Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

First answer if right wins 10 points!

2007-03-27 12:40:02 · 5 answers · asked by robertotk 2

*♥*♥*♥*

2007-03-27 12:34:26 · 42 answers · asked by =) 3

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.

The results showed a reading of 0.0.

The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

2007-03-27 12:33:17 · 23 answers · asked by trickyrick32 4

... she was a great looking 49 year old and he was smitten as she nuzzled into his neck. After a few drinks, she asked him if he had ever enjoyed a 'mother and daughter twosome scenario'.
"Why hell NO" he yelled, getting quite hot about the prospect.
"Well ... my boy" she said ..."you are in for a treat tonight ...."
She took him back to her place and on entering the front door, she yelled up the stairs ..."Mum .. you still up???"

2007-03-27 12:30:13 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man with a square head, sitting on a square stool sits in a square room. The room has a window on each wall, all facing south. A bear walks past a window.

What color is the bear?

2007-03-27 12:27:49 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

The pilot says, "There are four of us, and only three parachutes, and since I'm the pilot, I get one,", grabs one and jumps out.

The co-pilot says, "I haven't found God yet. I can't die," and he grabs a parachute, and jumps out.

Rosie says, "Millions need me for my show.", grabs the last parachute, and jumps out.

Then Trump grabbed a parachute, jumped out and thought, "If I dive fast enough, I can grab my backpack back from Rosie."

2007-03-27 12:27:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-27 12:25:31 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two women friends are out for a Girls Night Out, and had been over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you"

2007-03-27 12:25:15 · 2 answers · asked by trickyrick32 4

In days of old all the good knights were leaving for town on a crusade. One of the noblest knights told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible tragedy if no man could have her should something happen to me. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt and should I not return tfrom the Crusade, be sure she marries another.
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching. Thinking it might be an important message from the town, the column of knights halted.
A horseman approached....it was the knight's friend. He was yelling, "Wait, "Wait!! - you gave me the wrong key!"

2007-03-27 12:24:42 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A police car, an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail truck all pull up to a four way stop at the same time trying to make a left hand turn. Who gets to go first?

2007-03-27 12:21:47 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Poor Mildred



Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death.



Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.



Not wanting to miss the vital organ and end up becoming a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn of her hearts exact location.



"Since you are a woman", the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?"



She hung up without answering.



Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her foot.

2007-03-27 12:15:59 · 22 answers · asked by raybbies 5

26=L _ _ _ _ _ _ in the A _ _ _ _ _ _ _

2007-03-27 12:13:37 · 7 answers · asked by robertotk 2

Tricky and his wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when Tricky looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!!"
He backed her up against the bathroom door, ripped off her snickers :) and gave her one there and then. When he finished he started putting his clothes on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door....
"What's wrong? Didn't you c*me? Do you want more?" he asked.
His wife said, "No, no, Tricky, it's not that...I'm just trying to get the door knob out of my ar*e.*

2007-03-27 12:12:35 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Heih Sahna, mi reely hiked ur female, couse new mi kan iknor seling ntirlee. tanks
da ol guay n da wite kar

[[i know that the last sentence says the old guy in the white car]]
[[The 2nd word is Shana... thats my name]]

2007-03-27 12:12:34 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-27 12:11:00 · 7 answers · asked by sipppihercoldsaursasaurus 1

It doesnt matter if its blonde or offensive or anything else

2007-03-27 12:08:37 · 10 answers · asked by heyyall 2

You are driving down the street in your car and travelling at 5 miles per hour, infront of you is an elephant travelling at 5 miles per hour, the same with the firetruck at the right hand side of your car, and the same with a horse at the back of your car, and there is a limozine on the left hand side of your car, how do you get out? WITHOUT RUNNING ANYTHING OVER!

2007-03-27 12:07:41 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

An ederly man is waiting for his wife to come to bed. While he is waiting, she decides to add a little spice into there 50 year marriage. She gets completely nak ed and throws on her robe, for a little flying adventure. She comes out of the room at top speed, rips off her robe and yells, SUPER P*SSY!!! The man looks at her and says "I'll have the soup!"

2007-03-27 12:06:58 · 16 answers · asked by trickyrick32 4

2007-03-27 12:06:41 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

For the last few years I have managed to catch out my partner, with the help & colusion of our son (now aged 12) & sometimes my older son ( a lot older, but not often contactable). We've done fake parking tickets, rats/mice in the wardrobes etc & I want something NOT dangerous, spiteful or elaborate, just funny but believable at the time.

2007-03-27 12:06:28 · 5 answers · asked by funnygirl 4

this guy is extremly offensive, and calls himself randolf hitler and writes extremly offensive comments. Do you know about him? if you see any of his answers they will undoubtedly be rude and racist and please report him, it is for the good of this community

2007-03-27 12:04:04 · 10 answers · asked by The Chairman Of Jazzy Films 3

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the auctioneer guy wants to buy Mom."

2007-03-27 12:02:37 · 3 answers · asked by trickyrick32 4

OPENED IT! DUN... DUN.... DUN....
TO NIGHT AT 11:11 THE PERSON U LIKE WILL REALIZE THAT THEY LOVE YOU! BUT IF U DONT REPOST THIS THEN
THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE WILL DIE

GIRLS REPOST AS
"i'm wearing a ________."

☺White Bra- Just Taken
☺Green Bra - Taken And Loving Every Single Moment Of It
☺Pink Bra- Single & your heart is taken by somone very special
☺Blue Bra- Single And Hating It
☺RED Bra- Just Single and HAPPY
☺Black Bra- Your A fighting Ninja
☺Brown Bra- You like Somone And They Like You Back But Arent Going Out, Yet
☺Orange Bra- Your confused and waiting 4 that special some one
☺Gray Bra - single, like someone but dont know if they like you
☺Purple Bra- Single and REALLY like someone


BOYS REPOST AS
"i gave her a ________."

2007-03-27 11:59:45 · 8 answers · asked by =] 1

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets to heaven everyone is naked and everyone takes the form of what they would look like if they were twenty one. The man immidiately spots adam and eve, with out asking them or anone else, how does he know it is them?

2007-03-27 11:59:16 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Did you hear they've just invented a new chocolate bra?

It comes with a free pair of snickers

2007-03-27 11:58:31 · 17 answers · asked by trickyrick32 4

10 points for the first correct answer.

2007-03-27 11:58:12 · 4 answers · asked by sniffels323 5

who tried to smuggle 200 pounds of cocaine in her bra? The cops said it was the largest bust they had ever seen.

2007-03-27 11:52:29 · 11 answers · asked by johN p. aka-Hey you. 7

I am going on a retreat!What pranks should I try to oull and what do I need to pull it off?

2007-03-27 11:51:55 · 13 answers · asked by tinkerbellrox29 1

2007-03-27 11:51:02 · 5 answers · asked by jay e 1

What is greater than God,
more evil than the devil,
the poor have it,
the rich need it,
and if you eat it, you'll die?

2007-03-27 11:50:02 · 23 answers · asked by Janis C 1