2007-03-28 05:21:36 · 16 answers · asked by jon S 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
2007-03-28 05:23:48 · answer #1 · answered by Annal 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well here is mine
A lawyer married a woman who had
previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that
be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept
telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never
really sure how it was supposed to function, but he
said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything
checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get
the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew
he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able
to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic
process but wanted three years to research, implement,
and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he
thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was
his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice
product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was
talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at
it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did
was......... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed."
2007-03-28 13:29:33 · answer #2 · answered by King of Hearts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(My mother-in-law is the funniest joke of all times.) A Harvard graduate was boasting that he
was the smartest student in his class. A near-by
gardner was listening and decided to test the student. He approached the student and made him a wager that he could not carry back the same load the
gardner could carry. The bragging student accepted
the challenge and then asked the gardner what his
load was. The gardner picked up the wheelbarrow and told the student to 'get in'.
2007-03-28 12:28:49 · answer #3 · answered by Precious Gem 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A guy is hunting in the woods with his buddy. Out of the blue his buddy starts to become ill and falls to the ground. The hunter bends down to inspect his friend and finds that hes not breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. So the hunter pulls out his cell phone and calls 911.
911: 911 is this an emergency?
Hunter: Yes my friend and I were hunting in the woods and he all of a sudden fell over and I think hes dead.
911: Well first things first we have to make sure that your friend is dead.
The 911 operator hears silence on the phone followed by a loud BANG!
Hunter: OK now what?
2007-03-28 13:21:11 · answer #4 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This joke below is absolutely hysterical -- in fact, I got it from a fellow Asker who posted it a few months ago wanting to know if anyone thought it was funny ... you decide now!
_____________________________________
MORRIS AND HIS WIFE, ESTHER WENT TO THE STATE FAIR EVERY YEAR. EVERY YEAR, MORRIS WOULD SAY, "ESTHER, I'D LIKE TO RIDE IN THAT HELICOPTER." ESTHER ALWAYS REPLIED, " I KNOW MORRIS, BUT THAT HELICOPTER RIDE IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS."
A FEW YEARS LATER, ESTHER AND MORRIS WENT TO THE FAIR. MORRIS SAID,ESTHER, I'M 85 YEARS OLD. IF I DON'T RIDE THAT HELICOPTER NOW, I MIGHT NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE." ESTHER REPLIED, "MORRIS, THAT HELICOPTER IS 50 DOLLARS AND $50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS." THE PILOT OVERHEARD THE COUPLE. HE SAID, "FOLKS, I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL. I'LL TAKE THE BOTH OF YOU FOR A RIDE. IF YOU CAN STAY QUIET FOR THE ENTIRE RIDE AND NOT SAY A WORD, I WON'T CHARGE YOU! BUT IF YOU SAY ONE WORD, IT'S 50 DOLLARS." MORRIS AND ESTHER AGREED --- AND UP THEY WENT.THE PILOT DID ALL KINDS OF FANCY MANEUVERS. BUT NOT A WORD WAS HEARD. HE DID HIS DAREDEVIL TRICKS OVER AND OVER AGAIN, BUT STILL NOT A WORD. WHEN THEY LANDED, THE PILOT TURNED TO MORRIS. HE SAID "BY GOLLY, I DID EVERY
EVERYTHING I COULD TO GET YOU TO YELL OUT, BUT YOU DIDN'T. I'M
IMPRESSED!"
MORRIS REPLIED, "WELL, I WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING WHEN ESTHER FELL
OUT,
BUT 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-03-28 13:41:42 · answer #5 · answered by Adios 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Point to the ground and say
"You Dropped You Pocket"
The louder the better reaction
2007-03-28 12:24:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you are the funniest joker and u beter know about joke
2007-03-28 12:25:14 · answer #7 · answered by atulya k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alright you hosers! answer with a real joke.
*AHEM*
Go up to a girl and ask her this. she'll ususally laugh really hard if you act really disgusted.
"whats long and hard and full of seamen?"
when their like "um... your weird" or "I dont want to say...." tell them "UGH! a submarine you Pervert! GROSS! what were YOU thinking of?!?!?!"
2007-03-28 13:17:35 · answer #8 · answered by cj tings 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once a upon a time a blind opossum fell in love with a fart!
hahahahhaa
2007-03-28 12:25:58 · answer #9 · answered by J. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, this is my favorite....
Why do Mermaids wear seashells?
Because B- shells are too small, and D-shells are too big!
I love it, hope you do too ; )
2007-03-28 12:32:36 · answer #10 · answered by Laxer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋