What is the funniest joke you have ever heard??

Answer 1

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have! one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you
want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A
senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman
steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car
and
murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The off! icer is
quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands
it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have
a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up
the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Answer 2

This one is hilarious:

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.

He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"

Answer 3

boy 1 where does this road go?

boy 2 this street ain't going nowhere. ITS ALWAYS HERE
or

three ants went to the movie theater, one deaf one blind one cant one one sight, when the movie ends, deaf said i could hear the film. blind couldn't see, but the last ant said,HA I SAW THE FILM TWICE!

Answer 4

Two cows were talking in a field one day.
The first cow said: "Have you heard about the Mad Cow Disease that's going around?"
The second cow said: "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"

Answer 5

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Get in the car, Robin. :)

Answer 6

wats big, green, has four legs, and if it fell outta a tree it wood kill you??




a pool table

Answer 7

What do you tell a blonde with two black eyes?

Nothing, she's already been told twice.

Answer 8

If I told you, it would end in a heart attack lol