Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

I wanna hear some good jokes! Don't worry about being offensive, I don't care. I wanna laugh. It's been a long time since I've heard a funny joke! Bring it on...

2006-10-03 15:40:31 · 13 answers · asked by jess l 5

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

2006-10-03 15:36:29 · 43 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-10-03 15:11:17 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

and no it's not from the movie.
I will post answer in two hours if no one has it right)

2006-10-03 15:09:01 · 8 answers · asked by al p 3

railroad crossing watch out for cars. How do you spell it without any r's.

2006-10-03 15:04:17 · 14 answers · asked by heath 2

what am i?
the beginning of the end.
the end of time and space
the begining of eternity
and the end of every place

2006-10-03 15:03:52 · 24 answers · asked by likely suspect 2

2006-10-03 15:00:18 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

i have in my hand 2 coins. One is not a Nickel and it adds up to 55 cents

what are the 2 coins?

2006-10-03 14:55:42 · 23 answers · asked by Stiverson. 2

You have a dime in a empty wine bottle the bottle is corked. how canyou get the dime out with out damaging the bottle or taking the cork out?

2006-10-03 14:43:36 · 13 answers · asked by Stiverson. 2

What is somthing you can only lose once. And you can never get it back.

2006-10-03 14:39:07 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A priest and a rabbi were traveling on a plane.

After a while the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb and tasted pork."

The priest nodded in understanding and went back to his reading.

After a while the rabbi asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your faith that you remain celibate?"

The priest replied, "Yes that is still very much a part of our faith."

The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?"

The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot better than pork isn't it?"

2006-10-03 14:34:35 · 10 answers · asked by Woody 3

Two southern girls were sitting on their front porch one evening.

One girl had just arrived back from New York and she was telling her girlfriend about some of the sites she had seen in the big city.

In a heavy southern drawl, she says, "You know, they have women up there who have sex with other women."

In a whispered voice, her friend replies, "Oh, my! What do they call them?"

"They call them lesbians. "And there's men who have sex with other men," says the woman. "They call them homosexuals."

Then, she pauses, lowers her voice even more and says, "And, they have these men up there that will put their face in a woman's privates and kiss all around...

"Do tell!"gasps her friend, "What do they call them?"

"Heck if I know, I just patted him on the head and called him Precious."

2006-10-03 14:32:45 · 12 answers · asked by Woody 3

quid pro quo. think.

2006-10-03 14:27:42 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Dispatcher: "9-1-1, what's your emergency?"


Caller: "I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner."


Dispatcher: "Do you have an address?"


Caller: "No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?"



2. Dispatcher: "9-1-1, what's the nature of your emergency?"


Caller: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"


Dispatcher: "Is this her first child?"


Caller: "No, you idiot! This is her husband!"



3. Dispatcher: "9-1-1, what's the nature of your emergency?"


Caller: "Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath ... I think I'm going to pass out."


Dispatcher: "Sir, where are you calling from?"


Caller: "I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster."


Dispatcher: "Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?"


Caller: "No."


Dispatcher: "What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?"


Caller: "Running from the police."

2006-10-03 14:26:26 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-03 14:14:34 · 6 answers · asked by hwlin76 2

2006-10-03 14:12:30 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

its a homework assignment don't ask

2006-10-03 14:07:09 · 19 answers · asked by hwlin76 2

what arich man wants, what a poor man has, what is more important than God and more evil than Satin

2006-10-03 13:48:38 · 27 answers · asked by JR 2

Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. The men thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world.

With a poof! the wish was granted. All of a sudden, one of the men got really angry.

"Dammit! Now we have to piss in the boat!"

2006-10-03 13:35:14 · 14 answers · asked by Red Yeti 5

3 scientists are exploring a jungle,when they come across an elephant.they wonder,"what would happen if we plugged up the elephant's butt?" they stick a cork up the elephant's butt,and leave it to go explore another part of the jungle.during the time that they left the elephant,they were training a monkey to take the cork out of a bottle,and a banana would pop out of the bottle if the monkey succeeded.about 8 months later, the scientists went back to that very same spot,bringing the monkey with them.they found the elephant,as huge as a whale.they let the monkey go take the cork out.and at the moment the cork comes out,THE CR*P JUST GOES FLYIN' EVERYWHERE!!!when the giant explosion of cr*p ends,EVERYTHING around the elephant was covered with cr*p!one of the scientists is LAUGHING.the 2 other ones look at him like he's crazy,and ask,"why are you laughing? you're covered with elephant cr*p!!!" the scientist laughs harder and says, "YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK IN THE MONKEY'S FACE!!!"

2006-10-03 13:18:48 · 9 answers · asked by tanjeriney 5

There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten
were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get
off because if they didn’t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No
one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off."
After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all
of the blondes started
Clapping.

2006-10-03 13:12:56 · 19 answers · asked by G 1

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)

2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)

3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)

4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)

5. Why do people say, "you've been working like adog" when dogs just sitaround all day? (I think they meant something else)

6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)

7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)

8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by oneseyes)

9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stayand watch)

10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oilis made from vegetables,then what is baby oil made from?
(No comments)

11. What should one call a male ladybird? (Nocomments)

12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they rememberthat they forgot?
(can somebody help )

13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)

14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)

15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! Able to hear it?
(got to think scientifically)

16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

17. Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)

18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any
road?

19. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in Bars?

2006-10-03 13:07:57 · 12 answers · asked by nono 3

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person cannnot do it! This is really difficult, not so easy so be careful .


This is THIS cat
This is IS cat
. This is HOW cat
. This is TO cat
. This is KEEP cat
. This is A cat
This is FOOL cat
. This is BUSY cat
. This is FOR cat
. This is FORTY cat
. This is SECONDS cat



Now please go back and read the third word in each line from the top down, and I bet you can't resist passing it on.

How do you rate this out of 10 ?

2006-10-03 13:06:22 · 12 answers · asked by suresh k 6

What is the difference between a man and a bird?.....A man can't whistle through his pecker.

2006-10-03 12:43:08 · 14 answers · asked by CJBig 5

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer starts with the basics.
"So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.
"And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup.
"Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks -
"What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead...
" I was just running through that song -
'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...' "

2006-10-03 12:22:40 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-03 11:58:39 · 42 answers · asked by bob 2

2006-10-03 11:50:24 · 5 answers · asked by Tony H 1

First one to get it right gets 10 points. What is rude rhyming slang for two bob bit?

2006-10-03 11:35:18 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-03 11:33:44 · 24 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2006-10-03 11:26:41 · 14 answers · asked by Kim H 1