Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

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two cats are running a race ones name is one two three the second one is un du twa who wins the race

2006-10-04 12:56:54 · 45 answers · asked by Emily 3

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and
because they are THE Seven Dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.

Dopey leads the pack.
"Dopey, my son," asks the Pope, "what can I do for you?"

Dopey replies, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in
Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers,
"No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back to the Pope, asking, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns
in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No",
Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Dopey turns back to the Holy Father a final time and demands, "Mr. Pope! Are
there ANY dwarf nuns ANYWHERE in the world?"

"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor,
tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......

"Dopey screwed a penguin!"...... "Dopey screwed a penguin!".

2006-10-04 12:53:35 · 9 answers · asked by hoagie13365 3

This riddle has really got me stuck, I can't figure it out.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-04 12:53:20 · 21 answers · asked by Lauren J 1

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough
to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.
In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer
Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?,"
questioned the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the......."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
fine!'"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such
bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

2006-10-04 12:09:44 · 13 answers · asked by al p 3

If a bra is an upper decker flopper stopper, and a jock strap is a lower decker nacker checker. what do you call a japanese table tennis player whoes father has dysentry

2006-10-04 12:00:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

says she gave me a C! i ought to slap her face! the 2nd boy says she gave me a D! id like to bust her in the eye! the 3rd says she gave me an F! id like to kick her in the nuts!

2006-10-04 11:36:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok guys try saying this 10 times! fast as you can


black bat blood
black bat blood
black bat blood
black bat blood
black bat blood
black bat blood
black bat blood
black bat blood
black bat blood
black bat blood

how you do?

2006-10-04 11:33:00 · 20 answers · asked by XO.ME.ALL.NITE 1

2006-10-04 11:07:36 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-04 11:02:06 · 10 answers · asked by Gina M 1

2006-10-04 10:58:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Cleaned out my clothes wardrobe yesterday..guess what yes i found a skeleton..

But all has been revealed....he was the hide and seek champion of 1999.......................

2006-10-04 10:46:53 · 7 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

A big tough Mexican man married a good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

"Honey, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?"

His lovely new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at eight o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."

2006-10-04 10:45:13 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jose arrives at the Mexican border on his bike with 2 huge bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks: "What's in the bags?"

"Senior, It's only sand." replies Jose.

"Sand??? Well, we'll just see about that - get off the bike!"

The guard takes the bags, rips them open, empties them out and finds nothing in them...except sand. Detaining Jose overnight, the sand is analysed, but only to discover it is in fact simply sand.

Jose is released, the sand is put into new bags and placed on Jose's shoulders, and he is let across the border.

Next day, same thing happens. The guard asks: "What you got there?"

"Sand," says Jose.

A thorough examination of the bags again shows there to be nothing but sand, and subsequently Jose is allowed to ride across the border.

For a whole year this continues until one day Jose doesn't show up, and the guard discovers him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Bud," says the guard, "I know you're smuggling something. For a year it's driven me crazy. It's all I can think about... I can't get sleep, the kids are getting neglected...heck, even the dog senses I'm beginning to lose it! Between you and me, just what are you smuggling?"

Jose sips his beer, smiles and replies: "Bicycles..."

2006-10-04 10:36:28 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

For example:

madder than a skinhead watching the Jeffersons

slicker than come on a Q-Ball

tighter than 2 coats of paint

rougher than a stuco bathtub

2006-10-04 10:27:46 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"

The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response.

Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He just looked at her and said, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him," she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband.

"Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?

2006-10-04 10:27:20 · 22 answers · asked by Red Yeti 5

I never get hit even though I'm used to bat with. I am near a ball, but that ball is never thrown. What am I?

NO CHEATERS (i changed the words around so you cant search for the answer) hahahahha take that you cheater!

2006-10-04 10:06:04 · 18 answers · asked by Sally Pepsi 4

Ex: "Don't even start with me, you won't win!", "Whatever!"

2006-10-04 09:54:16 · 12 answers · asked by Bobby Lee 1

how can u tell the doughboy is a boy?.............cause if u look under his apron he has "doughnuts"! HAHAHA LOL

2006-10-04 09:52:16 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Republicans quashed it saying they prefer the pages bent over.

2006-10-04 09:44:20 · 8 answers · asked by al p 3

I've been sent an Excel quiz that's all about popular bands & artists in the music industry - there's a cryptic clue and I have to figure out the name of the band or artist; for example
Clue: "Dorothy's dog"
Answer: "Toto"

I'm seriously stuck on some of the questions (each one is a different question - they're not all leading to the same thing), so if you think you know the answers - please let me know? And if you could put the clue next to your answer, that'd really help me too. Thanks in advance

# American Barley
# Sweet knoll mob
# Blunt lazer gun
# Visually impaired fruit
# The King's cigar
# Doorman Carries Fuel for Fire
# The pole paints an Irish dish
# Place where extraterrestrial breeds insects
# Frozen rain
# The flooring encourages Al
# Applaud the viking 100 times
# Turn over an American sweet
# Slim Scottish godfather
# Sibling after
# Seasoned young females
# No ears for music
# Excessive
# Residential Birds
# Scottish mallet
# People in exile

2006-10-04 09:33:37 · 11 answers · asked by squirrellondon 4

I remember hearing a limmerick with this line the second to last. The last being the punch line, of course.
Does this ring a bell with anybody, or is it just my imagination?

2006-10-04 09:33:20 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bilding a Bridge is like haveing Sex.if u dont have a Good partner u better have a good hand

2006-10-04 09:32:40 · 24 answers · asked by RuffRyder 1

2006-10-04 09:20:08 · 16 answers · asked by MIMSTRIK 1

2006-10-04 09:09:56 · 15 answers · asked by blackhawk 2

riddle

2006-10-04 09:07:16 · 16 answers · asked by Ali A 1

when my mate came home from work the other day he went upstairs and found his wife in bed with his best friend, he was gutted, really sad, "come on Rover he said get out of that bed..

2006-10-04 09:06:59 · 25 answers · asked by chris w. 7

a passing motorist stops and takes a look at the engine and says " you've blown a seal boyo" eskimo says " so what, you f**k sheep.

2006-10-04 08:54:07 · 13 answers · asked by mine of useless information 1

turns out he was just allergic to wool.

2006-10-04 08:50:52 · 10 answers · asked by mine of useless information 1

Timmy was on his way to school with a pocket full of firecrackers and was slow blowing things up on the way to school. Two blocks away Timmy sees the schools pond and rembers all of the frogs. Timmy ran to the pond and started his mayhem. After ten mins. the teacher askes the kids if they have seen Timmy. A little boy said yes he is out by the pond. The teacher looks out and sees Timmy. Once Timmy finally comes in the teacher asks Timmy What he was doing. So he told her that he was taking his firecrackers and sticking them up frog's @sses. The teacher interupts him and says "Rectum Timmy Rectum" Timmy replies reck them......H*ell no, I destroyed them.

2006-10-04 08:50:09 · 8 answers · asked by Rhenos 1

during the game they are discussing how they managed to get away from their wives for the day. 1st guy says," you have no idea how hard it was for me to come golfing today, i had to promise the wife i'd decorate the house next weekend." 2nd guy says, " thats nothing. i had to promise mine i'd get a swimming pool put into the back garden. They continue to play the next hole when they realise that the 3rd guy has said nothing so the 1st guy says to him," you're quiet today, what did you have to do to get away with playing golf?" 3rd guy says," i just did what i normally do, set my alarm for 5.30 am, when it goes off i wake the wife and say golf course or intercourse? , and she says wear your sweater.

2006-10-04 08:48:08 · 11 answers · asked by mine of useless information 1