Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

ok just a little crazy in me talking out. ok how do we know that the world is real how do we know its just not all in are head? if i was to hit you i wouldent know if you felt it or not...we could not all be here just you and we all just be your brain makeing us up to keep your crazy self sane...but the qustion is whats the qustion? later guys

2007-03-01 04:44:09 · 7 answers · asked by seth williams! 2

2007-03-01 04:42:51 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man with a seriously mis-shapen head stood drinking in a bar in Johannesburg. A youngster nearby started laughing and pointing.
"Don't you DARE make fun of that man", said the barman. "He is a national hero. In a pit disaster, he stood there alone for 4 hours with a wooden beam balanced on his head, supporting the collapsing roof, while another 34 miners were rescued."
"Wow" says the youngster, "that's really impressive. But that explains his flat head. What about those cauliflower ears?"
"Oh, that's where they hammered him in."

2007-03-01 04:34:09 · 9 answers · asked by Bunts 6

What is more powerful than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich want it, and if you eat it, you will die?

2007-03-01 04:30:12 · 10 answers · asked by Miss Know-it-All 2

spread out on the sofa with her Soloman Grundies round her ankles and a big smile on her face. Should I be worried?

2007-03-01 04:27:29 · 20 answers · asked by iain xx 4

Play the detective - solve this murder mystery :
A man was found murdered one Sunday morning.

His wife immediately called the police.

The police questioned the wife and staff and was given these alibis:


The Wife said she was in bed reading a book.
The Cook claimed she cooking breakfast.
The Gardener claimed he was planting seeds.
The Maid claimed she was getting the mail.
The Butler claimed he polishing the silver.

The police instantly arrested the murdered. Who did it and how did they know?

2007-03-01 04:23:16 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-01 04:15:10 · 23 answers · asked by colin050659 6

He was charged for kiddie fiddling!

2007-03-01 04:12:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

i turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champagne bubble.
If you squeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?


97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the riddle?

By the way...i have no clue, so if you know the answer, you get 10 points...k?

2007-03-01 04:09:54 · 3 answers · asked by kissamoose217 3

What is green, has one leg, and has its heart on its head?

2007-03-01 04:07:18 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A prosecuting attorney in Barbados called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Ms. Jones, do you know me?
"She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Ms. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney was also surprised and shocked.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence and called both
counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If
either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for
contempt!"

2007-03-01 03:59:01 · 12 answers · asked by bootygirl 2

Your wheelie bin is empty and your dog is pregnant....

2007-03-01 03:58:28 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay here it is.

There are three words that hold great meaning, if you change the language three words become two. But you should never say these words unless you really mean them.

2007-03-01 03:53:48 · 9 answers · asked by Remnant 2

Picture three boxes containing fruit. The first box is marked peaches, the second is marked oranges, and the third box is marked peaches and oranges. Each of the boxes is labeled incorrectly. How could you label each box correctly if you were allowed to select only one fruit from one of the boxes?

2007-03-01 03:47:41 · 11 answers · asked by Ryne's proud mommy 4

wut shud i do

2007-03-01 03:45:21 · 18 answers · asked by proudamericangal 1

2007-03-01 03:44:36 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-01 03:39:55 · 3 answers · asked by proudamericangal 1

What is it that you cannot hold even for ten minutes, even though it is lighter than a feather?

2007-03-01 03:36:56 · 11 answers · asked by Lolipop 2

2007-03-01 03:31:09 · 6 answers · asked by proudamericangal 1

THERE WAS THIS MAN AND HIS WIFE, ADURING ABOUT WHO RAN THE HOUSE. WELL THEY AGREED TO DISAGREE AND THEN A FEW DAYS LATER THE MAN WALKS UP TO HIS WIFE AND HANDS HER APAIR OF HIS PANTS AND SAYS HER HUNNY TRY THESE ON AND SHE PUTS THEM ON AND SHE BABY YOUR PANTS ARE TO BIG I CAN WERE YOU PANTS. HE SAID YEAH THATS RIGHT I WEAR THE PANTS IN THIS HOUSE. WELL THE WOMEN WALKS OFF AND COMES BACK AND HAND HER HUSBAND A PAIR OF HER PANTS AND SAYS HER HONEY PUT THESE ON SO THE MAN TRIED TO PUT THEM ON AND GOT THEM TO HIS KNEES AND SAID HONEY I CANT GET IN TO YOUR PANTS. SHE SAID YEAH AND IF YOU KEEP THAT ADDITUDE YOU WONT GET IN THEM EVER AGAIN!!!

2007-03-01 03:21:38 · 9 answers · asked by slick_chik316 3

2007-03-01 03:21:25 · 14 answers · asked by gone 7

Once uppon a time there was a bunny walking on the street.
Suddenly the fox appeard and say's
I dont like your hat
and starts beating the bunny.
This happened during 6 months, and the fox was allways beating the bunny cause she didnt like his hat.
Tired of beating the bunny cause of the hat she went to ask the owl a reason to beat the bunny. the owl say's
Ask him for a cigar. If he gives you a light cigar you beat him cause you wanted a regular one, if he gives you a regular one you beat him cause you wanted a light one.

So the fox went, and she saw the bunny.

Give me a cigar-the fox say's
Do you want a light one or a regular? - say's the bunny

I dont like your hat!


Worth of a star?

2007-03-01 03:18:15 · 21 answers · asked by pervertidamente 2

A blonde was sitting in a bar having a drink. The local news was on the television. A man was preparing to jump off the Golden gate bridge.
Blonde: "I don't think he's gonna jump.
Bartender: Ya, he's gonna jump.
Blonde: No, I really don't think he will
Bartender: Yep he will
Blonde: I'll bet you a hundred bucks he won't jump
Bartender: Okay you're on.
A few minutes later the man jumps. And the bartender takes the 100 bucks.
Several minutes go by.
Bartender: Here take your money, I can't rightfully take it.
Blonde: Sure you can, you won it fair and square.
Bartender: Not really, I saw that on the 6 o,clock news, I already knew he was gonna jump
Blonde: So, I saw the 6 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would be dumb enough to do it again!

2007-03-01 03:17:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was found murdered one Sunday morning.
His wife immediately called the police.
The police questioned the wife and staff and were given these alibis:

The Wife said she was in bed reading a book.
The Cook claimed she was cooking breakfast.
The Gardener claimed he was planting some seeds.
The Maid claimed she was getting the mail.
The Butler claimed he was polishing the silverware.

The police instantly arrested the murderer. Who did it and how did they know?

2007-03-01 03:16:28 · 11 answers · asked by Lolipop 2

theres this man and this women. right well they had been married for 10 years. well one day they were haveing sex and the wife said baby why do we always have to have the light off. (leaned over and cut the light on) she looked down and had a dildo and said why do u have a dildo. YOU HAVE SOME EXSPAINING TO DO. he looked at her and he said NO YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN THOUGHS KIDS IN THERE!!!!!

2007-03-01 03:15:58 · 7 answers · asked by slick_chik316 3

2007-03-01 03:10:46 · 17 answers · asked by Lolipop 2

It is soft and gelatinous - its consistency is something between jelly and cooked pasta.. can you guess what it is??

2007-03-01 03:07:14 · 9 answers · asked by gone 7

2007-03-01 03:06:50 · 13 answers · asked by Lolipop 2

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser".

"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.

2007-03-01 03:02:59 · 20 answers · asked by Jay A 3

I am the center of gravity, hold a capital situation in Vienna, and as I am foremost in every victory, am allowed by all to be invaluable. Though I am invisible, I am clearly seen in the midst of a river. I could name three who are in love with me and have three associates in vice. It is vain that you seek me for I have long been in heaven yet even now lie embalmed in the grave. What am I?

2007-03-01 02:56:32 · 16 answers · asked by Sabres Fan 4