Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

I just was in my desk chair and I got up and fell right out of the chair and basically did a belly flop. Hpoe you had a laugh!!

2006-10-29 06:18:10 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man has a dog that snores in his sleep. Annoyed, because she can't sleep, his wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's private parts &he will stop snoring. A few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet & grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog's parts, and sure nough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed! Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's parts. Amazingly, it also works on him!
The woman sleeps very soundly. The next morning, the husband wakes up very hung over. He tumbles into the bathroom.

2006-10-29 06:07:01 · 5 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

2006-10-29 06:06:33 · 5 answers · asked by melissa p 1

2006-10-29 06:02:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

i really want to know

2006-10-29 05:59:46 · 3 answers · asked by darkangel1111 5

Peace, pot, Tequila shot
Jesus loves you stoned or not
sex, drugs, rock n roll
speed, weed, birth control
party hardy, drink Bacardi
smoke a bowl, and have a party ____________________________
now get ready for us..were the class of 2011!!!

2006-10-29 05:59:13 · 13 answers · asked by LaLa G 2

2 muslim women walking down the road with tight fitting rucksacks, when one said to the other "does my bomb look big in this?" ........................




2 muslim mothers walking down the road when one asks " hows your son el rab?" the other replies "oh he went to spain and got on a train and it blew up"
so the other asks " hows your daughter injeeta?" oh she went to the gazza strip and went in a club and it blew up"
aww said the other one "the problem these days is that our kids blow up so quickly"...................................




a muslim woman knocked on a mans door the other day complete with full head dress, the man didnt open the door, he just spoke to her through the letterbox, when she went to walk away he asked her " now how do you like it ?"

2006-10-29 05:50:02 · 24 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

Could you give me any tips now that I can go wherever I want?
I want to scare people,hell even now that I'm writting this the poor guy (the owner of this computer) lost his mind and is running away...
I can also watch guys what they're doing when alone,I thought I was going to die of laughter,hmm...
So I guess thank you and have a nice booo!
=D

2006-10-29 05:43:27 · 7 answers · asked by rochelle 1

A muslim woman came round to my house last night.
I didn't let her in, I just talked to her through the letter box - she how she friggin likes it...

2006-10-29 05:39:01 · 27 answers · asked by Ali 3

An Irish,English and Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney
"The view is fantastic the beer excellent and the food, but," said the Scots, "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why, in Glasgow there is a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th for you."
"Well" says the Englishman "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the fisrt 2."
"Ahhhh that's nothing" says the Irishman "Back home in Dublin there is Ryans bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they will buy you a drink, then another, all the the drinks you like. Then when you have had enough drink they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid: all on the house."
They pour scorn on his claims. He swears every word is true.
"Well" said the Englishman "Did this actually happen to you?"Not myself no," says the Irishman," but it did happen to me sister"

2006-10-29 05:30:35 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-29 05:22:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

2006-10-29 05:18:49 · 19 answers · asked by akelaamy 5

A young lad answers, wearing his mums negligee, stockings, suspenders, Big fat cigar in one hand, glass of wine in the other. "Is your mom in son." he asks. The lad looks up at him and said.........."Does it effin' look like it"

2006-10-29 05:10:49 · 28 answers · asked by steve e 1

A: Drop it 4 feet -- for the first 3 feet it won't break!

2006-10-29 04:50:12 · 23 answers · asked by AARONLEE AND SASHA 3

There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most.What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives...

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down........

(And those of you who thought it would be a dirty ending, Pray for forgiveness you heathens!)

2006-10-29 04:49:52 · 29 answers · asked by Pinky 5

2006-10-29 04:42:20 · 13 answers · asked by sinnedfairy 5

Which 7 of the following 10 anagrams were members of the Magnificent 7 and what are the names of the other 3 - cowboys - listed?

1. wy noah jen
2. vestqu mceven
3. chor lesson bran
4. a chile wall
5. tec wood slant
6. bert groav hun
7. hub torch sholz
8. tar red brex
9. same job curn
10. lyn burn rye

enjoy

2006-10-29 04:38:55 · 8 answers · asked by JAYFIRE 4

Sally and John were in Sunday school. Sally fell asleep in class, and the teacher caught her. So she called on her and asked "Who is the creator of the Earth and the universe?"

John took his pencil, and stabbed her in the butt and Sally jumped up and said, "God almighty!"

So the next time the teacher caught Sally asleep in class, she called on her and asked, "Who is the son of God?"

John once again took his pencil and stabbed her in the butt and she said, "Jesus Christ!"

Once more, the teacher caught Sally asleep in class and asked her, "What did Eve say when she had her 13th child?"

So John stabbed her in the butt, and she jumped up and said, "If you stick that d*mn thing up my @ss one more time, I'll break it in half!"



what do u think? its sorta wrong but funny.

2006-10-29 04:32:08 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Man phones his boss and says, "I'm not coming into work today as I am sick!"

The boss replies, "How sick are you?"

Man says, "I am in bed with my sister!"

2006-10-29 04:20:38 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous

You know the ones that make you laugh so much that you have sew your sides up!

2006-10-29 04:05:14 · 19 answers · asked by carla 2

They both get sucked off in a bog............

2006-10-29 04:04:44 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

In order to achieve this, they are planning on combining teams instead of simply eliminating a few. For instance, they will combine the Tampa Bay Buckaneers with the Green Bay Packers.

HELLUVA TEAM, I tell ya, only a few drawbacks:
The name of the team will be the TAMPACKS. They'll only be good for one period and the is NO second string.

2006-10-29 03:37:17 · 6 answers · asked by Huh? 6

Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"

Taurus: "I'm hungry pass the pizza."

Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"

Cancer: "When are we getting married?"

Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"

Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."

Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."

Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."

Sagittarius: "Don't call me I'll call you."

Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"

Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"

Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"

2006-10-29 03:30:30 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two Americans, Bob and Jeff, decide to open a bungee-jumping business in Mexico.
They set up on the square of a small village. Bob jumps, bounces at the end of the cord, and flies back up by the platform. Jeff isn't able to catch his friend, but he notices he has a few cuts and scratches.

Bob falls again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, Jeff misses him. The third time it happens, Bob comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Jeff finally catches him and says, "Holy cow, what happened? Was the cord too long?"

Bob looks confused and says, "No, the cord was fine... but what the heck is a pinata?"

2006-10-29 03:28:02 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

If it takes a man a week to walk a fortnight, how many apples in a barrel of grapes said the dumb dad to his deaf daughter who wasnt listening anyway.

2006-10-29 03:15:30 · 23 answers · asked by anon4112 3

2006-10-29 03:08:39 · 11 answers · asked by love life 2

limit is 5

2006-10-29 03:07:40 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Signs that you are no longer a kid (or even close)...

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age... And isn't breaking any laws.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"

You have a dream about prunes.

You answer a question with "Because I said so!"

You send money to PBS.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You know what the word equity means.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You got cable for the weather channel.

You can go bowling without drinking.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

2006-10-29 03:01:31 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

There isn't one. They are both virtually useless, but fun as heck to watch when you push them down a flight of stairs.

2006-10-29 02:59:08 · 15 answers · asked by Huh? 6

2006-10-29 02:56:11 · 23 answers · asked by RNM 4