Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, flash cards, special learning centers. In a last-ditch effort, they took Tommy and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

After the first day, Little Tommy came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

His mother was amazed.

She called him to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

This went on for some time, day after day while his mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, Little Tommy brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books.

With great trepidation, his mom looked at it. To her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math.

She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"

Little Tommy looked at her and shook his head, "No!"

"Well, then," she asked, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?"

Little Tommy looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around!"

2006-10-04 19:46:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage.

Finding the politicians, he buries them.

The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"

The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."

2006-10-04 19:43:40 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-04 19:31:38 · 20 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

Approximately, at what time of the day was Adam born?
A: A little before Eve!

Heheh. And here is today's riddle:

What do you a "X" after he showered?

Have fun!

2006-10-04 19:30:56 · 10 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.

If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history :- Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne ,Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield >wipers and laser printers all have in common? (Ans. - All invented by women.)

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A snail can sleep for three year

All polar bears are left handed.

2006-10-04 19:30:34 · 9 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

Answer as soon as u can.

2006-10-04 19:12:51 · 17 answers · asked by charu 1

i dont wont him to think im a freak

2006-10-04 19:11:30 · 2 answers · asked by sexygirl_looking4u 1

2006-10-04 19:01:07 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two ghouls are sitting in a bar enjoying a nice cold beer. One turns to the other and says, "hey! you look familiar".
2nd one says, "so do you! Where ya from?"
"Translvania".
"Me too! What a small world!"
First one says, "I live over in the city cemetery."
2nd one, "WOW, me too!"
1st one asks,"Where did you go to school? I graduated Trans HIgh in 1786"
2nd one exclaims, "You're kidding! So DID I!"
At the other end of the bar, a mummy asks the bartender whats going on. The bartender replies, "Not much, the zombie twins are drunk again."

2006-10-04 19:00:03 · 14 answers · asked by Newageseer 3

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend. The friend recommended a kosher place nearby.

They arrived and Dubya's friend ordered them both the house specialty: matzo ball soup.

The waiter brought the bowls and George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly liked it.

After Dubya was finished he said, "Mmm mmm, that was good! But tell me, do you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?"

2006-10-04 18:46:37 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
The wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they peeved me off.
Help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the *** that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

HAVE A GOOD WORK WEEK--
GET YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING DONE !!!! GEEZ...........

2006-10-04 18:40:12 · 2 answers · asked by trunorth36 1

Name a cork, a Mork, and a dork.

2006-10-04 18:36:20 · 3 answers · asked by opjames 4

Enjoy these wonderful and amazing hard to believe facts.

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.

2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

3. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

7. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

8. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

9. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

10. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

11. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

2006-10-04 18:33:53 · 13 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

it can also be to improve my english vacobulary,entettainment such as puzzles

2006-10-04 18:33:21 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

2006-10-04 18:31:58 · 3 answers · asked by trunorth36 1

2006-10-04 18:27:16 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Hollywood Prison.

2006-10-04 18:27:06 · 4 answers · asked by opjames 4

So a penguin takes his car in for a checkup. While waiting he decides to go have some ice cream. Not having any hands he gets a little bit of ice cream on him. Afterwards he heads back to the shop to check on his car. The mechanic tells the penguin, "Looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replies, "no no that's just a little ice cream".

2006-10-04 18:22:29 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young woman was walking home late one nite. She heard a loud banging behind her in the street. She turned and saw an upright coffin bouncing down the street towards her. Terrified, she let out a shriek and ran for her house! The banging and clunking stayed right behind her the whole way home. Bang, Scrape, Clunk, BANG.... She got to her house, fumbled with her keys at the front door, dropped them, picked them up and finally got the door open, the whole while the coffin is getting closer and closer. She rushed into the house and slammed the door shut and locked it. About the time she got it locked, the coffin starts slamming into the door. She runs upstairs and hides in her bathroom. She hears wood splintering, then BANG, BANG BANG coming up the stairs and towards the bathroom. She huddles behind the toilet as it batters the door. Desperate, she grabs a box of cough drops off the countertop and throws it at the coffin as it bursts into the room. The coffin stopped.

2006-10-04 18:15:11 · 16 answers · asked by Newageseer 3

Name a tick, a Mick, and a dick.

2006-10-04 18:12:57 · 2 answers · asked by opjames 4

Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here. No one knows your secret place.

You are in total seclusion.

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding under the water.
There now. Feeling better?

2006-10-04 18:11:05 · 2 answers · asked by trunorth36 1

" I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told the counselor. "Has she started to neglect you?" " Not at all," the dejected man replied.

"She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss.

My shirts are always ironed

She's a great cook,

The house is always neat.

She keeps the kids out of my hair.

She lets me choose the television shows we watch

She never objects to kinky sex or says she has a headache."

"So what's the problem?"

"Maybe I'm just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, but at night, when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers

Die! Die, you son of a *****!

2006-10-04 18:04:50 · 5 answers · asked by trunorth36 1

Slap her in the *** and say "Get Back To Work " !!

Sorry Ladies !! It's a Joke !!!

Rate It 1-10

2006-10-04 18:02:32 · 6 answers · asked by trunorth36 1

When was I born?
born in 1988.
Provide Month and Date

2006-10-04 17:49:57 · 16 answers · asked by Forrest T 1

-this is done all with your right arm

1. take ur right arm and put it straight up in the air
2. bend ur wrist so that it looks like you jus shot a basketball
3. then bend ur elbow so that it touches ur chest
4. when done that....hit ur chest and try to bite ur left ear.....

if you dont get it ...you probably messed up....lol

2006-10-04 17:48:40 · 11 answers · asked by MzChamillinator 5

Remember Edna who we saw all the different pictures of a few months back. We now have a perfect match for her. What about a yahoo wedding? What should they do?

2006-10-04 17:45:49 · 4 answers · asked by kriend 7

2006-10-04 17:43:52 · 10 answers · asked by ♥Raven 6

Just one, to call a repairman

2006-10-04 17:41:31 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded.

"You're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

2006-10-04 17:40:54 · 7 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-10-04 17:40:36 · 11 answers · asked by shotohell7 2