Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Who plays Shego from Kim Possible on Disney channel?

2006-10-04 01:48:16 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'

The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, 'Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!'

2006-10-04 01:47:38 · 5 answers · asked by EL Big Ed 6

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.

The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the drunk says.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused,the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out..........

"Holy ssshit ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!"

2006-10-04 01:42:54 · 15 answers · asked by Krazykraut 3

2006-10-04 01:34:21 · 32 answers · asked by Simon J 3

A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture of the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously.

Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Shiiiit! From way back thar, I thought you was sayin "Goats.”

2006-10-04 01:32:16 · 8 answers · asked by Krazykraut 3

2006-10-04 01:20:19 · 14 answers · asked by Purplgirl 5

i need some funny jokes, aviation related, or winter related

2006-10-04 01:07:46 · 2 answers · asked by shanee 1

2006-10-04 01:03:49 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-04 01:03:39 · 2 answers · asked by linza grace varghese chazhoors 1

2006-10-04 01:03:38 · 8 answers · asked by MIMSTRIK 1

2006-10-04 00:59:43 · 23 answers · asked by lorzee87 2

2006-10-04 00:51:25 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy and lady who just finished doing sex. After sometime both of the felt very hungry. It was freakin' freezing night and so was the house so they both have an argument over who should go get the food.
After a while they decide to have a contest. Whoever can come up with the best poem would be the one to stay in bed.
They thought for a while when the guy says, "Okay, I got one. Two times two is four plus five is nine, I can pee in yours but you can't pee in mine".
So she thinks for a minute and says, "Okay two times two is four plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you'll never know the depth of mine."

2006-10-04 00:20:35 · 17 answers · asked by Pd 6

some people don't know where they are and think the comments are serious and then tell me to go f**k myself.

THE FRENCH:

Take caution if they ever enter your place.
For the French are a most unusual race.
They eat snails for supper
and never say grace,
They fight with their feet,
and f*ck with their face.

Famous Last Words
"They couldn't hit the broad side of a barn from th..."
( A confederate general said to one of his officers as he watched the union army set their cannons up too far away. He didn't get to finish because a union cannonball took his head off. )
I'll get a world record for this.
Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.
Hey there's no handles inside these car doors!
Gee, that's a cute tattoo.
Here's my Kent State student ID.
It's fireproof.
He's probably just hibernating.
What does this button do?
I'm making a citizen's arrest.
Can we get a vision plan?
So, you're a cannibal.
It's probably just a rash.
Why am I standing on a plastic sheet?
Are you sure the power is off?
Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
No, my shoes aren't untied.
The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
What do you mean, "I'll be back"?
Why is the rest of the Star Trek landing party wearing a different color?
Pull the pin and count to what?
Which wire was I supposed to cut?
I wonder where the mother bear is.
Where did all those F#*@king indians come from?
I've seen this done on TV.
These are the good kind of mushrooms.
I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
What's that priest doing here?
Hi O. J., I'm here to see your ex-wife
Only an idiot would ski into a tree.
Let it down slowly.
Rat poison only kills rats.
OK, I'll go ahead and make your day.
It can't possibly rain for forty days and nights.
I'll get your toast out.
Give me liberty or give me death.
Just take whatever you want, this is a ghost town.
The FBI just came over the ridge.
It's strong enough for both of us.
This doesn't taste right.
I can make this light before it changes.
Nice doggie.
I can do that with my eyes closed.
I've done this before.
This kool-aid tastes funny.
Well we've made it this far.
That's odd.
Hey that's not a violin.
I'll just slip into the commuter lane for a second.
I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?
OK this is the last time.
Don't be so superstitious.
Now watch this.
This planet has an atmosphere just like on earth.
That birthmark on your head looks like 999.
What duck?

2006-10-04 00:02:04 · 18 answers · asked by al p 3

Q: How do you confuse an archaeologist?

2006-10-03 23:59:14 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

And why can't I find a Books sections for Yahoo Answers?

2006-10-03 23:58:20 · 14 answers · asked by cottoncox 2

2006-10-03 23:33:19 · 4 answers · asked by Little Miss 1

my sign says keep right what shoud i do?

2006-10-03 23:02:30 · 11 answers · asked by what is the good word? 4

I need some anti-english jokes or jokes that show the english in a bad light.
For example:
Q - How many englishman does it take to stop a train?
A - NOT ENOUGH

2006-10-03 22:59:47 · 34 answers · asked by Helen M 1

2006-10-03 22:56:33 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

please help me

2006-10-03 22:51:55 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

i am in the seas,i am in the sky and in the colours also.

2006-10-03 22:38:21 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-03 22:38:08 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-03 22:38:01 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hello Peeps i need some laughter in my life cos i have to journey to that cosmopolitan town of Hammersmith and the thought of it fills me with dread. To many people rushing around. I wouldn't go except i have a meeting there. So can anyone out there make me laughter or at least bring a smile to my lips it will make my journey bearable.

2006-10-03 22:22:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say CAN and WILL be held against you. The drunk replies, "T i t s !" :)

2006-10-03 21:42:18 · 14 answers · asked by belyndabeth 2

I've always heard people refer to their lives as being like a glass half empty or a glass half full..... it would be the same either way, so why would it really make a difference?

2006-10-03 21:37:53 · 11 answers · asked by Me_Myself_&_I 3

A woman in her fifties went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The
surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a
small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned
to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift.
Of course the woman wanted "The Knob."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob and the
effects were wonderful. The woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two
problems.
"All of these years, everything has been working just fine I have
turned the knob many times and have been very pleased with the results.
But now, I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these
terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those
are your breasts."
She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."

2006-10-03 21:10:25 · 8 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

I walk with all 4 in the begininng.
Then walk on 2 legs later.
At the end I walk on with 3 legs.

2006-10-03 21:04:22 · 14 answers · asked by moviehound007 1

The rules for combat:

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.

The easy way is always mined.

Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

When in doubt empty the magazine.

Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.

Five second fuses only last three seconds.

It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed


Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in
high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity
with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to
both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on
the East coast, and the guy went to the West coast. They agreed to be
faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together.

As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be
home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters.
Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.

Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't
take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails
trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a
new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

So, what she did is this - she took a polaroid picture of her sucking
her new boyfriend's unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend
with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone."

Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was
angry. So, he decided to get even with her.

He wrote on the back of the photo the following, "Dear Mom and Dad,
having a great time at college, please send more money!" and mailed
the picture to her parents.

2006-10-03 21:01:16 · 10 answers · asked by al p 3