Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

Tell me the funniest, craziest, and most elaborate answer or story and become the winner of 10 points. Let's begin.

2007-03-28 09:17:20 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

if you could build a time machine and go back to one event either in your lifetime or the entire history of earth, what is the one thing you would change and why?

2007-03-28 09:11:21 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

And post the answer....

2007-03-28 09:08:17 · 10 answers · asked by Ari 2

once there were a group of men. one was a mexican , one was arabic one was jewis and the other one was an american one day the mexican heard a voice saying " im going to get you" repeatedly. so the mexican decided to leave. then the next day the arabic man heard the same thing so he left too. the jewis man heard the same thing but he didnt leave in the middle of the night he heard it get louder and he left too. the american man was left all alone. at night he heard " im gonna get you, im gonna get you." he was braver then anybody else. he followed the sound of the voice. he followed the noise to the drawers by the beds. he opened it and he saw a little bo picking his nose. Im gonna get you he said again he was trying to get a booger stuck in his nose.. eww

2007-03-28 09:08:11 · 12 answers · asked by Rose R 1

I'm as small as an ant, as big as a whale. I'll approach like a breeeze, but can come like a gale. By some I get hit, but all have shown fear. I'll dance to the music, though I can't hear. Of names I have many, of names I have one. I'm as slow as a snail, but from me you can't run. What am I?

2007-03-28 09:05:47 · 27 answers · asked by Stephanie_ is_ bomb. 3

At a local bar, three friends, Mr. Green, Mr. Red and Mr. Blue, were having a drink. One man was wearing a red suit; one a green suit; and the other a blue suit. "Have you noticed," said the man the blue suit, "that although our suits have colors corresponding to our names, not one of us is wearing a suit that matches our own names?" Mr. Red looked at the other two and said, "You're absolutely correct." What color suit is each man wearing?

2007-03-28 08:59:20 · 14 answers · asked by Stephanie_ is_ bomb. 3

A donkey and a chicken are out in the field when the donkey falls down a hole, The chicken races over and jumps into the farmers BMW, ties a rope to the front and pulls the donkey out.
Next week they're out in the field and the chicken falls down the hole, he tells the dockey to run over and get the BMW but instead the dockey walks over to the hole, drops his c*ck in, and pulls the chicken out.

Moral of the story, when your hung like a donkey you don't need a BMW to pull a chick.

2007-03-28 08:58:01 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three men are sitting in a row and each wearing a hat from the pool of 5 available hats (2 black, and 3 white).

The man in back can see the hats of the 2 men in front of him; the 2nd man can see the hat of the man in front of him.

No one can see their own hat.

They are to receive $100 if they stand and correctly identify their hat color; they will be fined $200 if they attempt and are wrong.

After a few minutes pass, the man in front, who can’t see any of the hats, stands up and identifies his hat.

What color is his hat? And why?

2007-03-28 08:55:12 · 6 answers · asked by Andy C 2

From James Bond in The Facts of Death:

Romanos the villain: "... A man of your expertise has probably disarmed hundreds of bombs, haven'y you? Surly you can stop a Pershing missile from launching? Do you see this panel? Inside are the launching controls, covered by a thin glass cover that serves as a safeguard...They will go off if that glass cover is broken without following a certain procedure. You must deactivate the alarm system to get to the controls... I've written down a puzzle and its answer will tell you how to disarm the alarm system. As you can see, there is no calculator, paper or instruments anywhere to help you..."

Here was the riddle.

Pythagoras was famous for his theorem that states that in a right triangle, the sum of the squares of the legs is equal to the sqyare of the hupotenuse. The Converse is also true...

Lets say that you have sides of lengths 17, 144 and 163. Does this form an acute, right, or obtuse triangle?

Pull off the red wire if your answer is "Acute."
Pull off the blue wire if your answer is "Right."
Pull off the white wire if your answer is "Obtuse."

You have 2 minutes, good luck.

We all know Bond never dies, so what did Bond do?

2007-03-28 08:49:15 · 12 answers · asked by sprinting_turtle 5

I was thinking of some ideas for april fools to do at my church. What do you guys think about them and do you have any that you would use. First I was thinking about changing out the juice trays with Orange juice. Also changing the bread to goldfish. Might people take this offensive. And what are your ideas.

2007-03-28 08:44:10 · 6 answers · asked by Joe 2

In the dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before
her,
the fortune teller delivered the bad news. "There is no easy way to tell
you this so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your
husband will die a quick, violent and horrible death this year.
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the Tarot cards, the psychic's lined
face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her trembling
hands. She took a few deep breaths to try to compose herself. She simply
had to know.

She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked: "Will I
get away with it???"

2007-03-28 08:42:15 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day a farmer's donkey fell down in a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do, Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off

2007-03-28 08:40:01 · 24 answers · asked by chris w. 7

Hint- How many letters?

2007-03-28 08:39:40 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do myspace layouts work on aim???

2007-03-28 08:35:43 · 4 answers · asked by Kendra 4

2007-03-28 08:34:42 · 9 answers · asked by alex G. 1

How Much, I don't Know.

2007-03-28 08:33:55 · 6 answers · asked by alex G. 1

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success.
Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a
very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating
call of a cow moose.

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then
come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set
themselves up on the edge of a clearing, put on their
costume and began to give the moose love call.

Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing
out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was
close enough, the guy in front said, "OK, let’s get out and get him."

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the
back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"

The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling
grass, but if I were you, I'd brace myself!"

2007-03-28 08:32:19 · 19 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on
it. I said, "Implants?"

I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the
same effect just standing up really fast.

Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one
flea..."

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
easier to live with.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport
the terminal?

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too
many of them get elected.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals
you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...
now THAT'S a message!!

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the
bowling alley.

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am
perfect.

I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones
she's been giving me lately!

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of
consecutive days I've stayed alive.

2007-03-28 08:30:20 · 10 answers · asked by sniffels323 5

This is the first in a series I'll be asking. This one's pretty easy.

Main character walks up to a man and says this:
"Get three coffins ready."
(the character returns to the man later)
"Sorry, four coffins."

2007-03-28 08:27:02 · 9 answers · asked by Dylan 3

2007-03-28 08:20:09 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

lets be fair there has been some sh@te jokes on here lately people are getting points and do not deserve them.
so i am going to put a joke a day on here and b@@@@ to those that dont like them

have you heard that pakistan have given up cricket and taken up

BOB SLAYING

2007-03-28 08:20:07 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-28 08:19:21 · 5 answers · asked by mandaloo_mandi 1

2007-03-28 08:13:41 · 14 answers · asked by bob b 1

2007-03-28 08:12:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts
rubbing his wife 's arm.
The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he
rolls back over and taps his wife again.
Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

2007-03-28 08:00:36 · 22 answers · asked by jeremy 1

3 people were in the desert one had a car door, the other had some sun glases and the third had a coat. A gentel man passed by so he asked the one with the car door why are u holding a car door in your hand? he said so that I open it wen I feel hot 'lol'. Then he asked the man with the sun glases why have u got sun glases with you? So that I can put them on at night, cos the stars are really bright then. So he asked the one with the coat why have u got this coat on? He said cos know it rains once a year in the desert.
LoL. Question is do u find that funny? plz don't answer any idiotic answers.

2007-03-28 07:52:00 · 13 answers · asked by red rose 3

He Found her quite good hahahahahahahaha

2007-03-28 07:49:13 · 11 answers · asked by frankyrulez 2

2007-03-28 07:48:59 · 4 answers · asked by mandaloo_mandi 1

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects
are actually either male or female. Here are some examples :



FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.


PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.


TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.


HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.


SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.


WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.


TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.


EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.


HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.


THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

2007-03-28 07:37:45 · 36 answers · asked by Honeybee 6

Why does the goldfish smell like pie?




There is an answer to this. No one will probably get it right.













Hint: Chicken



[no I am not giving you much to work with. and because none of you will probably get it right, whoever has the funniest wins. unless someone is really right...]

2007-03-28 07:25:42 · 14 answers · asked by ::l.u.v.:l.u.v.:: 2