Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

Ask anyone:

How do you pronounce F-O-L-K?
They will say "folk".

Then ask: And how do you pronounce the white part of an egg?
They will ALWAYS say YOKE.

And you say, No...it's pronounced "egg white"

Never fails. Try it.

2007-03-29 07:17:04 · 18 answers · asked by stefanocurione 2

15 Steps to build a campfire

1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.

2. Bandage left thumb.

3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments.

4. Bandage left foot.

5. Make structure of slivers (including those embedded in hand).

6. Light match

7. Light match

8. Repeat "a scout is cheerful," and light match.

9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of flames.

10. Apply Burn ointment to nose.

11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.

12. Upon discovery that fire has gone out during your absence, soak wood with liquid from can labeled "kerosene."

13. Treat face and arms for second degree burns, and re-label your can to read "gasoline."

14. When fire is burning well, add all remaining wood.

15. When thunderstorm has passed, repeat steps 1 through 14.

2007-03-29 07:12:31 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli. Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your v***** before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.

As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

2007-03-29 06:52:17 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am a 3-dimensional geometric shape.I have 5 faces.Two faces are triangles.The other faces are rectangles.
Can you please tell me the answer and if you do can you tell me how you got the answer? thanks

2007-03-29 06:50:30 · 10 answers · asked by silver 3

so i retorted "Looks like SOMEONE missed 'SMACKtime' !"
(and that shut him up)

2007-03-29 05:06:40 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two elderly men who had known each other for years live too well in to their 90's when one day the older of the two falls gravelly ill.
While visiting his friend in hospital he leans over him and asks"when you reach heaven and if possible could you let me know if they play baseball up there?"sure replies the dying man then sadly passes away.

Well about two weeks later the dead man visits his friend and tells him he has good news and bad news,he says"the good news is that yes they do play baseball"
"what is the bad news"he asks?
"well"his friend replies"your pitching on tuesday."

star if funny

2007-03-29 03:23:27 · 53 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy is in the doctor's office. The doctor walks in after some pretty extensive testing. He looks at the guy and says I'm sorry, but you're going to die. The guy freaks out " OMG!, Doc, How long do I have left?" The doc says 10. Guy: "OMG ten what, ten days, ten months, ten years? What?!" Doc: 9....8....7...

Ok it might not have been that great, but if I at least got a chuckle, that's good enough.

2007-03-29 02:44:52 · 9 answers · asked by tateroola 2

FIVE SECRETCS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP:

1. Its important to have a man who helps at home, cooks, cleans & has a job.

2. Its important to have a man who can make you laugh.

3. Its important to have a man who you can trust.

4. Its important to have a man who is good in bed & likes being with you.


















5. Its very , very , very important that these four bast**ds dont know about each other!!!!

2007-03-29 02:39:07 · 29 answers · asked by smile 2

The dyslexic walked into a bra. It took me awhile to get it but i thought it was funny!

2007-03-29 02:16:35 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-29 01:34:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am tryin to make a book on this, please help, oh and dont put ORANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-29 01:25:05 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

It was last week of December.

a Judge was surprised to find a prisoner charged for Christmas shopping.

He asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.

The Judge was perplexed - “That’s not an offence,”

He continued “How early were you doing this shopping?”

The defendant replied - “Sir, before the store opened.”

Now you know why he was arrested.

2007-03-28 23:08:03 · 14 answers · asked by SAM 2

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction.
I told you so .....And there's nothing you can do about it

2007-03-28 22:55:32 · 14 answers · asked by medi 2

2007-03-28 22:51:48 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the
night with her for $500.

He spends the night with her but before he leaves, he tells her that
he does not have any cash with him,
but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her,
calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that
the whole event was not worth the price.!

So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the
following typed note:

Dear Madam :

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I
rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat; and
3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there
wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for
$250 with the following note:

Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment

to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if
you don't have enough furniture to fill it,
please don't blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present
land lady.

2007-03-28 22:15:20 · 25 answers · asked by Just passing the time! 5

cobra 1: hey pal , are we poisonous?
cobra 2: yes of course!
cobra1: oh no! oh no!
cobra 2: why,something wrong?
cobra 1: i'd just bit my tounge.

2007-03-28 22:03:02 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

This boy is full of laughter. If the answer is yes. You may contact to me at
Sagarrpr000@yahoo.co.in
It might be funny for those persons whose SMILE is very CUTE

2007-03-28 21:59:56 · 3 answers · asked by Ansh 2

Tell me the funniest joke or tit bite you have!!! I will chose a winner! I don't care what you say. Keep it FUNNY!!!!

2007-03-28 21:20:09 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

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I made a VERY LARGE deposit.

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2007-03-28 19:15:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

What kind of sickness that only happens amongst married guys... n of course some of them manage to get away from it and some are trying..

2007-03-28 19:05:14 · 3 answers · asked by middi 2

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.

"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he says."Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"Correct," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You're possibly getting Aids"

2007-03-28 19:04:18 · 3 answers · asked by Dr. Angel Priya 1

Because the people started licking the wrong side!
hahah one more "no offences but m a gal too.. just a joke..."
divorced Couple were contesting for possession of the child. The mother said: "I gave birth to him he's mine" The father said: "I put a coin in the pepsi machine and a can comes out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the machine

2007-03-28 19:00:36 · 6 answers · asked by medi 2

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mind! Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

2007-03-28 18:57:35 · 14 answers · asked by Kerans 1

2007-03-28 18:54:27 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-28 18:46:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who'sthere?
MT
MT who??
MT Wallet

2007-03-28 18:43:18 · 14 answers · asked by Master Ang Gi Guong 6

2007-03-28 18:40:10 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-28 18:28:55 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-28 18:26:42 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"

The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."

2007-03-28 18:17:03 · 12 answers · asked by Eye of the Beholder 4