Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

the White house late one night. A secret service agent pointed out some female panties on his arm. Clinton said, I know they're there, it's a patch, I'm trying to quit.

2007-03-31 08:23:10 · 5 answers · asked by johN p. aka-Hey you. 7

2007-03-31 08:07:41 · 32 answers · asked by clit commander 1

Joke: Exercise
Posted on March 27, 2007 10:00 PM, Filed under Jokes

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000/month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last but not least...

I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

2007-03-31 07:42:13 · 7 answers · asked by love to be loved 1

and said, "I'll never do that for five bucks again!!!!!

2007-03-31 07:39:20 · 9 answers · asked by johN p. aka-Hey you. 7

2007-03-31 06:54:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

a little boy is in the car looking out of the window,
"look, theres a moo moo and a baa baa"
his dad says "we use the correct names for things in this family, its a cow and a sheep"
later his son is reading a book.
"what are you reading son?"
"winnie the s**t"

2007-03-31 06:35:12 · 14 answers · asked by *♥* donna *♥* 7

IM STILL WORKING ON IT! =]

2007-03-31 06:04:33 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Fill in the blanks first and be chosen as the best answer!!!!!!

2007-03-31 05:57:19 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde had grown tired of being made fun of and decided to end it all. She grabbed a rope and headed to a park where there were a lot of trees. An hour later, a man walked by and noticed the blonde hanging from a tree by her waist. "Is there something I can help you with?" the man asked. "No, thank you," groaned the blonde. "I've had it with the world and everyone always making fun of me, so I'm hanging myself." "Well, if you want to do that, you'll have to put the rope around your neck," the man said. "I tried that," sobbed the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe!"

2007-03-31 05:56:04 · 10 answers · asked by ILovePeople 2

she sees an old man struggling to cross the busy road just metres from a zebra crossing. She stops the car and winds the window down and asks the man "why are you trying to cross here when there is a zebra crossing right next to you?" Man replies, "well, I hope he's having more luck than me!"

2007-03-31 05:43:48 · 11 answers · asked by sezzie_24 2

I need some jokes and pranks that I won't get it a lot of trouble for doing and that are actualy believeable and funny for everyone.

2007-03-31 05:36:14 · 6 answers · asked by Small Fry 5

one day timmy had a dream that his grampa died.
timmy: daddy daddy i had a dream that grampa died

daddy:well little timmy, grampa DID die last nite

timmy: oh that sux, im gonna mis him
the nex day

timmy:daddy daddy i had a dream that great ant suzie died!!

daddy: well yur great ant zuzzie did die early this morning

the nex day

timmy: daddy daddy i had a dream that you died.

daddy:no little timmy im still here

mom: oh nooo the milk man died

2007-03-31 04:54:41 · 17 answers · asked by koi 3

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very
rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and
the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the
pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to
live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the
hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but
he felt like he was missing an important part of
himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a
different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need - a new suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44
long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in
the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2
neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How
about some new underwear?"

Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."

The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's
see...size 36."

Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18
years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 32. A
32 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your
spine and give you one hell of a headache."

New suit = $600
New shirt = $36
New underwear = $6
Second opinion PRICELESS.

2007-03-31 03:36:39 · 4 answers · asked by bad_bob_69 7

Please don't take offense to this joke, it has no malicious intent!!

Blokes been drinking at a bar for hours, the barman turns to him and says that he has had too much and should go home.

The bloke creates a big fuss and gets one more drink.

After the last drink he attempts to get off the bar stool, and falls to the floor...... he hauls him self up and moves forward about a meter and falls to the floor again!!!

Luckly the bloke only lives 200m from the pub, however hard the bloke tries ever meter he falls to the ground... hauls himself up.... falls down....

Next morning the blokes wife brings him a cup of tea in bed and exclaims "you cirtainly had a few last night!!"

The bloke protests "No No, I only had a couple"

"Rubish!" Says the wife, "I know you had far to much last night because Larry the barman called.... says you've left your wheel-chair in the bar!!!"

2007-03-30 22:50:29 · 21 answers · asked by Lucky Cat 3

I choose cereal!!

2007-03-30 20:13:19 · 27 answers · asked by Meadow 1

2007-03-30 19:54:51 · 13 answers · asked by Starfish 2

"What does S-I-L-K spell?"
"Silk"
"What do cows drink?"
"Milk"
"Wrong water!"

Does anybody know any more jokes like these where you can trick a person into saying the wrong answer by tricking their brain prior to asking the question? I have heard some jokes along these lines involving what is aluminum foil made out of, what is a green house made of, what do you put in a toaster, you are the bus driver and where does a rooster lay its eggs etc but does anybody know any more of these jokes along these line? Anything would help. Thanks --- Jeff

2007-03-30 17:32:21 · 2 answers · asked by Jeff S 2

what are gooood funnnny car pranks that i can do on my dad!!??
also some wih out ruining hiscar
thanksss =]
also other pranks you can tell me are great like something with the bathroom, Tv, ducks, etc.) =] thanks

2007-03-30 17:14:13 · 4 answers · asked by jen r 1

What are some good April Fools' jokes to play on my friend and co-workers?

2007-03-30 16:54:35 · 4 answers · asked by Pseudonym 5

Give me a star? Ive never had one and id really appreciate it! Plzz

2007-03-30 14:56:46 · 22 answers · asked by heyyall 2

rules
must be credible
no copying
can use lie told before
no racial content, if you must

2007-03-30 13:49:06 · 35 answers · asked by The Chairman Of Jazzy Films 3

Rules
Must be credible
YOu may use a lie you have told before
copying a lie meants instant disquailfication
Refrain from racial content

2007-03-30 13:47:51 · 7 answers · asked by The Chairman Of Jazzy Films 3

Especially if you know any phillipenes racist jokes but it doesn't have to be that.

2007-03-30 13:11:56 · 9 answers · asked by Coolkid81 3

I'm 300 points away from being lvl 3, can you please give me a star if you can be a nice person, please, yahoo answers is about helping each other so can I please get starred!

2007-03-30 13:09:29 · 16 answers · asked by The Chairman Of Jazzy Films 3

Presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards were flying to a convention. Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy." Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy." John added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his
co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 156 million
people very happy."

2007-03-30 12:58:13 · 21 answers · asked by ? 5

when an F/A-18 hornet flys by with full afterburner on. The one eagle tells the other eagle that he'd fly that fast too if he had a flame coming out of his butt.

2007-03-30 12:12:40 · 6 answers · asked by johN p. aka-Hey you. 7

Ooooohhhhhh, this is funny!!!!!
(Make sure you have your speakers on)

This is from a morning radio show- it's an eye
witness' description of a
car accident involving four old ladies and one
very unfortunate man.... lol


Click here:
http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf

2007-03-30 10:56:37 · 4 answers · asked by Guess Who? 5

Thanks!

2007-03-30 10:11:02 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.

This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. He decides to save money and be the hatchet man himself.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!

The CEO, walks up the guy and asks "and how much money do you make a week?"

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $200.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

The guy chuckled and walked out.

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters "Pizza delivery guy".

2007-03-30 10:09:17 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

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2007-03-30 10:07:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous