Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

what did george bush get saddam for christmas soap on a rope

2006-12-29 23:40:01 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Wife would like to know if chickens fart. I recon yes, but who realy knows.

2006-12-29 23:29:57 · 5 answers · asked by phillipe` 1

Any women looking for a 69 year old dark skinned well hung man!

2006-12-29 23:27:39 · 20 answers · asked by jabelite 3

A guy’s driving his car, blows through a stop sign & gets caught by the law.

Cop says, "License and registration please."

Guy says, "What for?"

Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Guy says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop, license and registration, please."

Guy says, "What's the difference?"

Cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete Stop. License and registration, PLEASE!"

Guy says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop I'll give you my license and registration."

Cop says, "O.K. exit your vehicle sir."

At this point, the cop takes out his Night Stick & starts beating the crap out of the guy and says, "Do you want me to slow down or stop?"

2006-12-29 23:18:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

This joke is better heard than read but here goes(read it out loud):

A man with a speech impediment (non PC bit) goes to a building site looking for a job.
'W-w-w-what's the p-p-pay l-l-like?'
Workman: 'The pay's not that hot but the perks are good'
'W-w-w-what d-d-do you m-mean?
'Come up the scaffolding and I'll show you'
They both went up the scaffolding and the workman waited until the foreman walked beneath the scaffold.He slyly kicked a brick off the edge and shouted down: 'FALLING BRICK!!!'
Tha foreman jumped aside and the brick just missed him.
He was so grateful he climbed up the scaffold and gave the workman £10 for saving his life.
'T-t-that's a g-g-good t-trick! I-i-ill t-try t-that.'
He waited until the manager walked underneath then kicked the brick and shouted:
'F-F-F-F-F-F-Flipping heck ..Ive killed him'

2006-12-29 23:06:44 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Paddy and Rastus are room-mates and both go for the same job.Unfortunately the manager is a racist and does n't like coloured people so gives the job to Paddy.Back at the lodgings,Rastus is peeved at Paddy getting the job and when he is asleep,smears boot polish on his face.In the morning the landlady shouts:'Wake up Paddy,you do n't want to be late on your first day at work!' Paddy gets dressed in a hurry,runs out of the house having grabbed a sandwich and hurries to work.In the high street he looks in a shop window and sees his black-faced reflection.
'Stupid landlady' he says...'She's only gone and woken up the wrong man!'

2006-12-29 22:13:04 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

I posted this a few moments ago:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061230030739AA3MHVh&r=w&pa=FZptHWf.BGRX3OFMhzNRV637fYvR3aMCEtd4ZHDlX78LPwuJf4.VfJYqtI9_wWp.dinetQdv6ueVG3JR8Q--&paid=answered#RJV_WDe1UWVtoAoIUGiGgfosVba.9ssSKiJkDdTSQipXigBYtpOD

2006-12-29 22:12:38 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Then how long would it take a cricket with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a pickle?

2006-12-29 22:10:56 · 10 answers · asked by srgofcb 2

A young man at a New Year's party turns to his
friend and asks for a cigarette.
'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit
smoking,' his friend says.
'I'm in the process of quitting,' the man says.
'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'
'What's phase one?'
'I've quit buying.'

Happy New Year!!

2006-12-29 22:00:41 · 34 answers · asked by ? 7

Here in Spain almoust anybody knows,for me is one of the best english bands.
What are your favourite songs?

2006-12-29 21:52:54 · 8 answers · asked by sofí 5

that Bigamy is having one wife to many.....exactly the same as Monogamy !!!!

2006-12-29 21:48:27 · 17 answers · asked by Shredder 6

A hard-working father...who just came home from an all-day taxi driving, dropped-by the market to buy food and prepares this for dinner... is scolding his young son who played video all-day long, messed their trailer-home with junk food wrappers strewn all over...

Dad: Look at you son, I'm doing this for you. Aren't you ashamed of what will other people say if...here you are just waiting for me dead-tired from driving taxi whole day just to earn a living, then still have to cook for us, while you messed-up the house and just play video all day long?

Son: Look at you Dad, I'm doing this for you. What if I drove the taxi all day long, buys food in the market then cook dinner for us even after dead-tired from work...aren't you'll be ashamed of what other people will say to you if...

...they find you playing video all day long?

2006-12-29 21:33:18 · 10 answers · asked by Mr. Kite 2

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Shortly, he received this reply,
"For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."

2006-12-29 21:19:25 · 28 answers · asked by axilaryguy 1

2006-12-29 21:09:08 · 17 answers · asked by nocturnal fear 1

I lie down when you stand and I stand when you are lying down...

2006-12-29 20:44:05 · 13 answers · asked by Kurokami 1

Top Ten Blonde Inventions
10...The water-proof towel
9...Solar powered flashlight
8...Submarine screen door
7...A book on how to read
6...Inflatable dart board
5...A dictionary index
4...Ejector seat in a helicopter.
5...Powdered water
2...Pedal-powered wheel chair
1...Water-proof tea bag

2006-12-29 20:42:49 · 10 answers · asked by nocturnal fear 1

If I swore you were an angel would you treat me like the devil tonight? If I was dying of thirst would you let your love come quench me? OK SO I'M BORED AND PUNISHING YOU WITH MY SINGING SORRY KIDDIES I'LL STOP... ;)

2006-12-29 20:08:27 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-29 19:54:53 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuATtxtnHm4

2006-12-29 19:44:16 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-29 18:41:15 · 12 answers · asked by Melissa P 2

I'm very shy...and very PALE!! would you please at least let me have my t-shirt and underwear for the 2 block walk home?

2006-12-29 18:09:42 · 12 answers · asked by john t 1

The following are actual signs found on church property.

*"No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace."

*"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"

"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."

"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"

An ad for St. Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons-come hear one!"

A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed."

"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."

2006-12-29 18:07:28 · 17 answers · asked by Adeline 3

2006-12-29 18:01:08 · 25 answers · asked by The Answering Machine 4

2006-12-29 17:47:27 · 15 answers · asked by Amelia 6

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

Why were the suspenders arrested?
A: They held up a pair of pants!

Heheh... and here is today's riddle:

Why did the cat run away from the tree?

Good luck! :)

2006-12-29 17:47:22 · 10 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Why cant Miss Piggy count to 100?


Because everytime she gets to 69 she gets a frog stuck in her throat.

2006-12-29 17:36:22 · 9 answers · asked by Megz 2

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $600?"

2006-12-29 17:29:49 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-29 17:20:32 · 20 answers · asked by fivelighters 4

There is a man and woman who are golfing, but they are not together. The man comes up the the woman, and asks her what hole he is on. She says "I am on the 5th hole, and because you are one hole behind me, you are on the 4th hole". The man says "Thank you", and walks away.

Later, the man comes up to the lady again, and asks her what hole he is on. The lady replies "I am on the 14th hole, and because you are one hold behind me, you are on the 13th hole." The man thanks her, and then asks her out to lunch at the golf clubhouse.

While they are having lunch, the man asks the lady what she does for a living. She replies, "You're going to laugh, it's really embarassing."

The man promises that he won't laugh. The lady says, "I sell tampons."

The man bursts into laughter, and the lady says, "See, I knew that you were going to laugh."

The man wipes his eyes, and replies, "No, it's not that, it's just that I sell toilet paper, so I'm still one hole behind you!"

2006-12-29 17:09:53 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is driving down the road when he spots a sign that says, TALKING DOG FOR SALE. He is curious, so he pulls over and spots the owner. He asks him if he can see the dog. "Sure, he's right over there". The man walks up to the dog and says "I hear you can talk". "Yes, I can", says the dog. "I learned to speak at an early age and decided to capitalize on it and joined the C.I.A. They sent me to Russia and Germany and I laid around and listened in on secret conversations and reported back to the C.I.A. I made so much money doing this that I was able to retire early." The man was amazed and asked the owner how much he wanted for the dog. "Ten bucks", says the owner. "Isn't that awfully cheap for a talking dog?" says the man. "Not really" says the owner. "You see, he's a liar. He's never been to any of those places".

2006-12-29 17:00:02 · 20 answers · asked by Pepper's Mommy 5