Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

There this teacher whos explaining how and hippo looks there are to kids talking in the class the teacher notices that and she tells them stop talking and look at me otherwise you wont know how an hippo looks like

2006-12-30 18:00:47 · 28 answers · asked by Star_Night 5

if there is a guy on first and a guy on second. They run the same speed and leave thier base at the exact same time. Who get to the next base first.

2006-12-30 17:45:14 · 9 answers · asked by rug 3

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

Why did the cat run away from the tree?
A: Because of the barks!

Heheh... and here is today's riddle:

Which side of the apple is the reddest?

Good luck! :)

2006-12-30 17:43:38 · 23 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

One day a woman was taking a shower when she heard the doorbell ring.

"Who is it???" she called out.

"Blind man!" the man outside said.

She figured that if he was blind it didn't matter if she was naked so she walked out of the bathroom and opened the door.

"Here are your blinds ma'am!!!"

2006-12-30 17:23:30 · 27 answers · asked by Mr. Jeff - It is what it is ☺ 6

Made you look.

2006-12-30 17:16:23 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that this type of itch could be cured; but it required special medicinal properties present in Nick the Dragon Slayer’s lips, that had to be applied to her breasts for two hours.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly smeared on his lips, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts for the two hours. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's shorts. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

Moral of the story: Always pay your bills in time!

2006-12-30 17:13:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

if u do tell me

2006-12-30 17:05:38 · 15 answers · asked by kelsey 2

He was on comedy central last night and he was making a joke about hillbillies and said they lived on the mouantions above them and they would look down on them and would say "Look at them down there.... Brushin` There teeth...." and he told the story about how his dad went down in the bottom of the pool with rocks ducktaped to his back with a garden hose and they pulled up the hose too fast and he had to run up. He had blondie, kinda long but in a bold shaped cut. I FORGOT HIS NAME <:(

2006-12-30 16:43:20 · 4 answers · asked by dadudesam2 3

How many marbles are in this jar.

2006-12-30 16:42:18 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A driver is stopped by a police officer.

Driver: "What's the problem officer?"

Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."

Driver: "No sir, I was going 65."

Driver's wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The driver gives her a dirty look.)

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."

Driver: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"

Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks." (The driver gives his wife another dirty look.)

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt."

Driver: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."

Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt."

The driver turns to his wife and yells,

Driver: "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

The Officer turns to the woman and asks,

Officer: "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"

Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."

2006-12-30 16:36:27 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was once a man who liked baked beans a lot. He ate them every day, but the problem was that they caused him to fart. A lot.

His fiance called him one day and told him to come over for dinner. After he got out of work, he went to the store, bought a can of baked beans and ate them on the way home.

When he got to the door, his fiance said "I have a big surprise for you!", put a blindfold on him, and guided him to the table. He sat down, with the blindfold on ready to eat. His fiance went in the kitchen to finish preparing dinner.

Suddenly, he had to fart. Really bad. He tried not to, since he would stink up the whole house, but he just had to. He let a huge one rip. It lasted about 10 seconds, and it was loud.

His fiance came back in the room with dinner, put it on the table, and took the blindfold off of him. "Surprise!" Her family were guests for dinner.

2006-12-30 15:43:58 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-30 15:29:03 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-30 15:17:41 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

There once was a whore from Khartoum,
who took a young gay to her room,
they did nothing all night,
except argue and fight,
as to who should do what,
and to whom.

2006-12-30 15:08:09 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

An attractive blonde and a handsome man step into the same elevator. The blonde sighs happily and says 'TGIF', and is surprised when the man replies '****'. The blonde thinks perhaps he didn't hear her correctly, so she repeats it once again: 'TGIF!' and once again the man replies 'S H I T'. Finally, the blonde explains 'Sir, TGIF - Thank God it's Friday!' Stepping out of the elevator, the man smirks and says 'S H I T - Sorry honey, it's Thursday.'

2006-12-30 15:05:03 · 19 answers · asked by Mr. Jeff - It is what it is ☺ 6

2006-12-30 15:04:45 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jimmy lives in the _ _ _ _?

2006-12-30 15:04:31 · 9 answers · asked by Flafibopsicles 3

A virile, young Italian guy was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So...you finish?"


She paused for a second, frowned and admitted, "No."


Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The lovemaking ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?"


And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."


Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping.


Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"


Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No! I Danish."

2006-12-30 14:55:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Because it just f**king does, that's why!

2006-12-30 14:44:19 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A train leaves NYC. One hour later, another train leaves Boston. If both trains travel at the same speed, which train would be closer to NYC when they find each other?

2006-12-30 14:40:38 · 15 answers · asked by chori82 1

not the hood dont even try to guess that

2006-12-30 14:33:56 · 16 answers · asked by Flafibopsicles 3

Two, one to change the bulb, and one to hold the penis, LADDER, I meant ladder.

2006-12-30 14:29:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-30 14:15:16 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

Does a joke have to be offensive or hurtful to be funny?

2006-12-30 14:13:52 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

> >>>> > A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was
> >>>>relaxing at > his
> >>>> > favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular
> >>>>young
> >>>> > blonde
> >>>> > woman.
> >>>> >
> >>>> > Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to
> >>>>his
> >>>> > apartment
> >>>> > and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where
> >>>>he
> >>>>rattled
> >>>> > her senseless.
> >>>> >
> >>>> > After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you
> >>>> > finish?"
> >>>> >
> >>>> > She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
> >>>> >
> >>>> > Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.
> >>>> >
> >>>> > This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of
> >>>> > passion.
> >>>> >
> >>>> > The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You
> >>>> > finish?"
> >>>> >
> >>>> > Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles
> >>>>closer
> >>>> > to him and softly says, "No."
> >>>> >
> >>>> > Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman
> >>>> > unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again.
> >>>> >
> >>>> > Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they
> >>>>end
> >>>> > together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed
> >>>>sheets.
> >>>> >
> >>>> > Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping.
> >>>> >
> >>>> > Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles
> >>>> > proudly and asked again, "You finish?"
> >>>> >
> >>>> > Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear:
> >>>> > "No, I Norwegian."

2006-12-30 14:11:06 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

if you guess right you get 10 pt. if you dont then well you get zip

2006-12-30 14:01:35 · 35 answers · asked by Flafibopsicles 3

Just a reminder........

Why Parents Have Gray Hair

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home

2006-12-30 13:58:17 · 24 answers · asked by nαrcíssα [misses being a TC] 6

One day, 6 year old Tommy walked into the bathroom while his mum was in the shower. Tommy saw his mum naked and said "Mummy, what are those?" and Mum replied "Those are my flash-lights Tommy." and then Tommy asked "Whats that?" and Mum replied "That's my garden." *Keep in mind, this joke was from a while ago when women still had hairy crotches*;-). The next day, Tommy went into the bathroom, and saw his dad naked. "Daddy, what's that?" He asked. And daddy replied "That's my snake Tommy, one day you'll will be as big as mine." Tommy left the bathroom. Later that night, Tommy couldn't sleep, so he walked into his parent's bedroom and could see them just perfectly with the moonlight shining on them and screamed "MUMMY, TURN ON YOUR FLASH-LIGHTS!!! DADDY'S BIG SNAKE IS IN YOUR GARDEN!!!"

-tell me what you guys thought of this joke.

2006-12-30 13:13:23 · 22 answers · asked by missamerica7489 1

2006-12-30 13:08:24 · 37 answers · asked by oldejab 1

as I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives.
each wife had seven sacks
each sack had seven cats
each cat had seven kits
kits, cats, sacks and wives
how many were going to St. Ives

2006-12-30 13:03:23 · 32 answers · asked by Enigma 6