Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

Once upon a time Tricky was sunbathing in the nude. He saw a (Fidgety) coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
Fidgety came up and asked..."What do you have under that newspaper?"
"A bird," replied Tricky.
Fidgety walked away and Tricky fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the police asked him what happened, he replied "I don't know. I was lying on the beach and this little girl asked me about my privates and the next thing I know I'm in here!
The police went back to the beach and found Fidgety and asked her, "What did you do to that naked guy?"
After a pause, Fidgety replied, "To Tricky?....Nothing!...I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs and set its nest on fire."

Moral of the story.....never lie to kids.

2007-03-28 10:54:59 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

old joke but enjoy

2007-03-28 10:46:21 · 13 answers · asked by will h 1

..asked the nurse, dressing Paddys badly burned ears. "I was in me digs pressing me shoort, to go out, when the phone rang, and didn, t I go and pick up the iron instead of the phone!". "But how did you manage to burn the other ear?", asked the nurse. "I did that phoning for the ambulance!" said Paddy.

2007-03-28 10:43:10 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Fidgety goes to see her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?
The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try on the wedding night when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and tell Tricky it's your virginity snapping.
Fidgety loves this idea and knows her husband-to-be will fall for it. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. Fidgety gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing for the evening and climbs into bed. Things begin to progress, and just at THAT moment she snaps the elastic band.
Tricky yells, "What the hell was that?"
Fidgety explains, "That was my virginity snapping."
Tricky replies...."Well snap it again, it's got my ba**s!!"

(sorry 'Tricky' - it's payback time again)

2007-03-28 10:39:31 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day
while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what
he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work
every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely
stays at home. I want her to know what I go through,
so please allow her body to switch with mine for a
day. Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a
woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed
them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to
school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took
it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a
deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put
away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the
check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed
the dog.

Then it was already 1P.M. and he hurried to make the
beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop
the kitchen floor Ran to the school to pick up the
kids and got into an argument with them on the way
home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids
organized to do their homework, then set up the
ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.


At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing
vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and
snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he
cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded
laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9
P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores
weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected
to make love, which he managed to get through without
complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by
the bed and said: "Lord, I don't know what I was
thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able
to stay home all day. Please, oh! oh! please, let us
trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I
feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy
to change things back to the way they were. You'll
just have to wait nine months, though. You got
pregnant last night."

2007-03-28 10:39:25 · 6 answers · asked by Bluelady... 7

A Man is needed to cross this bidge which takes 10Mins to cross it from one end to other end walking through or running through makes no difference it takes 10Mins.

CONDITIONS..........

1. There is a Guard at the other end who sleeps for Five Minutes and Wakes up the next Five Minutes, and then again sleep the next Fve Minutes and wakes up the next five minutes ..doing this contineously.

2. The Guard , who does not and will not let anyone cross the bridge.

If he sees you crossing it he send you back to the direction you were coming from.

The First Five Minutes when he sleeps you intend to cross the bridge he sends you back the next Five Minutes when he is awaken.

How will the man cross the bridge.

2007-03-28 10:31:00 · 10 answers · asked by Sonu 2

An old woman called Fidgety saved a Fairy's life. To repay this, the Fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes.
For the first wish, Fidgety asked to become young and beautiful.
Poof! She became young and beautiful.
For the second wish, Fidgety asked to be richest woman in the world.
Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.
For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth (Tricky). After all, he had been her best friend for so many years.
Poof! The Fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth (Tricky).
The old lady and the Fairy said their goodbyes.
After the Fairy left, the handsome man (Tricky) strolled over to her and asked, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"

2007-03-28 10:30:29 · 14 answers · asked by trickyrick32 4

Angus Broom of glasgow comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming "Maggie, cud ya be sewn on a wee button that's come off of me fly, I canny button my trousers?"
"Oh Angus...I've got my hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."
About 5 minute later there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling down the stairs!!
Walking back in the door with a blackened eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.
"My God, what in hells name happened tae ya?" Did you ask her like I told ya?"
"Aye" says Angus..."I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did; everythin was goin fine but when she bent doon to bite the wee thread......Mr MacDonald walked in."

2007-03-28 10:26:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Fidgety was lying in bed one night and said to her husband Tricky, "I sure wish I had bigger b**bs."
Tricky responded by saying she should rub toilet paper all over them three times daily.
Fidgety looked atTricky and said "Toilet paper, what will that do?"
Tricky responded, "I don't know, but look what it's done for your *rse."

2007-03-28 10:21:25 · 22 answers · asked by trickyrick32 4

A man was found hanging, and there was a puddle of water underneath, WHAT HAPPENED ( enough information was given), if it busts ur brain feel free to IM me or E-mail me, ill feel free to give the answer. . .

2007-03-28 10:14:30 · 33 answers · asked by Carolinapanthersfan8 2

2007-03-28 10:13:01 · 11 answers · asked by hobble36 2

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They bagged six.
As they started loading the plane for the return trip,the pilot said the
plane could take only four moose.
The two lads objected strongly.
"Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board and
he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
However, even with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load
and went down.
A few moments after, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick,
"Any idea where we are?"
Mick said "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

2007-03-28 10:10:28 · 11 answers · asked by chris w. 7

Rice and beans and drink water for a week

2007-03-28 10:05:30 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

I cdnuol't blveiee taht i cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht i was rdanieg. The pweor of the hmuan mnid, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerder the ltteres in a wrod are. the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rght pclae. the rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. azanmig huh?

2007-03-28 09:51:24 · 45 answers · asked by Tammie Tempesta 2

there was this woman, who baught a new pair of red high heels, when she went to work she died!! what happened?? (hint : it dosent involve a gun)

2007-03-28 09:51:19 · 14 answers · asked by **♥ hOrSeRiDeR4LiFe♥** 2

There are two coins in my pocket that total to the sum of 15 cent, one is not a nickel, what are they?

2007-03-28 09:49:56 · 16 answers · asked by Carolinapanthersfan8 2

2 Irishmen are making letter bombs . Paddy says"Mick do you think i`ve put enough explosives in this envelope ?" Don`t know says Mick open it and see ! But it will explode says Paddy ! Don`t be so f..kin stupid its not addressed to you !!

2007-03-28 09:49:22 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I never drink beer with my dinner nor lunch
I never drink milk or chew meat
Yet no one can knock me down with a punch
Nor wrestle me off my feet
What am I?

2007-03-28 09:45:24 · 21 answers · asked by danny261178 3

A couple realise that they are spending far more than they earn every week so they decide to go through the bills.

'Look at this!!' says the wife - '£16 a week on blo*dy lager!!' That has to go for starters.'

'What about this then?' says the husband - £25 a week on makeup!!'

'But.....but....I need the makeup to make me look young and attractive for you.' explains the wife.

To which the husband shouts... 'THAT'S WHAT THE F****** LAGER WAS FOR!!!'

2007-03-28 09:45:11 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-28 09:41:07 · 8 answers · asked by ntemp01 3

2007-03-28 09:40:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 cowboys & i were sitting around a campfire talking about who is toughest. the first said he was bit by a rattlesnake, so he in turn bit the head off the rattlesnake & drank its poison. the 2nd said a bull had got loose in his hometown & gorged 8 people to death, so he jumped on the bulls back & broke its neck. i wasnt saying much, just stirring the fire & coals with my peni_...

2007-03-28 09:39:31 · 28 answers · asked by intimadatein 3

There was once a dad and his son who went camping.On there way there they got into a big car accident .The ambulance arrived and took them into da hospital .The doctor said that da dad had died and the son didnt but was really injured and in need of surgery.As the doctor came to begin surgery on da kid da doctor sed i cant he is my son.How can dat be???

2007-03-28 09:35:04 · 16 answers · asked by Rose R 1

fidfngpajingpirngioprngpaio

2007-03-28 09:34:29 · 8 answers · asked by skaterdude m 1

No legs have I to dance,
No lungs have I to breathe,
No life have I to live or die
And yet I do all three.
What am I?

2007-03-28 09:32:01 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

You will often see me in the sky
And yet unaided I can`t fly
In open fields I`ll seldom lie
But indoors I`m still so what am I?

There are 2 possible answers to this so I will accept either one.

2007-03-28 09:31:05 · 44 answers · asked by danny261178 3

A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture.

When the son returned, he said, "Papa, I had a great time in Israel.

By the way, I converted to Christianity."

Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"

He took his problem to his best friend. "Ike," he said, "I sent my
son to Israel, and he came home a Christian. What can I do?"

"Funny you should ask," said Ike. "I too, sent my son to Israel,
and he also came home a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi." So they did, and they explained their problem to the rabbi.

"Funny you should ask," said the rabbi.. "I, too, sent my son to
Israel, and he also came home a Christian. What is happening to our young people?"

And so they all prayed, telling God about their sons. As they
finished their prayer, a voice came from the heavens:

"Funny you should ask," said the voice. "I, too, sent my son to
Israel...."

2007-03-28 09:29:08 · 11 answers · asked by Wolfgang92 4

what time is it there?
here its 11:18!

2007-03-28 09:19:01 · 54 answers · asked by Anonymous

am taken from a mine, and shut up in a wooden case, from which I am never released, and yet I am used by almost everybody. What am I?

2007-03-28 09:18:50 · 7 answers · asked by Stephanie_ is_ bomb. 3

2007-03-28 09:18:03 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous