Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on:
The first surgeon says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second surgeon responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon opines: "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers....those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon shuts them all up when he observes: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and the head and the *** are interchangeable."
2007-02-08 11:05:57
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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you cannot fix stupid, sorry.
Why do morons like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
Why did it take the moron an hour to eat breakfast?
Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! !
What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back at him.
How did the moron fall on the floor?
He tripped over the cordless phone.
How did the moron try to kill a bird?
He threw it off a mountain cliff !
Why did the moron climb the glass wall ?
To see what was on the other side!
How do you confuse a moron?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner!
Hear about the moron that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realize he could play it at night.
Why did the moron going to the airport turn around and go home?
Because he saw the sign that said "Airport Left".
Two morons were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first moron said "These look like deer tracks,"
and the other moron said, "No, they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued, and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
Why can't a moron dial 911?
He can't find the 11 on the phone!
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
.................................
woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...er... features...of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a penis...AND a brain?"
2007-02-08 12:00:34
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answer #2
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answered by Rae-May 3
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One morning at a doctor surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he
was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s
how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What
the happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was
the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running
late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same
time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
Patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the happened
to you….?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
2007-02-16 09:01:57
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answer #3
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answered by theking15 2
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How do you make a whore moan?
Kick her in the ****.
How do u circumsize a whale?
Send down 4 skin divers.
What is the definition of susspiciousness?
A priest doing pushups in long grass
If your mother & father have a baby & its not ur sister or ur brother, who is it?
It's you you dipshit
Why is psycoanalysis quicker for men than women?
When it's time to go back to our childhood,we're already there
Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
He scared the hell out of his seeing eye dog
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to use it
Whats the worst part about a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your PHLEGM
Little johnny was sitting in class when he yelled" miss, i gotta piss". the teacher replied,"johnny that is not the appropriate word to use.The correct word is urinate. If u use this word then i will let you go ok." "ok" johnny smirked,"Your an 8,but if you had bigger **** then u'd be a 10"
2007-02-16 10:46:42
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answer #4
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answered by hsvxclr8r 3
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Do you know of Thor, the Thunder God? Well, he's cruising around up there and every time he passes over this building, he sees these guys go in sad and come out smiling.
So, he decides to go down and find out what it is that's happening. He goes in and says to the lady at the desk, "I don't know what makes those guys so happy, but what ever it is, I want some." She replies, "Okay, go in room #13.
Well! Certainly the young lady shows him what it's all about!
Next morning they get up and take a shower together. He's thinking to himself, "Boy, this girl must be wondering why I can do that all night and not get tired. I think I'll tell her who I am." So he taps her on the shoulder and says," Y'know miss, I'm Thor." To which she replies, "Your thore, I can't even Pith!"
2007-02-08 12:16:24
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answer #5
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answered by billy brite 6
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There r 4 gay guys in a hot tub. 1 farts and a comdum floats to the top
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender where the bathroom was. So the bartender goes "oh just follow the staris and then turn left." 20 minutes later the guy comes down from the bathroom adn the bartender goes "what the hell were u doin up there?!" The guy replies "oh i was just blowing bubbles" A couple min. later another guy walks into the bar and asks where the b-room is. The bartender goes "oh just follow the staris and then turn left." So 30 min. later the guy comes down and the bartender goes "what in the world were u doing up there." The guy just replies "o nothin' just blowin' bubbles" so this happens with a few more people finally a guy comes down, but the bartender doesn't remember sending him up, and the bartender goes "let me guess you were blowing bubbles" the guy looks at him and goes "no, bu my name is bubbles."
What do u call a black minister
<
<
Holy Crap!
2007-02-08 11:12:38
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answer #6
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answered by it's me 3
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This is not really a joke, but it did happen, and I am not rascist.
I went to the grocery and I was in line for a cashier, who happened to be a very cute black girl. Just as I was about to put my items on the belt, I sneezed very hard. She asked, "Do you have a cold?" I blurted out, "No, I think I'm allergic to pretty black girls!" I turned red, and I could still hear the cashiers going into hysterics.
I'll take 10
minute break, I think somethiing is burning in the oven.
2007-02-08 11:13:35
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answer #7
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answered by quillologist 5
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A couple had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marr iage was the husband's habit farting loudly every morning when he awoke The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned. The years went by and he continued to blast them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was
preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving while he
was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and; I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife
Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
2007-02-08 11:52:44
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Three men are out in a fishing boat. They see a bottle floating by, and one guy reaches out, and takes it. When he pulls out the cork, a genie pops out. He says each man can have one wish.
The first guy says : 'I forgot my lunch, a sandwich would be nice'
POOF a sandwich appears in his hands
The second guy says : 'I just want one, huge fish'
POOF, a very large fish appears in his lap
The third guy (who hasn't been fishing, just drinking)says:
'I wish we were floating in an ocean of beer'
POOF The genie turns the water to beer
Both men simultaneously slap him. "What's that for???" he whines.
"Idiot!!now, we'll have to pee in the boat!!!!!"
2007-02-14 06:07:17
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answer #9
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answered by Icewomanblockstheshot 6
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haha properly good i've got been given a intercourse comedian tale for you wish you like it :) on listening to that her grandad had merely died kate went and visited her nan to convenience her whilst she asked how he died her nan replyed via sayin that he had had a coronary heart attack whilst makin love 2 her kate mentioned that it replaced into stupid that 2 previous human beings the place havin intercourse because it replaced into askin for worry her nan replyed via sayin that they used to do it to the sluggish %. of the church bells because it replaced into merely the wonderful velocity she then wiped a tear from her eye and carryed on via sayin''if that dahmed ice cream van hadnt come alongside he might nevertheless be alive as we communicate'' :) xxx
2016-11-02 22:34:24
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answer #10
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answered by ? 4
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