Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

My best friend just played a funny joke on my other friend(she wrote a note that said IT happened(keep in mind i'm in 8th grade)then said APRIL FOOLS)that I need to beat so please help!!!!!

2007-03-28 13:20:49 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Find the error. It's impossible!

AAA
BBB
CCC
DDD
EEE
FFF
GGG
HHH
III
JJJ
KKK
LLL
MMM
NNN
OOO
PPP
QQQ
RRR
SSS
TTT
UUU
VVV
WWW
XXX
YYY
ZZZ

Did you know that 80% of UCSD students could not find the error above? Repost this with the title "what's wrong here", and when you click "post bulletin", the answer will be really obvious

2007-03-28 13:09:38 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

My sister is having a birthday party (it's a sleepover) that just happens to fall on april fool's day, got any ideas?

2007-03-28 13:08:34 · 5 answers · asked by leftyslap 1

So Jesus is hanging on the cross, all of his disciples are gone. Hiding in Jerusalem is Peter, trying to escape the Roman soldiers. All of a sudden Peter hears "Peter, Peter, it's me Jesus, come here" Instantly Peter tries to run to him but he gets caught by the soldiers, they cut his leg off and take hm to the village saying " If we catch you again you're dead. Hours pass and aain he hears,"Peter, Peter, come to me" Peter immediately tries to hop over to the cross but he's caught again. The soldiers cut of his other leg saying" Is this a joke to you? One more time and you're dead!" They have mercy and throw him back in the village. Hours pass and again he hears, "Peter, you gotta come here, PETER!!" Peter builds up his courage, crawls and sneaks passed the soldiers. Finally reaching Jesus he says " Lord I made it, what is it?" Jesus opens his eyes and says. " I can see your house from here"

2007-03-28 13:03:18 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

What are the best ones that you can come up with, or have done in the past. Don't hold back. I want the funniest and craziest.

2007-03-28 13:02:04 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

In a town election, the winning candidate had 220 more votes than the loser. If 810 votes were cast in all, how many votes did each candidate receive?

2007-03-28 12:58:03 · 14 answers · asked by materialtam 1

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 yrs. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells the wife.

"Listen, this guys an escape artist look at his cloths! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wan't sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you.Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angery, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey, I love you."

The wife says, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be stong honey. I love you too!!"

2007-03-28 12:57:17 · 21 answers · asked by Tammie Tempesta 2

A boyfriend and a girlfriend were driving together and the boyfriend asked, "is everything ok, you've been very quiet." The girl askes him to pull over so he does and she says, "its just that we've been dating for a while and i think that we should see other people." The boy pulls out a note from his pocket and hands it to her. Just then the car was hit by a drunk driver. The girl comes out with barely a scratch and the boy doesn't make it. Remembering the note she takes it out and reads it. It says "WITHOUT YOUR LOVE I DIE"

2007-03-28 12:55:08 · 7 answers · asked by rOxY 3

I will have the answer out tomorrow.

2007-03-28 12:55:02 · 8 answers · asked by mouse b 2

there were three death row prisoners in a prison.
the warden, trying to be nice, gave each of them a choice of one thing to have for 20 years before they die.

The first guy said," i want 20 years worth of alcohol to make me feel happy".

The second guy said, " i want i hot women to keep me company for my final decades.

The third guy said, "i want 20 yrs worth of cigarettes to help me relax".

..........................................................................................................

Twenty yrs later, the warden comes to the first prisoner. He finds him drinking his last bottle and thanking him for it.

He then comes to the second prisoner and finds that both of them are tired as hell, but he had a smile on his face.

Then, when he gets to the third guy, he found the guy crying on the floor and not one cigarrette was touched.

He said, "why haven't you smoked?"

To which the guy replied,

"Because you assholes never gave me a lighter!!"

2007-03-28 12:50:22 · 20 answers · asked by Trust Me 3

There's a dead and naked man lying on the desert holding a straw with no footprints around him.

How did he get there?

2007-03-28 12:48:58 · 22 answers · asked by Andy 2

My friend knows the answer but she won't tell me so I'm going to ask you. When I tell her my answer the first person to get the right answer that she told me gets the best answer spot (worth 10 points)!!! Here is the riddle :


What is the next word in this list?

leave
plateau
remember
day
too

2007-03-28 12:46:30 · 8 answers · asked by baby_xquiste 1

I wanna make my parents,brother,and sister scared,but in a funny way,so I could laugh!Any ideas?Thanx

2007-03-28 12:44:25 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

so he ----- --- --- ---- --- ---- ---- --.

2007-03-28 12:42:35 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat.
After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked
"Why, that's my Speaking Clock" the man replied,
"How does it work?"
"I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer. Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
"For fks sake, you a*se, it's twenty to two in the morning!!"

2007-03-28 12:41:18 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

When you are really good at jokes & riddles and your the life of the party and so on and then you come acrross a joke that you just don't get and you read it over and over again to try and make sense of it? and Then you ask the person who told the joke to please explain and they don't so your just sitting there stumped?
: /

2007-03-28 12:39:03 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

I live in water
If you cut my head off
im at your door
If you cut my tail off
im a fruit
If you cut off both
im with you
WHAT am I?

2007-03-28 12:36:23 · 8 answers · asked by Drop CURVE 1

I need somebody to make me laugh. I'm having a bad day. My bathroom and kitchen sink were cloged up and I had to fix it. My carpet got wet, I just finished cleaning everything. Now I'm in a really bad mood! What about a joke to make me laugh? Are you funny enough?

2007-03-28 12:33:04 · 4 answers · asked by brazilian33 2

please feel free to give me a star if you like it ..that way i can tell wot sort ok jokes you all like on here .................here goes .........
A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad
is reading the paper.

"Where does pooh come from?" she asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is
already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says: "Well
you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the
good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our Bottoms
when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks shocked, and stares at him in stunned silence for
a few seconds and asks: "And Tigger?"

2007-03-28 12:27:44 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sometimes in half, sometimes in whole,
Swear by me at the risk of your soul
You're encouraged to use me, though I may cause some pain,
I'm often ignored if there's something to gain.

10 pts. to 1st right answer with an explanation.

2007-03-28 12:27:36 · 11 answers · asked by balderarrow 5

which would you prefer of them?

2007-03-28 12:23:11 · 15 answers · asked by uknown person here 1

So there's this girl who's cheating on her boyfriend with their next door neighbor. One day the Neighbor comes over unexpected and wants to have sex. The girl tells the guy, they can make out but cant have sex because she on her period. The Neighbor says "okay that's cool" So they go at it. For about an hour, they kiss and fondle each other. All of a sudden the girl hears keys opening the downstairs door, she knows it her boyfriend. Immediately she tells the neighbor to hide in the closet and hide under some clothes, she'll get him later. He does right as the boyfriend enters the room. The Boyfriend says he wants sex so the Girl takes off her pad and opens the closet door and throws it in. Immediately the couple have wild passionate sex. Two weeks later the girl remembers the neighbor. She opens the door and he's still there. She asks him, "How did you survive?" The neighbor says, "I wouldn't have if you didn't throw in that jelly doughnut"

2007-03-28 12:23:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A dustman knocks on a japanese man's door.
The Japanese man says "Harro, what you want?"
Dustman asks "Where's ya bin?"
"I bin on loo" says japanese man.
"No mate, where's ya dustbin?"
"I dust bin on loo" says japanese man.
"No, no mate, where's ya wheelie bin?"
"Hokay, i wheelie bin in loo having a w***k.

2007-03-28 12:22:46 · 12 answers · asked by x SexySian x 4

At a recent computer expo Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."

Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement: " Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
Not only that, but....

Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
Macintosh would make a car that was...(see details below for the rest of joke)

2007-03-28 12:22:42 · 8 answers · asked by ♥Tawnya♥ 4

the sentence below is true.

the sentence above is false.

which one is true?

2007-03-28 12:16:08 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-28 12:14:59 · 6 answers · asked by Sebastian S 1

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50." The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less. In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?

2007-03-28 12:13:25 · 7 answers · asked by Stephanie_ is_ bomb. 3

Jock rolls over and poked mary in the back with his c***k
Mary said "Not tonight Jock,i've got to be fresh down there i have the doctors tomorrow.
Jock takes the huff only to rollback seconds later....

aye but you've no got the dentists tomorrow have you........

2007-03-28 12:11:57 · 15 answers · asked by x SexySian x 4

Please don't report me because this is just plain hilarious! If you have a funnier clip, let me know. Funnier ones get the ten points. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4Y4keqTV6w

2007-03-28 12:11:37 · 6 answers · asked by sherijgriggs 6

ok the clue is;
the one you seek and need, Becomes two before you start
finding your way inside will defiantly play a part

2007-03-28 12:08:26 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous