Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Nasty bullet wound.".

2006-10-29 01:21:24 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-29 01:16:48 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

The doctor puts his hand down the mans trousers and pulls out a steering wheel, The man says "that's better, that's been driving me Nuts"

2006-10-29 01:16:40 · 18 answers · asked by jabelite 3

EVERYONE!!!!!!!

2006-10-29 01:12:50 · 18 answers · asked by Sir Sidney Snot 6

But I couldn't find any!

2006-10-29 01:09:00 · 18 answers · asked by jabelite 3

A cowboy, an indian, a vicar,a priest and a rabbi, an irishman,scotsman and an englishman alll walk into a bar.
The barman say's " Oi, Is this some sort of a Joke!"

2006-10-29 01:06:45 · 15 answers · asked by jabelite 3

Barman say's
"oi, I hope your not gonna start anything!"

2006-10-29 01:02:43 · 22 answers · asked by jabelite 3

An englishman, irishman and scotsman are sentenced to 10 yrs in a pit for crimes they've committed. They are allowed 1 last request before they are thrown in...the irishman requests a 10 yr supply of Irish whisky, the scotsman requests a 10 yr supply of scotch whisky and the englishman requests a 10 yr supply of cigarettes. They are promptly thrown in the pit with their provisions and left there.

10 yrs later the sentence is over and the bodies of the Irishman and Scotsman are removed from the pit, both had died of alcohol poisoning. The enlglishman crawls out, barely alive, and asks..."has anyone got a light?"

2006-10-29 01:01:21 · 27 answers · asked by MickeyMouse 2

My vibro,
Which brings me heaven,
Rabbit be thy name,
Til kingdom come,
Thy makest me c.u.m,
On earth with eyes on heaven,
Give me this day my daily thrill and forgive me my screams,
As I forgive flat batteries,
Lead me not into temptation,
But deliver me from frustration,
For thine is the rotation,
The power and the buzzing,
Forever and ever,
NO MEN!!!!!!!!

2006-10-29 01:55:54 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-29 01:47:39 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

This guy who has a very small penis met a man who claims to have miracle medicines and gets a bottle of magic pills.
"Take only one a day for a month" says the medicine man. Our hero too impatient and swallows all 30 tables at once. His member started grow, grow &grow. Very soon body cannot cope the demand and he dies and buried but the medicine is too potent his penis keeps growing in grave!!
The graveyard's caretaker sees it grow out of the ground & cuts it off and buries it beside the body. It's time for another crop in the evening. Angry caretaker exhumes the body and buries it face down.
A week later around midnight- a man is walking by the graveyard when he sees a bunch of ghosts huddled together outside the graveyard a sort of emergency meeting. Some are sitting despair.
You look worried, what's the matter?
What shall we say brother!! through out the life we have got screwed and thought to have a peaceful life after death at least, but here too we getting screwed!!

2006-10-29 01:47:38 · 8 answers · asked by Pd 6

For throwing out the W's.

2006-10-29 01:42:31 · 31 answers · asked by Coyote 3

Sheep!

2006-10-29 01:36:06 · 13 answers · asked by Coyote 3

goes to the doctor and says "Doc,oim constipated." The doc examines paddy for a minute and then says,"Lean over the table." Paddy leans over the table,the doctor Whacks paddy on the ar5e with a baseball bat,and then sends him into the bathroom.Paddy appears a few minutes later and says,"Doc oi feel grand,what was it,what should oi do? The doctor replied"stop wiping with cement bags."

2006-10-29 01:33:49 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

When she has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil!

2006-10-29 01:25:51 · 15 answers · asked by Coyote 3

In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.

2006-10-29 01:09:56 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Santa has decided he has had enough of Cookies and milk left for him to enjoy after leaving the presents.

This year he wants Viagra and K-Y

2006-10-29 01:05:17 · 15 answers · asked by barrettins 3

A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.

"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"

She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson."

The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"

She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying "On The Road Again" when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attention to the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.

"Idiot!" she yelled and, from the radio, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

2006-10-29 01:01:58 · 14 answers · asked by Electric 7

This gal goes into a tatoo parlor and asks the guy to tatoo a picture of Elvis on her knees. When the job is done she looks in the miirror and does not like what she sees. She says that is not Elvis.

So an arguement ensues as she does not want to pay. The tatoo guys says let's get anothe opinion. So he walks out on the street and grabs the first guy he comes to which just happens to be the town drunk. He brings him back in the shop.....points at the gals knees and says who does that look like. The drunk gets down on all fours and examines for quite a while. Then he looks at the tatoo guy and said "the one on the left and right looks like Elvis Presley. The one in the middle looks like Willie Nelson".

2006-10-29 00:44:49 · 11 answers · asked by barrettins 3

This guy is in bed with a gal and her husband comes home. The guy jumps into the closet and closes the door... The woman's kid is in the closet also. After awhile the kid says it sure is dark in here. The guy is surprised the kid is in there but gains his composure and says "kid how much would it take to keep you quiet? The kid says $100 so do it. So the guy gives the kid $100

Later that day the kids dad wants to know where an 8 year old got $100. The kid tells his dad "I did something bad but I don't to talk about it" So the dad tells the boy well you should go and confess your sins to the priest.

So the boy goes to church and goes into the confessional. Then the priest walks in. The boy says "it sure is dark in here". And the priest says "look here Kid. This is my turf. You ain't gettin' another $100 from me again.

2006-10-29 00:29:02 · 13 answers · asked by barrettins 3

And says, "Father, Father, this man on crutches came into the church, stood by the statue of Jesus, said a few prayers and threw his crutches into the air". The priest replies, "That's wonderful my son. Where is this man now?" The kid says, "He's laying flat on his face".

2006-10-29 00:18:12 · 8 answers · asked by The professor 4

Two worms live together on a golf course.
The 1st worm says, "What kind of day is it?"
The other worm says, I don't know, but I am going up and checking it out." And starts on his way up through the dirt.
At the same time, two lady golfers are walking along the fairway.
The 1st one says, "Jeez, I gotta wiz."
Her friend says, "Well, there's nobody else here on the course. Do it right here"
The 1st lady says, "Right here?"
Her friend says, "Yeah."
And she agrees to do it, - B-coz it helps this joke ;-)
She pulls down her skivvies, and lifts up her little golf dress and she squats. As she just started worm pokes his head up out of the grass right below her. She lets fly, and the worm gets drenched. He's dripping wet as he goes back down through the dirt.
The 1st worm looks at him and says, "Oh, it's raining, huh?"
The 2nd worm says, "Not only is it raining, it's raining so hard the birds are building their nests upside-down."

2006-10-29 00:16:56 · 20 answers · asked by Pd 6

On vocals-Kenny Read

On bass guitar- Mosley Stone (From Jamaica)

On rhythm guitar- Wong Kords(From hong Kong)

On keyboards-Dewey Needham

On backing vocals-Sheila Blige & Mona Lott

Performing stage diver- Mike Rotch

All songs written by Russian composer_ Alcott yubolzoff

2006-10-29 00:12:34 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is so fragile, that when you say its name, you break it???
Gimme your best answer!!!

2006-10-29 00:09:39 · 17 answers · asked by ♥Petlover♥ 4

There is the Riddle .
A man has 12 quarter coin , and one of them is fake . With a Steelyard and 3 times weigh , how can you find which is fake and how can you find that fake coin is lighter or heavier than the real ???
Please Help me . As soon as possible . Thank you so much

2006-10-28 23:59:11 · 11 answers · asked by HoHa 1

2006-10-28 23:59:08 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

What would you be thinking on the way down?

2006-10-28 23:48:34 · 50 answers · asked by Char Char Gabor 3

2006-10-28 23:33:08 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

anywhere near the Bermuda Triangle(not the barry manilow record)!

2006-10-28 23:30:02 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jamal is a 15 year-old 5th grader.

........

This is Jamal's homework
assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.

2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.

3. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my ***** rectum
both.

4. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I
miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

5. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a
cup and said
penis.

6. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "Man,
it look fake."
He say, "Bullshit, that watch israel."

7. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the
apartment
undermine.

8. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "How much?"
she
say "fortify."


Furthering your education with Today's Ebonic word....


Today's word is: "OMELETTE"

Let us use it in a sentence.

"I should pop yo *** fo what you jus did, but omelette
dis one slide."

2006-10-28 22:54:36 · 12 answers · asked by redsnowykitten 3