Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

What did bambi say to the ghost????

first correct answer receives 10 points

2007-03-27 13:45:11 · 8 answers · asked by boonoora 4

Any joke. Make me laugh!

2007-03-27 13:38:40 · 12 answers · asked by CherryCherry 5

During a heated arguement over finances, the hubby shouted.
"Well if you learned to cook and were willing to clean this place, We could fire the maid."
The Wife, now fumming, shouts back, "Oh Yeah??? Well, If you'd learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur and the gardener."

2007-03-27 13:38:29 · 17 answers · asked by raybbies 5

There was a lady that was on a plane on her way back from San Jose in California. The man next to her on the plane said, "So where did you go?" and the lady said, "San Jose." But she pronounced Jose with a J. The man replied, "Ma'am, in California they pronounce the J as an H." Then he said, "So how long were you there?" She said,"All of Hune and half of Huly."

2007-03-27 13:36:44 · 20 answers · asked by Thyiade-Elf of Flaming Torches 1

If I could go, I would like to see Rome (the Colosseum) and Florence. But what if I knocked on her door and Florence wasn't home?

2007-03-27 13:35:41 · 22 answers · asked by Lone Ranger 2

its not really a question..........

if a plane crashes between u.s.a and canada where are the survivors burried???


ok, so its probably an easy answer but your suppose to tell someone it really fast

2007-03-27 13:26:14 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar.
"Oh my god its Hasselhoff", shouts the bartender.
"Hey, call me Hoff", he replies, to which the bartender says-
"Sure Hoff, no hassle!!"

2007-03-27 13:24:44 · 17 answers · asked by Mojo 1

A blonde is out for a walk. She comes to a river and see's another blonde on the opposite side of the river.

"Yoohoo." she shouts." How do I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river then shouts back.

"You Are On The Other Side!"

2007-03-27 13:15:59 · 18 answers · asked by raybbies 5

I will post the answer as soon as 8 people gives up ^.^. So mark me for the answer lol!

2007-03-27 13:15:31 · 11 answers · asked by *fallenangel* 3

Eleven women were clinging to a wildly swinging rope, suspended from an outcropping on Mount Everest.
Ten were blonde, and one was a Brunette. As a group they decided that one woman should let go, or the rope would break. There was an agonising pause, no one volunteered.
Finally the Brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice her life,to save the others.

The Blondes all Applauded.

2007-03-27 13:05:04 · 17 answers · asked by raybbies 5

A woman shoots her husband.
Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.
Finally, she hangs him.
But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?

2007-03-27 13:03:09 · 33 answers · asked by MAC29 1

clue 1: no numbers are repeated
clue 2: there is a 7 somewhere in the number

__ __ __ __ __ ----try and guess my number!!

2007-03-27 13:01:51 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-27 13:01:09 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-27 12:58:27 · 8 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid" , said the woman. The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house. The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" The maid replied, "he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife." The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with." The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?" The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here." A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?"

2007-03-27 12:58:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

not like pepito or any of those...jokes that deal with the Mexican race

2007-03-27 12:57:57 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Find the exact answer.

Hint: it is between 1/2 and 2/3.

give the number in fraction form.

2007-03-27 12:56:28 · 2 answers · asked by Smiley 3

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she took him aside after class one day. "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?" "I'm in love," replied Little Johnny. Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "With whom?" "With you!" he said. "But Little Johnny," said the teacher gently, "don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," said Little Johnny reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"

2007-03-27 12:56:27 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-27 12:56:10 · 18 answers · asked by TheJesterTwist 4

there is a man and a box he opens the box and falls over and cant move if u know whats in the box u know who the man is (visa versa)

2007-03-27 12:54:22 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A turkey was chatting to a bull:
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," replied the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull, "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after earing some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of this story....Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. ;)

2007-03-27 12:53:01 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. What do you get when you feed a cow toast before milking her?

2. What does Mother Earth use to catch fish?

3. What do Whales chew?

2007-03-27 12:52:41 · 17 answers · asked by Please Help! 1

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact. "Mary... Mary..." Awestruck, Mary responds, "Is that you Fred?" "Yes, I have come back like we agreed." "Well, what is it like?" Fred excitedly tells his tale, "Well, when I get up in the morning I have s**, then I have breakfast, then I have s** again, then I bathe in the sun, then I have s** twice more, then I have lunch, then I have s** all afternoon and into the early evening, until bedtime. And, then, I start all over again the next day." So happy Mary says, "Oh Fred, you surely must be in heaven." Fred replies, "Hell no, Mary, I'm a rabbit in Kansas."

2007-03-27 12:50:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

my favorite is:

when chuck norris jumps in water, he doesnt get wet. the water gets chuck norrised

2007-03-27 12:49:48 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."

Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" asked Joanne.

"Because, he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong box."

2007-03-27 12:49:02 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper. "Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?" "Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's bottom. It's $1.50 per roll."

He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll." Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."

"Give me the No Name," she says. She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne." "Why?" he asks. "Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap from anybody!"

2007-03-27 12:47:11 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.

After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks. The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."

So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too."

2007-03-27 12:44:53 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-27 12:43:30 · 3 answers · asked by xifoundaway 3

Miss Annabell had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound. "You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City," says Miss Annabell. "They have men there who kiss other men on the lips."

Miss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my! Oh my!"

"They call them homosexuals," proclaims Miss Annabell.

"Oh my! Oh my," proclaim the girls as they fan themselves.

"They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!"

"Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls. "What do they call them?" they ask.

"They call them lesbians," says Miss Annabell.

"They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City," sighs Miss Annabell.

"Oh my! Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls as the sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster. "What do they call them?" they ask in unison. Miss Annabell leans forward and says in a hush, "Why when I caught my breath, I called him Precious."

2007-03-27 12:42:36 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Samwise Gamgee is 3ft tall. He is fighting off the giant Shelob. He is 10 ft away from the beast as his glowing sword casts a 5ft shadow. How tall is Shelob???

What is the answer and how did you get it?

2007-03-27 12:42:34 · 2 answers · asked by lorrnae 3