Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

1. The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.




2. Wearing headphones for 1 hour will increase the bacteria in you ear by 700 times.




3. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end due to the rate of reproduction.




4. The average human body contains enough sulfur to kill all the fleas on an average dog.




5. You are more likely to be target for mosquitos if you eat bananas.




6. The average person's left hand does 56of the typing.




7. In medieval England, beer was often served with breakfast.




8. The first man-made item to exceed the speed of sound was a leather whip.




9. The most common non-contagious disease in the world is tooth decay.




10. A cat's jaw can not move sideways.




11. The names of all the continents end with the same letter they started with.




12. If you stood at the bottom of a well, you would be able to see the stars even during the daytime.




13. Grapes will explode if you put them in the microwave.




14. Starfish do not have brains.




15. Cats have better memories than dogs.




16. The largest number of children born to one woman is 69.




17. If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.




18. Clouds fly higher during the day than at night.




19. One human brain generates more electrical impulses in one day than all the world's telephones put together.




20. The Bloodhound is the only animal whose evidence is admissable in an American court.




21. On average 13 people die each year from vending machines falling on them.




22. An elephant can throw a baseball faster than a human.




23. Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.




24. Mozart wrote "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" when he was 5 years old.




25. There are 3 golf balls sitting on the moon.




26. A zebra is white with black stripes, not black with white stripes.




27. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than a spider.




28. A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.




29. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.




30. The total length of eyelashes shed by a human in thier lifetime is over 30 metres.

2006-10-03 11:18:48 · 36 answers · asked by Dont call me retarded 1

dude walks in the bar , in a hoarse voice orders a beer. the bar-keep says whats wrong w/ your speaker. he explains he was golfing when he hit the ball over into a field. while over there he met a woman looking for her ball as well. they went around a clump of bushes and seen a cow w/ it's tail straight up and a golf ball stuck in it's @ss. he said," i ask her if that looked like hers and she hit me in the throat w/ a nine iron!"

2006-10-03 11:18:15 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

the other day i was watching Phil of the Future (don't make fun) and Keely said to Phil that she doesn't get a joke that the math geeks told her: How many times can the punchline be, 1101001? But, Phil started laughing. I don't get it!
I know it has to do something with binary numbers, my big bro even figured it out but didn't laugh. And he's a REAL easy laugher!

2006-10-03 11:11:07 · 6 answers · asked by ☆ Sarah ☆ 4

What is black when you buy it,
red when you use it,
and gray when you throw it away?

2006-10-03 11:07:03 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-03 11:01:28 · 3 answers · asked by BMac 3

what came first the chicken or the egg????

2006-10-03 10:53:43 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey...

He sits down and orders a drink. While he's drinking the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey picks up some olives off the bar and eats them. Then, he grabs some sliced limes and eats them too. As if that wasn't enough, he then jumps up onto the pool table, grabs the cue ball and swallows it whole! The bartender shouts at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - and swallowed it whole!" says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the man.
"He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for what he eats, cue ball and all."
The patron finishes his drink, pays his tab and leaves.
Two weeks later, the same guy and his monkey are in the bar again. He orders a drink and, sure enough, the monkey starts running around the bar again.
The monkey happens upon a dish of maraschino cherries on the bar. So, he grabs a cherry, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it.
The completely disgusted bartender exclaims, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?" responds the monkey's owner.
"Your monkey just stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!"
" Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the guy, "Ever since he ate that damned cue ball, he measures everything first.

2006-10-03 10:53:19 · 21 answers · asked by veri 1

james told his girlfriend, 'there’s one word you could say that would make me the happiest dude around when I ask you the question, "will you marry me?"'
'no' said the girl
'thanks,' said james. 'that was the word.'

2006-10-03 10:52:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Peter killed someone, he is a murderer. peter was guilty & David was innosent. They went to court. After a while, they came out. The lawyers found out Peter was the murderer but they arrest david, why?

2006-10-03 10:49:46 · 24 answers · asked by The Riddler 1

What is it that rich people need....poor people have.....greater than God and more evil than the Devil................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Nothing!!!

2006-10-03 10:40:11 · 18 answers · asked by Amber R 4

There is 2 cats sitting in a room. In front of each cat is a cat staring back at him. How many cats is there in the room?

2006-10-03 10:38:58 · 58 answers · asked by Appel 1

I don’t know. its never happened

2006-10-03 10:35:04 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-03 10:28:51 · 34 answers · asked by L.R.O. 3

post here you rude and clean limericks the one that makes me laugh the most get 10points. best ones gets posted on www.myspace.com/fbiknow

2006-10-03 10:27:08 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 fathers and 2 sons walk into a pub, at the bar they order 3 pints of lager, but they have a pint each??? how's this possible?

2006-10-03 10:23:32 · 28 answers · asked by ritchie.rich_1 2

i wanna scare my sister to get her back for what she did to me. and i'm gonna get it all on tape too! lol i'm so mean

2006-10-03 10:22:59 · 6 answers · asked by ♥Sasha♥ 2

1.What city has no people?
>Electricity

2.Why did the clock in the cafeteria always run slow?
>Every lunch it went back four second!

3.Why was the baby ant confused?
>All his uncles were ants!

4.What flowers do you always wear?
>TwoLips

5.What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
>A jeweler sells watches and a jailer watches cells

6.If you drop a yellow hat in the Red Sea, what does it become?
>Wet

7.What 11-letter English word does everyone pronounce incorrectly?
>Incorrectly !

8.What is the largest living ant in the world?
>ElephAnt

9.Why didn't the lady run away from the attacking lion?
>They told her it was a maneating lion !

10.Would you rather have a tiger eat you or a lion?
>I'd rather have a tiger eat a lion

11.What has 3 heads, is ugly, and smells bad?
>Oops, my mistake, you don't have three heads !

2006-10-03 10:01:08 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

like the one in my avatar and the picture in this link?

http://www.beyondbellydance.com/site_images/jenna&mel&aasal.jpg

2006-10-03 09:58:01 · 10 answers · asked by Belly-Stabber 1

a couple go to a bull auction in the country one weekend. the auctioneer begins his spiel for the first bull. he says, 'a fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.'
the wife nudges her husband and says, 'wow-more than five times a month!'
the auctioneer then calls out, 'another fine specimen, this bull reproduced 120 times last year.'
again the wife nudges her husband. 'hey, that 10 times a month. what do you say about that?!'
her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison
the third bull is up for sale: 'and this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!'
the wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, 'that’s once a day! how about YOU?!'
the husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, 'big deal, once a day!
I bet he didn’t have to do with the same cow!'

2006-10-03 09:32:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-03 09:26:16 · 13 answers · asked by laura 1

if a car is travelling at say 40miles an hour how fast is the bottom of the wheel travelling in relation to the ground? with the wheel spinning, it seems to me that the bottom bit is travelling backwards and therefore cancells out the forward motion of the car... hmmm...

2006-10-03 09:21:28 · 27 answers · asked by wildmanski 2

a old fellow and his partner was in a cafa one night and a cop was sitting down behind them overhearing their conversation he hears the old fellow who is about 90 saying to his partner who is the same age lets have sex so they go out side and the cop follows them out and they are at it like rabbites the cop is amased jesus he says they are going like that for the last 20 mins hell i wish i could go that long so when they finish he calls the old fellow over and asks him how the hell can you go like that for so long well he says the last time i was here that fence was not ******* electrified

2006-10-03 09:19:20 · 8 answers · asked by theirsgoldinthemtheirhills 1

Many things can create one, it can be of any shape or size, it is created for various reasons, and it can shrink or grow with time. What is it?


They have not flesh, nor feathers, nor scales, nor bone. Yet they have fingers and thumbs of their own. What are they?

What can be heard and caught but never seen?

2006-10-03 09:18:28 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) ,

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) .

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.


SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.



Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical .

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL : The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL : The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.



SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man
with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!

2006-10-03 09:17:55 · 20 answers · asked by wee stoater 4

ok so i seen the show scrubs the other day and i did not see the end and there was a question asked and i would like to know if there is an answer

how do you make 30 cents using TWO coins and not using a nickel?????????????????????

2006-10-03 09:17:12 · 5 answers · asked by Brittany 3

> A riddle for the day
>
> Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
>
> Michael J. Fox has a small one.
>
> Madonna doesn't have one.
>
> The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
>
> Clinton uses his all the time.
>
> Bush is one
>
> Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
>
> Liberace never used his on women.
>
> Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
>
> Cher claims that she took on 3.
>
> We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
>
> What is it?

2006-10-03 09:16:53 · 13 answers · asked by babyblue 2

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Asda with her
two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the
entrance.

The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Asda, nice children
you've got there. Are they twins?"

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:


"Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest, he's nine and the younger one,
she's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you really
think they look alike, ya ********?"


"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone
would f*ck you twice!"

2006-10-03 09:16:12 · 25 answers · asked by wee stoater 4

the taste...

2006-10-03 09:11:46 · 7 answers · asked by darkpony6262 3

2006-10-03 09:03:15 · 12 answers · asked by juany 1

The other day April and I took off to do a little window-shopping. I didn't care that much for the merchandise in the windows, but every now and again, a female sales clerk would catch my eye.
April caught me at it. "You're like a kid in a candy store!"
"Yeah, well, since I'm married to you, I'm like a kid with diabetes in a candy store."
***********
One of my friend got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a police officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial, and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began.
Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"
The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket."

2006-10-03 09:03:04 · 9 answers · asked by Pd 6