Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

2006-12-30 08:37:34 · 14 answers · asked by Dr Know It All 5

give us a pint and drinks on the house for everybody.When the landlord gave him the bill he said " iv'e got no money" the landlord say's "if you went into my brothers pub and pulled that trick he'd have broke your f**k**g neck" he replyed "iv'e just come from there. .........................Yes all you 2 point pr***s heard it 15 years ago brigade so wot it's funny and up to date now (init)

2006-12-30 08:28:58 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-30 07:55:36 · 20 answers · asked by Nemesis: Your worst nightmare 5

2006-12-30 07:39:36 · 41 answers · asked by chasz_1998 1

A mum is in the bath with her 5 yr old son, and during the bath, the lad turned around and looked at his mother intently. His eyes were drawn to his mothers tuppence...
"Mummy," he said " What is that between your legs?"
Slightly embarrassed, she tried to think quickly of a suitable answer for the little lad.
"It's where God hit Mummy with an axe" she replied.
"Ooooooo" said the son, wincing "Right in the f*cking c*nt ... "

2006-12-30 07:30:36 · 28 answers · asked by fivehundredmonkeys 2

I think it's fitting for the kind of man he was.

2006-12-30 07:17:36 · 6 answers · asked by Sugar 7

A woman walks into the local dry cleaners.

She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress," she says.

"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

"No," she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."

2006-12-30 07:12:24 · 35 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

Crossword Puzzle

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard
that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting," thought the
genleman.
"I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him
in person." Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope
himself. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pope. Shortly
after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his bag and began
working on it.

"This is fantastic", thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at
crosswords.
Perhaps if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance." Almost
immediately, the Pope turned to the man and said, "Excuse me, but do you
know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'unt'?

The man was in shock. He could only think of one word that fit the
description and he was not about to say it to the Pope. The gentleman
thought for a while longer, then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the
gentleman said, "I think you're looking for the word 'aunt'."

"Of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"

2006-12-30 07:03:36 · 22 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

2006-12-30 06:56:16 · 35 answers · asked by rathu s 2

Mans Best Friend

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a
most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about
50 feet behind.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bulldog on
a leash. Behind him was a queue of about 200 men or more walking in
single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. So he
respectfully approached the man walking the dog,

"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now this is a bad time to
disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral
is it?"

The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my wife."

"What happened to her?" The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed
her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife
when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two
men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Join the queue."

2006-12-30 06:56:01 · 24 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

One day, 3 men rushed their wives into the Emergency Room for labor.

After a while, the doctor came out and said, "Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, are you here?"

"Yes doctor, im right here," he said anxiously.

"Great news," explained the doctor, "Twins!"

"Wow, thats great, because I work for the DoubleMint company."

About 5 minuter later, the doctor came out and yelled, "Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, are you here?"

"I'm right year Doc," he said.

"Mr. Jones, great news, triplets!"

"Spectacular!" he said. "Because I work for 3M."

A while later, the doctor came out again and said, "Mr. Ford, Mr. Ford, are you here?"

"Right here docta," he said.

"Wonderful news! It's-"

"Wait a minute!" the man said. "I ain't stickin' around for this! I work at the 7-11."

2006-12-30 06:47:58 · 19 answers · asked by Shaniqua B 2

oh no..




because of the sandwich's there...

2006-12-30 06:45:14 · 27 answers · asked by Mr (FnC).. Frogncat 5

What do a man getting a b*** job from a 90 year old woman and a high altitude tightrope walker have in common?-------- Neither one wants to look down.

2006-12-30 06:40:42 · 14 answers · asked by Michael S 3

what so many kurds will be doing to saddam in heaven..

2006-12-30 06:36:41 · 7 answers · asked by snow l 3

2006-12-30 06:31:52 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

a little boy rans to his mom and ask's
"mom! can little girls give baby?!?!"
astomished his mom says
"no son, they can."
then the boy runs happly shouting-- pinky we can play it again!
----


2friends @ station,
frnd1-" look my husband is comming with a bunch of flowers!now i have to spend my whole weekend by sprieding my legs wide in the air."
friend2-"why don't u have a vase @home?!"
----



An irish man says to his neigbour-
everyday i kiss my wife,b4 i go to the office!
his neigbour says
Oh! i do it to her after u leave.
irish man(laughing loud) Oh ho! i m the 1st to kiss her, u losser!.
----



HAPPY NEW YEAR!
TO ALL OF U
GOD BLESS

rating plz.

2006-12-30 06:28:35 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are walking in the desert and you see an oasis, a good bass player, and a bad bass player. Which do you head towards?

2006-12-30 06:27:17 · 12 answers · asked by hello. it's me. 4

2006-12-30 06:15:32 · 15 answers · asked by Eureka! 6

Penny or Nickel? Help, my daughter keeps asking me this question and she's driving me crazy.

2006-12-30 06:14:32 · 16 answers · asked by STAR 2

his reply was he fancied a punani ! Do you think he meant a panini ?? He can be silly at times !

2006-12-30 06:11:26 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-30 06:10:03 · 11 answers · asked by Eureka! 6

AAA You cry when you stick a knife in an onion...

2006-12-30 06:09:49 · 13 answers · asked by fivehundredmonkeys 2

What's the difference between an egg and a w*nk? You can beat an egg!

2006-12-30 06:09:10 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and his son were involved in an accident. The man dies on the way to the hospital. At the hospital, the son is rushed to surgery. The surgoen walks in and says "I cant operate on him, he is my son". Who is the doctor? Its easier in print...not so easy when told in person.....

2006-12-30 06:05:33 · 15 answers · asked by CLA:) 1

Why do tammys' have a piece of string?
Scroll down please....






So crabs can go bungee jumping!

2006-12-30 06:02:57 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-30 06:01:40 · 25 answers · asked by Cream tea 4

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd BOTH be riding the damn bus, so shut the hell up."

2006-12-30 05:53:40 · 15 answers · asked by Jo C 3

The magician's wand is used for cunning stunts.

2006-12-30 05:40:13 · 9 answers · asked by Cream tea 4

The army cadet can shoot but he can't hit.

2006-12-30 05:32:10 · 6 answers · asked by Cream tea 4

whats the difference between the england team and a tea bag?
-the tea bag stays in the cup longer.

2006-12-30 05:32:01 · 3 answers · asked by questionaire 1