." She replied. So back to the weight guesser thay went.Since thay had been there before the carny guess currectly and the man lost a dollor. So the couple walk around for awhile, and again the man ask. "So what do you want to do now?" "I Want To Get Weighed!"She responded. By this time the guy figues this girl is a nut job so he took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. "How'd it go?" her roommate asked. She replieds, "Oh Waura, it was Wousy."

2007-03-01 10:47:58 · 11 answers · asked by denny 4

what did he do next

2007-03-01 10:46:25 · 11 answers · asked by anonymous 2

help me out, thx

2007-03-01 10:46:19 · 8 answers · asked by jimmyz755 2

Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the rest of your life!

2007-03-01 10:45:49 · 22 answers · asked by Lovely Witch 25 2

2007-03-01 10:41:08 · 24 answers · asked by anonymous 2

I need some good jokes. Got any?

2007-03-01 10:37:36 · 26 answers · asked by ♥Super_Colts_Fan♥ 2