Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

Two hookers were standing on New York street corner. One said: "It's gonna be a good night. I smell c*ck in the air."
The other one said: "No, I just burped."

2007-02-08 11:45:36 · 2 answers · asked by Baptized Disciple 5

Now be honest, and I might tell you mine!

2007-02-08 11:44:03 · 21 answers · asked by Tink 5

2007-02-08 11:43:20 · 8 answers · asked by babycakes 1

Three guys are selected by a secret government organization and are all brought in for a final test of loyalty. The man in charge tells the first applicant, Your wife is in the next room. Take this gun and kill her." The guy goes in but comes out seconds later in tears, saying "I can't do it." The next guy does the same thing. The third guy goes into the room. He's there for a couple seconds, and then six gunshots are heard, followed by a lot of scuffling. He exits the room disheveled and covered in blood and says, "Some idiot put blanks in the gun! I had to strangle her."

Did you hear Donald Trump's nemesis Rosie O' Donnell got arrested for drug possession?
Yeah, they lifted up her skirt and found 300 pounds of crack.

2007-02-08 11:42:18 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

you know its wrong butsooner or later you are going to touch it with your tongue!!!!

2007-02-08 11:41:33 · 15 answers · asked by MICHELLE 2

you answer

2007-02-08 11:39:46 · 16 answers · asked by Joanna 2

im in shape- round is a shape!

2007-02-08 11:39:14 · 15 answers · asked by PaRtYqUeEn 2

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget..."

2007-02-08 11:38:35 · 8 answers · asked by Papa 7

say that fast

2007-02-08 11:37:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

i think i am clever!

2007-02-08 11:36:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

if anyone can answer this is riddle ill give a lot of credits.

2007-02-08 11:29:40 · 3 answers · asked by mikey b 2

"Wherehave you been al this time"?why did ye not write to us,
not even a line?why did'nt ye call?can ye not understand what ye put yer old ma through.The girl crying replied sniff,sniff...da..i became a prostitute...?"ye what!?out of here ye shameless harlet! sinner! your'e a disgrace to this family"ok da-as ye wish.I just came back to give ma this luxurious fur coat,title deed to 10 bedroom mansion plus a saving certificate for £5 million.for ma wee brother,this gold rolex and for ye da this brand new merc limited edition that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club(takes a breath)..and an invitation for ye all to spend new years eve on board my yacht in the rivera,and..."now what was it ye said ye had become?"says da,girl crying agen,"sniff,sniff...a prostitute da! sniff,sniff"."oh!bejesus! ye scared me half to death girl"i thought you said protestant,come and give yer old man a hug

2007-02-08 11:25:27 · 22 answers · asked by driverfus 2

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double.

The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

2007-02-08 11:20:40 · 18 answers · asked by Smurf 7

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

2007-02-08 11:12:37 · 18 answers · asked by Smurf 7

a) eagles
b) pelicans
c) swallows
d) chaffinches
e)crows

its one of the above, please help

2007-02-08 11:07:43 · 15 answers · asked by chanti 3

sitting at a bar.
One says "Your round"
The other says "So are you, you fat B@*&%$d!"

2007-02-08 11:04:37 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Best one gets 10pts and they can be clean or dirty and I do not take offence to racist jokes as thats all they are jokes

2007-02-08 11:03:02 · 16 answers · asked by Jack 2

TEPB POEUPBT/Z EUF U CAPB.

2007-02-08 11:01:33 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Drunk Jokes


A drunk walks into a bar and notices a banner that says "win $10,000; ask bartender for details".

He asks and the bartender says "well, you see that man at the end of the bar?". The drunk looks over and sees a huge, burley dude. The bartender says "if you can knock him out with one punch, you go to the second step...
The door right behind that big guy opens into a room containing an alligator with a sore tooth. If you can pull his tooth and come out alive, you move on to step three...
Those stairs next to the door go up to an eighty year old hooker's apartment. She has never been satisfied by any man. If you can satisfy her, you win the money!"

The drunk says ok and orders a double shot of whiskey. He belts that down, walks to the end of the bar and POW!, knocks the big dude out. He orders another double, belts it down, walks to the door, steps inside and closes the door. BAM, CRASH, GROWL is all the bartender and patrons can hear for a few minutes and then total silence. Five minutes later, the drunk walks out of the room bloody, clothes shredded. He orders another double, drinks it and says "o.k., where's the hooker with the sore tooth?".

2007-02-08 10:54:14 · 9 answers · asked by Smurf 7

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? or if a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

2007-02-08 10:51:45 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

She died???? How?? be nice i am sorry if i am not on top of all this "new" news!!!!!!

2007-02-08 10:49:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

(joke)

2007-02-08 10:46:38 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-08 10:44:39 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."

2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."

3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"

4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"

5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"

6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"

7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

2007-02-08 10:44:05 · 14 answers · asked by Smurf 7

II hear Michael Jackson and R Kelly are doing an album... The title, Best of Both Worlds.

2007-02-08 10:41:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-08 10:36:54 · 10 answers · asked by daniel m 2

never trust a man with an eye each side of his nose

2007-02-08 10:32:29 · 18 answers · asked by stefan 3

This is the second time I ask because no one gets it right.



If you have 5 ice cubes and 2 melted, How many ice cubes do you have left?

2007-02-08 10:24:24 · 16 answers · asked by Bruins Fan 6

Q: How do you make a Anna Nicole's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q: What does Anna Nicole and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you get Anna Nicole out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: Why did Anna Nicole scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did Anna Nicole have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did Anna Nicole keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did Anna Nicole tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

2007-02-08 10:08:44 · 25 answers · asked by hairy pouter 3

2007-02-08 10:08:31 · 7 answers · asked by MAT 1