2007-02-08 10:36:54 · 10 answers · asked by daniel m 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee,
And a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
The drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued. Since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing unusual that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly"
hehe!
2007-02-08 12:50:53 · answer #1 · answered by Kathleen G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's
house, and after eating, the wives left the table
and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were
talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a
new restaurant and it was really great. I would
recommend it very highly. The other man said, "What
is the name of the restaurant?" The first man
thought and thought and finally said, "What is the
name of that flower you give to someone you love? You
know...the one that's red
and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's
the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled,"Rose, what's the name of that
restaurant we went to last night?
2007-02-08 20:25:06 · answer #2 · answered by oo00dawn00oo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike!!"
2007-02-08 10:50:51 · answer #3 · answered by Sherry Baby ( Ethan's Mama ) 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two elderly ladies are trying to get the attention of two elderly men in a rest home. They try wearing all kinds of sexy outfits. Repeatedly, they present themselves with something different. Finally, after no response, they figure they will come out naked. Again they get no response and give up.
One of the old men asks the other, "so what are they wearing this time?"
The other answers, "I don't know, but it sure needs ironing."
2007-02-08 10:48:56 · answer #4 · answered by kirstin a 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on:
The first surgeon says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second surgeon responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon opines: "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers....those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon shuts them all up when he observes: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and the head and the *** are interchangeable."
2007-02-08 10:58:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wanted small black boy to act as mudflap for 1978 cortina.
Must be flexible and willing to travel.
(I am not racist I just like jokes so sorry to anyone who takes offence as none is meant)
2007-02-08 10:59:03 · answer #6 · answered by Jack 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Here's one for you...
Q: Why did Anna Nicole die before help arrived?
A: She always forgets the "11" in "9-1-1".
2007-02-08 10:43:45 · answer #7 · answered by hairy pouter 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Why do men forget people's birthdays? Because they are busy trying to remember how to put their pants on right.
2007-02-08 10:53:39 · answer #8 · answered by art_flood 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hm...
BUTT *****!
www.tourettesguy.com/videos
i recommend 'what happened to dom?' 'bird in the house' and 'bob saget'
2007-02-08 10:59:50 · answer #9 · answered by medium.skate 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
what do horses eat? hay
what do gay horses eat? haaaaaayyyyyy
2007-02-08 10:45:24 · answer #10 · answered by smjohnson55 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋