2006-12-29 19:54:53 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
knock, knock....he he.....I'm such a dork...
2006-12-29 19:59:56 · update #1
Heya, Cheer up Mate.
I read this on another posting the other day and it cracked me up ..
Grandma in a rest home
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
They ask,"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
2006-12-29 19:57:55 · answer #1 · answered by DeeDee 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Once upon a time, a king made a challenge.
The King said, "If anyone here dare to cross the river in front of me and get to the other side living, I'll give you what ever you want!"
A man dares the challenge. He jumped to the river. 13 seconds from the time he entered the river, tons of shark attack him.
Looking at the poor guy, all the civilians step away from the water until someone jump again.
That guy is unbelieveable. He got to the other side unharmed.
King : "So, young man, what do you want? Half of my kingdom?"
Man : "No."
King : "Oh, you want to marry my daughter?"
Man : "Nope"
King : "So, what do you want???"
Man : "I... I... I just want to know which basta** pushed when I'm on the crowd!!!"
-----------------------------------------------------------
The Teacher's Day is today. And in the class, some students has prepared gift for their beloved teacher.
"I believe that gift inside the box was candies, right?" said the teacher confidently to one of her student.
"Yes, mam. How did you know that?"
The teacher just smile(because she knew that student parents runs a candy shop) and move to the other student.
"And I bet, that your gift is flowers, am I right?" said the teacher again knowing that student parents opens a flower shop and loves gardening.
"Oh, you got me..."
She just smile again and move to another student, this time a child from the liquor shop.
"I think, that gift from you is wine right?"
"Nope"
"No? Hmm..." the teacher looked at the bottom of the gift and sees some liquid drips from the package. She taste the liquid and said
"It is a wine!"
"No, it's not."
"I have tasted that liquid and it is tasted like wine!"
"Liquid? Oh man... I told you don't pee or poo in the package!"
The student opened the package. The teacher seemed bad and want to puke, because she saw a puppy was coming out from there.
2006-12-29 20:32:17 · answer #2 · answered by Kurokami 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What Do You Call A Person Who Hates Emos?
A German Hooligan
And Yes You Are A Dork
And Your So Depressed Oh Your Problems
Grow Up! Don't Hate Appriciate
2006-12-30 09:27:17 · answer #3 · answered by rain<3 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Three men who were camping were captured by an indian tribe. The chief said that to live they have to bring one different piece of fruit each. The men went to look for fruit, and the first man came with a apple. The chief said that he would let him live if he stuck it up his bum and does not laugh. So they man stuck it up his bum so they killed him. Then the second man came holding a cherry. The chief said the same thing to him, but when he did stick it up his bum he laughed. The two men were talking in heaven, the one man with the apple said "Why did you laugh, a cherry is small and easy to stick up your bum?" so he replied "because i saw the third guy come back with a pineapple!"
Keep smiling!
2006-12-29 20:00:53 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Killing Loneliness♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a knock knock joke for you. You start it.
"I want to go like my grandfather. Quietly, in my sleep. Not like the other screaming idiots in the car." - Anonymous
Bad Puns:
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
A blonde joke:
Four blonds were on their way to Disneyworld when they drove past a sign that said "Disneyland Left," so they went home.
Here's some funny websites:
http://www.getannoyed.com
http://www.blanketfort.com/juggling/heckling.html
If you want to pry into somebody's personal websurfing habits, try
http://del.icio.us/robotlick (it's mine).
2006-12-29 19:57:52 · answer #5 · answered by Mickey Mouse Spears 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
So these ladies are standing out in the rain smoking. This one lady takes out a condom and cuts off the tip and put it over her cigarette so it wont get wet. One of the older ladies thinks this is a good idea so she goes to the pharmacy to get some condoms. She asks the pharmacist for some and he asks her what size she wants. She replies, "Well, It has to be big enough for a Camel."
Cheer up. You could use some more cowbell as well.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=71770844627024590&q=cowbell&hl=en
2006-12-29 19:58:14 · answer #6 · answered by alwaysmoose 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Read my blog? 36 Jokes. Have fun!
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-5BULsD4hfq1bm1404fg-;_ylt=AqT3jNX3R7Y34lWh6ssMmWSqAOJ3?cq=1
2006-12-29 21:22:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
a kid walks in to a bar and the says to a waitress "gimme a beer" the waitress goes "you wanna get me in trouble?" the kid says "maybe later but for now i'll just have a beer"
2006-12-29 20:00:26 · answer #8 · answered by manicdetroiter 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
heres a blonde joke , no offense to blondes.
why did the blonde jump off a cliff?
because she thought her pad had wings.
2006-12-29 20:02:14 · answer #9 · answered by Emery 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i get so depressed because im so unlucky ?
"if i was in a marching band i"d be the one with the piano!!
"if i fell into a barrel of boobs i"d come out sucking my thumb!!
2006-12-29 20:03:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋