Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

what do you call a black president

riged


what do you call a mexican president

over run

what do you call a islam president

the end


what do you call gearge bush as president

a mistake

2006-10-04 06:11:54 · 6 answers · asked by kingkong9274 3

If so, what would it be?

2006-10-04 06:06:57 · 5 answers · asked by Source 4

A farmer walked into a bar with his pig and ordered a drink. The bartender could not help asking the man why his pig had a peg leg. "Well, you see," said the farmer, "this is an amazing pig. Why, two years ago, my son was chopping wood in the field when a tree collapsed on him, pinning him to the ground and making breathing difficult. The pig, which was in the area, ran to get assistance and, squealing loudly, led us to my son to rescue him."

"You're right, that is an amazing story. But why does your pig have a peg leg?"

This is no ordinary pig," the farmer continued. "One night while we were sleeping, our barn caught fire and the pig managed to squeeze through a little hole in the wall and circle our house, squealing as loud as it could to wake us up. We were able to save all of the animals."
"Okay, okay! The pig is amazing. But why the peg leg?" the bartender demanded.

"An amazing pig like this. You can't eat it all at once."

2006-10-04 05:59:19 · 10 answers · asked by Wilson Wilson 3

"My wife said she likes to hear my voice during sex; last night she called me from a Motel".

2006-10-04 05:47:50 · 13 answers · asked by Raymond 6

She feels very anxious as she's never had to do this before, and is quite young and nieve. Gyno, an older man in his fifties tries to put her at ease with his friendly chit chat and easy going kinda way. "hop up on the couch dear" exclaims the doc, "oh, ok" say's the girl, feeling very awkward and embarrased, so she does removing her knicks before her ascent. " Right then, what seems to be the matter" says doc as he switches on his quack light to explore the cause of the problem. The young girl explains that she has been having occasional pain whilst going for number ones and the doc interupts and says, " Ah yes, I think I can see what the problem is, but I'm going to have to numb this area before I start" "Okay" says the girl, relieved that the analysis has been so swift and she can soon leave. The doc bends over, takes a deep breath and then... num num num num num num num num.

2006-10-04 05:40:14 · 9 answers · asked by mizzsquitz 3

2006-10-04 05:39:15 · 26 answers · asked by barrettins 3

I guess one for me would be now picture this someone walking into a glass door or slipping on the Ice. I know it hurts but you will laugh then ask hey are you alright.

2006-10-04 05:38:56 · 10 answers · asked by Just me 2

three bats were hanging at a perch when the first one said: "watch this!" so he flew in the darkness did some acrobatics and came back with blood on his lips. "what was that?" asked the other bats. "see that cow over there? it was me" the second bat said: "watch this!" he flew in the darkness did a double loop and came back with blood on his lips. "see tha chicken over there? it was me!" so the third bat said: "watch this!" he flies into the darkness, do some aerial stunts, loops and everything and comes back with blood on his lips. "what was that?" asked the two bats. "see that wall over there? i didn't!"

2006-10-04 05:37:19 · 5 answers · asked by jqdsilva 3

If an electric train is heading North at 55 miles per hour and the wind is blowing south at 35 miles per hour which way is the smoke blowing?

2006-10-04 05:31:23 · 12 answers · asked by Just me 2

To put on my creation! He needs a head!
http://prikola.net/content/pic/selection/75/5.jpg

2006-10-04 05:30:07 · 7 answers · asked by ? 6

yo mama so......best one gets ten points.

2006-10-04 05:28:29 · 13 answers · asked by jqdsilva 3

two buddies were standing by an icy lake whaen they saw an american, a french, and a brazilian satnding on the other side. so one made a bet: "i'll give you $100 if you get those three to jump in the water". without hesitating the other men went over to the other side. his buddy was watching from the far side when he saw that the three men jumped in the water. his friend came back. the dare buddy: "okay, i'll give you the money. but tell me, how'ddya do it?" "easy: i told the american it was the law, the french that it was fashion, and the brazilian i told him it was illegal!"

2006-10-04 05:25:39 · 7 answers · asked by jqdsilva 3

*Nobody has invitations...only maps
*Family orders the invitations 3 months in advance and mails them
out a day before...then calls "No entiendo porque no te ha llegado"
*An average of 12 people attend per invitation.
*Latinos never RSVP !!!
*No one goes to church for the wedding, but everyone goes to
the reception.
*All the centerpieces are gone... and the reception has just Started.
*Everyone's kids are running around crazy and all you want to
do Is throw a bottle at them.
*La comida has rice and beans and macaroni salad.
*People are taking food plates home..."para mañana."
*People are taking huge pieces of cake home...and telling
others "alla hay mas."
*One of the relatives is drunk and hugging everyone telling Them..."te
quiero mucho." *The dollar dance lasts over an hour with the same tune...and that's only with relatives.*There are seven bridesmaids. And seven sets of "padrinos" *Everyone wants to be a "Madrina"

2006-10-04 05:23:59 · 3 answers · asked by 1 3

Jackson is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is this gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward Jackson. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterward, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. Jackson is amazed. Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

2006-10-04 05:14:20 · 11 answers · asked by Phoenix Rising 6

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court last Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use, and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court next Monday."

Monday, the two guys were back in court. The judge asked the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." The judge was quite impressed and said, "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"

The first guy said, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:

O o

"And told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," replied the judge.

"And you, how did you do?" the judge asked the second guy.

"Well, your honor I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" The second guy answered, "I used a similar approach." (He draws two circles)

o O

The second guy continued, "Well, I said, (pointing to the small circle) this is your asshole before prison."

2006-10-04 05:02:45 · 13 answers · asked by Phoenix Rising 6

2006-10-04 04:53:05 · 19 answers · asked by Nicolette G 2

LET'S SEE IF YOU GUYS CAN FIGURE THIS ONE OUT!!!
This is an IQ test given to job applicants in China: "Everybody has to cross the river".
The following rules apply:
1. Only 2 persons maximum on the raft at a time
2. The father can not stay with any of the daughters without their mother's presence
3. The mother can not stay with any of the sons without their father's presence
4. The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member if the Policeman is not there
5. Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft
6. To start click on the big blue circle on the right.
7. To move the people click on them.
8. To move the raft click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.

2006-10-04 04:42:43 · 20 answers · asked by biggsy 1

i'v written my car off today and i'm in desperate need of a laugh!!
can you help to put a smile on my face?

2006-10-04 04:38:23 · 30 answers · asked by Mrs Chicagosgirl!! 5

This is class!
> >
> >I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been
> >together for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

> >There was only one thing bothering me...it was her beautiful younger
> >sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight
> >mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view.
> >
> >One day "little sister" called and asked me to come over to check the
> >wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

> >She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
> >married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock
> >and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom,
> >and if you want one last wild fling, just come up."
> >
> >I was stunned and frozen in shock, as I watched her go up the stairs. I
> >stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the
> >front door, I opened the door, and headed straight toward my car.
> >
> >Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all
> >clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father in-law hugged me and said,
> >"We are very happy that you have passed our little test.... we couldn't
> >ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
> >
> >And the moral of this story
> >is..> >.Always keep your condoms in your car.
> >
> >

2006-10-04 04:37:45 · 28 answers · asked by biggsy 1

i got one, your mom is so fat that she has to use a mattress as a maxi pad! HAHA LOL

2006-10-04 04:19:52 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Anyone have any good ideas for a practical joke I can play on a co worker? He has already peirced my water bottle and changed the keys on my keyborad I want to get him back now!

2006-10-04 04:08:38 · 13 answers · asked by northfaceexplorer 1

2006-10-04 03:47:58 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

that's the joke. post a joke here and the best one will be chosen as the best answer.

2006-10-04 03:42:54 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

This boy goes to his hippie mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

"Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named "Mighty Storm"?

"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."

"Why is my sister named "Cornflower"?

"Well, your father and I were in a cornfield, when we made her."

"And why is my other sister called "Moonchild"?

"We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived. Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"

2006-10-04 03:23:54 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Texan were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager, "he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
”Ahhhhh!”
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
”AHHHHH!”
The Texan suddenly has a case of diarrhea & rushes out of the sauna, returning a few minutes later with a long piece of toilet paper hanging from his @ss. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.
???????
The Texan says "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."

2006-10-04 03:14:00 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tell me some really hurtful sayings or comebacks or jokes. For example:

I hope you get run over by a semi trailer leaving you paralysed from the neck down so you are in a vegitative state and then when you are helpless leave you unattended in a dark room where you are repeatedly stabbed in the eyes with syringes filled with aids.

Anything will do I just want some replies.

2006-10-04 02:54:50 · 16 answers · asked by master_betty_101 2

2006-10-04 02:51:59 · 21 answers · asked by softballcutie08 1

what do u fink the answer is? also give a a short joke with ur answer!

2006-10-04 02:43:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I think this one is good, but you'll only get it if you live in England (most parts)

'Why are Indians crap at football?

Coz everytime they get a corner.... they open a shop!'


lol! that's gold.

2006-10-04 02:29:39 · 34 answers · asked by jewl 32 2

Jack was at the country club for his weekly round of golf and what a round it was: he began with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on two. On three, he scored his first hole-in-one.


Then his cell phone rang. It was his doctor, who said, "Your wife has been in a terrible accident and is in critical condition in the Intensive Care Unit."


"I'll be there as soon as possible!" said Jack ...but as he hung up, he realized this might just the best round of golf of his life. "Maybe just a couple more holes wouldn't hurt," he thought.


By the time he finished the eighteenth hole, he had shattered the club record with a 61! Although jubilant, he also felt guilty about ignoring his wife. He dashed into the hospital and found the doctor in the corridor.


"Doc! I got here as fast as I could. How is she?"


The doctor glared at him. "You *******! You finished your round of golf, didn't you? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out there enjoying yourself, Annie has languished in the ICU! For the rest of her life, she's going to require fulltime medical care ....from you!"


Jack felt so guilty that he broke down in tears.


The doctor snickered. "Nah, just kidding! She died two hours ago. How'd you shoot?"

2006-10-04 01:59:21 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous