Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

It is that time again,and you know what thats mean.Yes,I need a prank to pull on about oh maybe 30 guys,it is the 7th and 8th grade guys in my small school.Anyways they say they have the best prank ever,and so we need one.We are not that creative and need some help here.

I need pranks that do no cause damage to the school itself,and pranks thats do not entirely harm the guys.Anything will help.Ideas or any suggestions would be great!!

THANKS SO MUCH!!!

2007-03-27 11:47:59 · 7 answers · asked by ashley92513 2

be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little Johhny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

2007-03-27 11:47:44 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-27 11:45:55 · 17 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

So there's a princess and a Queen living in a castle.

The Princess has a pet lion.

The Princess drops an important document in a room and LOCKS the door behind her to prevent the lion from getting in an destroying the documents.

Later, the Queen opens the door and forgets to relock it.

The Lion gets in an rips up the documents.

Who is to blame? aka who should clean up this mess

(Can't blame the lion, he didn't no better. Don't say blame no one becuz u must pick lol. And also, the room is a room MADE for dropping important documents.)

2007-03-27 11:45:42 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-27 11:44:11 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Try to think of the best riddle that you have ever heard! I already know the "whats greater than god.." so try to be original!

ill give 10 points to the best one that i cant solve.

please and thank you.

2007-03-27 11:44:08 · 3 answers · asked by m. 4

Some Hippy told me there was a space man!

2007-03-27 11:41:25 · 7 answers · asked by jabelite 3

2007-03-27 11:39:07 · 7 answers · asked by Ely 2

2007-03-27 11:37:22 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food."
The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

2007-03-27 11:36:44 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

I heard a comedian ask this and its still a good 1

2007-03-27 11:34:31 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-27 11:31:49 · 25 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

i dont :/

2007-03-27 11:28:17 · 13 answers · asked by GleN 6

There once was a boy named Philip. His mother liked to feed him lots of pies. He became a chubby little boy. But one day, he was walking outside (talking to a mouse......) when he fell into a hole.............................................................................

2007-03-27 11:25:52 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Poor Mildred



Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death.



Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.



Not wanting to miss the vital organ and end up becoming a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn of her hearts exact location.



"Since you are a woman", the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?"



She hung up without answering.



Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

2007-03-27 11:22:45 · 22 answers · asked by raybbies 5

I want to learn how to become a stage pickpocket. Not the one's who steal, don't worry, but seeing the art on television I want to learn how to do such things for the heck of it.

2007-03-27 11:22:43 · 2 answers · asked by libreoflove 1

2007-03-27 11:21:22 · 12 answers · asked by kaye j 3

A 70yr old man went to the Doctor to get a sp*rm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day the old man reappears at the doc's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and as empty as on the previous day. The Doc asked what happened and the man explained.
"Well Doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing! Then I tried with my left hand,but still nothing!Then I asked my wife for help.She tried with her right hand; nothing!Then her left, nothing! She even tried with her mouth; first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out and still nothing! We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too - NOTHING!!"
The Doc was shocked. "You asked your neighbour?!!"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the damn jar open!"

2007-03-27 11:21:20 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was in the supermarket checkout line buying a large bag of Pedigree Chum Dry Dog Mix, when this woman behind me said, "Oh do you have a dog?"

I had been having a bad day, so I was going to reply with a sarcastic "No..." But then I had a better idea. I said to the woman, "Well actually no, I've decided to go back on the Pedigree Chum diet."

"Really?" was her surprised reply.

"Yeah, I was doubtful about starting it again though, because the last time I ended up in hospital in the intensive care unit for 6 weeks."

"Oh my! You ended up in hospital?"

"Yeah, but I managed to lose 2 stone in 3 months on the diet, so decided it would be worth it because I've started to pile on the pounds again."

By now a man behind the woman in the queue was also listening intently. "So, how exactly does it work?" he asked.

"Well," I replied, "you just take a handful of the dry mix and keep it in your pocket for whenever you feel hungry."

2007-03-27 11:15:22 · 5 answers · asked by kangaroo 4

Three men aged 20, 40 and 60 were sitting at the bar disscussing how often they made love to their wives.

The 20 yr old bragged "we do it four or five times a week."

The 60 yr old never said a word but just just sat there smiling.

The 40yr old said "well we do it four or five times a month."

Again the 60 yr old never said a word but just just sat there smiling.

After a while the younger two men asked the 60 yr old
"Well, how often do you and your wife make love?"

"Once a year" He replied with the biggest grin ever

"Only once a year! How comes you look so happy about it"
The younger two men asked

"Tonight's the Night"

2007-03-27 11:12:14 · 25 answers · asked by jabelite 3

A bloke catches a sexy lady giving him the eye in the supermarket.
"Do I know you?" He says
"Aren't you the father of one of my children?" she asks
The man quickly thinks back to the only time he was unfaithful to his missus & asks "Were you the h00ker I s*@$*ed over the pool table @ my stag do whilst your mate s_p_@_n_k_e_d me with a piece of celery??"
"No." She replies, somewhat alrmed at the mans response "I'm your daughters teacher"

2007-03-27 11:10:09 · 17 answers · asked by Jay A 3

2007-03-27 11:07:30 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a priest, a teacher, and a g-i joe on a plane. they all dropped something. the priest dropped a bible, the teacher dropped a apple, and the g-i joe dropped a bomb. They all jumped out of the plane. When the priest landed he walked up to a little boy who was crying and asked, "little boy why are you crying?" The boy answers, "I was walking and a bible landed on my head." The teacher was the next person to land. When she got to the ground she walk up to a little girl and asked, " Little girl why are you crying?" The little girl answers, " I was sitting here and an apple landed on my head." The G-i joe was the last one to land. He walked up to an old lady and said, " Little old lady why are you laughing?" She said, " I was standing here and when I farted the house behind me blew up!"

2007-03-27 11:05:40 · 11 answers · asked by Anna K 1

2007-03-27 11:05:27 · 4 answers · asked by hunter 3

An English teacher reminds her class of tomorrows final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up - except for serious injury, illness or death in the student's immediate family.

Tricky, a smart-ars* guy at the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sex*al exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stiffle their laughter and snickering. When order is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at Tricky, shakes her head and sweetly says, "In that case Tricky, you'll have to show up anyway...you can write with your other hand." ;)

2007-03-27 11:04:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

what r some good brain teasrers

2007-03-27 11:03:42 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Company Policy:

Effective from January 2007

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

2007-03-27 11:01:42 · 11 answers · asked by kangaroo 4

You spin me right round,
Then turn me on,
Fiddle with my buttons,
But for your satisfaction

2007-03-27 10:58:53 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Clog the toilet at your crush's house or use a toothbrush that fell in a clogged toilet?

2007-03-27 10:57:15 · 9 answers · asked by Trisha 4

A 6 year old walks into the kitchen where his mum is preparing a meal and says, "Mum, the last few nights I have woken up to this thumping noise coming out of your bedroom and when I looked to see what it was, you're sitting on top of daddy and bouncing up and down...Why are you doing that?"

The startled mother recovers quickly and she says, "your dad is a little overweight and I'm trying to get him back to normal size. I bounce on him to get all the air out of him."

The little kid just shakes his head and says, "mum you're wasting your time because, once a week, that nice-looking lady next door comes over and blows daddy right back up."

2007-03-27 10:56:38 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous