Company Policy:
Effective from January 2007
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
2007-03-27 11:01:42 · 11 answers · asked by kangaroo 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
2007-03-27 11:02:22 · update #1
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
2007-03-27 11:02:47 · update #2
When did you find time to write this? You are slacking off aren't you - back to work!!!
Management.
2007-03-27 11:09:28 · answer #1 · answered by Rickey W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I use to work there and the part regarding restroom time, well lets just say they weren't kidding. HAHA lol
2007-03-27 11:08:59 · answer #2 · answered by re_nec_ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
like the part about people smiling in the pictures i can see people i know doing that
2007-03-27 11:07:52 · answer #3 · answered by Smartest Man Alive 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I loved this joke its very funny, at first I thought you had copied my works contract!!
2007-03-27 11:08:48 · answer #4 · answered by helen b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Long but funny and good. 10!
2007-03-27 13:26:42 · answer #5 · answered by cats 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol very good-hope none of my bosses see it or they'll try put it into action!!
2007-03-27 11:05:53 · answer #6 · answered by angela n 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that would suck to work there.
sounds like my old job come to think of it.
2007-03-27 11:05:58 · answer #7 · answered by urmomrulez 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well done, loved it, it could be true.
2007-03-27 11:07:53 · answer #8 · answered by newciderman 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL!! This is soo cool lol!!!! I am gonna starr it!! >.<
2007-03-27 13:22:20 · answer #9 · answered by *fallenangel* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
me likes :)
2007-03-27 11:06:56 · answer #10 · answered by shambles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋