Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

What does LMAO mean,u see im foreign and ive never seen or heard it before

2007-03-28 07:16:28 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is pretty Funny...

Take The Name Of the First Animal You Have Ever Owned, and Then The Name Of the First Street You Ever Lived On.

For me It was: Kee Kee La Denny

Just For Humor Only...

Post Your Responses To Get A Good Laugh! :)

2007-03-28 06:52:41 · 37 answers · asked by TAHOE REALTOR 3

2007-03-28 06:52:26 · 8 answers · asked by Marmar 1

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the
stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave
the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave
birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into
the room in tears.
'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and
this bullet came out,' replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16
years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in
tears. 'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this

bullet came out.'
Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened
16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears.

'It's okay' said the Mom, 'I know what happened. You were
taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.'
'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the
dog.'

2007-03-28 06:44:53 · 15 answers · asked by salima_guriya 1

A very young couple exhibiting signs of extreme nervousness timidly approached the check-in desk of a large Manhattan hotel.
"Good evening, sir," said the official behind the desk, favouring the young man with a perceptive wink. "Suite 16?"
"Oh, no!" the young man responded quickly. "She's eighteen."

2007-03-28 06:42:12 · 10 answers · asked by salima_guriya 1

people say it ALL THE TIME (or should i say type it lol)

2007-03-28 06:38:00 · 12 answers · asked by Cheerup782 3

i prefer it todays way!!

2007-03-28 06:37:17 · 12 answers · asked by will h 1

An Irish woman walked into a small hardware store and told the owner that she needed a new door handle.

He fetched one and asked: "Do you want a screw for that?"

She looked around the store and said: "No, but I'll blow ya for that toaster over there."

2007-03-28 06:32:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Just for fun lol, not to offend the other person but just something both might laugh at :)

2007-03-28 06:32:27 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
"THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.
SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........
WELL, WILL YA LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!!

2007-03-28 06:29:32 · 9 answers · asked by Cheerup782 3

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

2007-03-28 06:29:08 · 11 answers · asked by salima_guriya 1

ADAM: 'God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?'

GOD: 'I wanted to be sure that you'd fall in love with her.'

ADAM: 'But, God, why did you make her so stupid?'

GOD: 'I had to be sure that she'd fall in love with you!'

2007-03-28 06:21:18 · 9 answers · asked by dictator_cool 2

1.What would you do if you saw a cow jump over the moon?

2.What is the most random word?

3.Yo mamma?

4.Do you ever have nightmares of the Hamburger Help?

5. Pencil or Pen?

6. Eat some pie.

7. Do it all again!

2007-03-28 06:17:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

press your luck
lingo
card sharks
super password

2007-03-28 05:58:17 · 22 answers · asked by joelinn1974 3

A blonde is sitting on a plane waiting for it to depart, when a lawyer-looking guy comes and sits next to her. While she is trying to catch some zzz's, the guy next to her leans over and says, 'Do you want to play a game? We'll ask each other questions and if we don't know the answer to each others questions, we'll hand over $5.'

She replies, 'No thank you, I'd like to get some sleep.'

He says back to her, 'O.K. I'll give you $50 (thinking she's a dumb blonde, he'll never have to pay), and you only have to pay $5.' She finally gives in and he asks the first question.

He asks her, 'What is the distance from the Sun to the Earth?' She reaches over into her purse, pulls out $5, and hands it to him.

'Now it's my turn,' she says. 'What is black and white, goes up a hill with three legs and comes back down with four?'

2007-03-28 05:50:53 · 24 answers · asked by dictator_cool 2

They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average pen*s and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

2007-03-28 05:39:52 · 19 answers · asked by prettywoman 6

1. How could a cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay two days
and ride out on Friday?

2. What do lazy dogs do for fun?

3. What kind of stones are never found in the ocean?

4. What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment and
never in a thousand years?

5. What is so fragile even saying its name can break it?

2007-03-28 05:34:19 · 17 answers · asked by Alice 3

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you
bring?"

The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become like "Picasco"

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought
cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."

The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought these!"

The other two were puzzled and asked, "What on earth can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box.. I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating....."

2007-03-28 05:33:06 · 9 answers · asked by Lucky Cat 3

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine".

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

2007-03-28 05:30:40 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-28 05:21:36 · 16 answers · asked by jon S 2

8. What do you mean today's our anniversary?

7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.

6. Ohh, this diamond is way to big!

5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'

4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?

3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.

2. I don't care if it's on sale, 300 pounds is way to much for a designer dress.

1. Hey, pull my finger!

2007-03-28 05:15:24 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Or any other jokes please my daughter is making a joke book for her teacher.
So please let them have no swearing in my daugther don't want to have detention for the rest of her literacy and she loves literacy

2007-03-28 05:05:53 · 15 answers · asked by Because I Said So 7

This time it is 3
u hav to get all 3 rite for 10 points

this is the link
http://3in1.rediffblogs.com

2007-03-28 05:05:44 · 5 answers · asked by lokesh_timpu 2

A traveling salesman has been driving all night. Exhausted, he pulls over to the side of the road in order to get some sleep. Just minutes after he is able to fall asleep, he is awakened by a jogger tapping on his window.

"Do you know what time it is?" the jogger asks.

Fumbling for his watch, the salesman mutters, "It's 9:00 AM." The jogger thanks him and runs off.

Again, just as he has fallen asleep, another jogger wakes him and asks him the time.
"It's 9:30 AM," mutters the salesman after fumbling around for his watch.
Realizing that he may not get any sleep, the salesman has a bright idea. He writes on a peice of paper, "I DON"T KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!!!" and puts it in his window. Satisfied with himself, the salesman again tries to go back to sleep.
Again, just as he falls asleep, a jogger knocks on his window. The salesman looks up, and the jogger, pointing to his watch says, "It's 10:00 AM."

2007-03-28 05:03:31 · 28 answers · asked by helloeveryone 3

Glory doesn't have it nor the sky since time of birth, but God in his wisdom gave it to the earth

2007-03-28 04:52:36 · 10 answers · asked by Troublemaker 1

'Twas the night before Payback and all through the land,
The Taliban are running like rabbits in Afghanistan.
Osama's been praying, he's down on his knees,
He's hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas.

He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and shatter,
But all that he's done is just make us madder.
We haven't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we'll kick your ***, with one heavy boot.

And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you b----rds stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to fear,
You'll soon get the answer if you live to hear.

And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he ain't forgotten the sound of our bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide,
They'll go down in history as the place where you died

2007-03-28 04:39:09 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams - "this is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you...
What the hell did you think I said?

2007-03-28 04:37:15 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

My favorite Tuna Helper (Augratin), Lemon Pepper Bread crumbs, Lemon Pepper Shake and Bake (it was canadian product I found at a local store, once, after a lot of research I was told it was discontinued).
I'm starting to think the manufacturers of these products all hate me! *giggles*
The Funniest Answer WINS :)

2007-03-28 04:23:55 · 11 answers · asked by t_jay_59 3

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole in Mount Joy for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.

His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago.

2007-03-28 04:18:38 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok and to the question now it's your turn to answer my question will you take the blue pill or will you take the red pill and stay in wonderland?

2007-03-28 04:17:09 · 9 answers · asked by Dan b 1