2006-10-29 05:22:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.
He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old *****." So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.
He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos."
2006-10-29 05:48:48 · answer #1 · answered by Deleted 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
A man walks into a bar. Bartender asks what'll have.
Man replies "A Beer and a shot of whiskey before the trouble starts".
Bartender shakes his head and gives him his drinks.
All night, each time the bartender asks for his order the man says "A Beer and a shot of whiskey before the trouble starts".
Finally the bartender asks the man what trouble he's talking about.
The man says "Give me a beer and I might just tell you".
The bartender replies, "Sorry, you've had your limit for the night".
The man says "Ohh, now the trouble starts"..
2006-10-29 06:24:38 · answer #2 · answered by jjtje5 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a red head a blonde and a brunete
there on top of a burning building
the fire men tell the brunet to jump, she jumps they sake away the blanket that they were going to catch her in, she splats on the ground.
They tell the redhear to jump sheresponds "no youre just going to take away the blanket."
"no we just dint like the brunete"
"ok" she sais the take the blanket away and she splats on the ground like a tomato.
They tell the bloned the same thing she responds "oh no youre not getting me with that one put it on the ground step back then ill jump"
theres a bloned a brunete and a red infromt of a magical miror
that will grant you a wish if you tell the truth.
The brunete sais i think im the smartest here
she gets surounded by cash
the red sais i think im the most beutifull one here
she gets a hunky man
so the blonde sais i think...
she gets sucked in to the mirror and dies.
2006-10-29 05:46:57 · answer #3 · answered by Miguel 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Cinderella is now 95 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you Doing here after all these years"?
The fairy godmother replied,
"Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:
"The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.
I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.
Cinderella said,
"Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother"
The fairy godmother replied,
"It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,
"I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
"You have one more wish; what shall it be?"
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said,
"Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life."
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,
the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
For a few eerie moments,
Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...
"Bet you're sorry you neutered me................
2006-10-29 05:46:33 · answer #4 · answered by akelaamy 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
2006-10-29 05:24:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Blond guy joke??
A blond guy, a brunnette guy and a red head guy
take their girlfriends on a triple date to a
restaurant. The brunnette guy say to his
wife, "Pass the honey, honey!" She says ''awww
your sweet!'' The red head thinks ''Man that guys
good'', so he says to his girlfriend, "Pass the
sugar, sugar!" Shes says ''Awww I love you!'' The
blond guy thinks ''wow they are good'', so he says
to his girlfriend, "Pass the pork, pig!"
2006-10-29 13:41:07 · answer #6 · answered by ‹‹тồкỹỌ‗ßõŸ›› 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A brunette and a blonde in a car,the police were following them,the brunette says to the blonde 'Are there lights flashing'...the blonde replies 'Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes .....'
2006-10-29 05:28:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
three asians walk into a class room...wait... two black guys with guns go into a liquor shop...wait...white guy gets to chose two girls, one with a big butt and one without..wait a minute..indian sees a peice of trash on the ground and cries one...nooo...knock knock, whos there, boo, boo who, aww dont cry i wasnt trying to be funny...took me long enough
2006-10-29 05:27:06 · answer #8 · answered by ceesteris 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋