Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

2006-10-19 03:52:43 · 17 answers · asked by JinMu 2

2006-10-19 03:50:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

sorry didnt know how to categorize this question

2006-10-19 03:45:33 · 3 answers · asked by Kurt Cobain2 2

i hide in the dark
i have endless knowledge
what am I

2006-10-19 03:38:19 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

At least get it close! Half the time a question makes no sense at all, with extra letters and words thrown in, and lots of letters and words missing.
Really - I would laugh at the funny ones if I could understand them!.

2006-10-19 03:36:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is going to make you so MAD! There are three words
in the English language that end in "gry". ONE is angry and the other is hungry. EveryONE knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for.
EveryONE uses them everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've given you the third word. What is it? _______gry?

2006-10-19 03:35:21 · 14 answers · asked by Meda1nonly 1

2006-10-19 03:31:37 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Finish the limerick!

2006-10-19 03:31:26 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

it doesn't hurt to take a good hard look at yourself sometimes and this should help get you started.
during a visit to a mental asylum a visitor asked the director what the criterion was which helped decide whether or not a person should be institutionilized."well" said the director "we offer the patient a teaspoon,a teacup or a bucket and ask him or her to empty the bath", "oh i see" said the visitor "a normal person would choose the bucket as its bigger than the cup or spoon", "no" said the director"a normal person would pull the plug,do u want a bed near the window?"

did you pass?or do you want a bed next to mine?

2006-10-19 03:26:35 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

>
>
>
>
>
None, they can already see the light.
.

2006-10-19 03:20:00 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Does anyone remember this little jingle?

Lulu had a steam boat
steam boat had a bell
Lulu went to heaven
steamboat went to hel...
Hello operator, give me number nine
If you disconnect me I'll kick you in the be...
Behind the frigerator was a piece of glass
Lulu sat upon it and cut her little as....
Ask me no question and I'll tell you no lies.....
??????????????????

Last few lines are all a blurr. Does anyone remember this?

2006-10-19 03:15:03 · 9 answers · asked by seabreeze951 5

You're standing in front of two doors. Behind each door is a man. WIth one of the men is a tiger waiting to eat you. One man always tells the truth; he is incapable of lying. The other is a perpetual liar; he is incapable of telling the truth. Your goal, of course, is to exit through the door without the tiger so he won't eat you. Here's your challenge: by asking THE SAME QUESTION to both men, determine which door the tiger is behind. No multiple-answer questions--one question to each; one answer from each. Good luck. By the way, there are no "trick" answers. This is legitimate.

2006-10-19 03:13:29 · 15 answers · asked by Hemingway 4

a women goes to see a doctor who happens to be chinese. she asks the doctor what is rong with her as she hasnt had sex in over a year and men run away when we get down to business. doctor says (chinese accent) i need you to strip and get on all fours, so the woman strips and gets on all fours. the doctor says now if you crawl to the far corner and back again for. so the women crawls to the far corner and back again. the doctor says ahh i see the problem, you have exactly disease. the women asks what the hell is that, the doctor answers her, im afraid your face looks exactly like your ar se

2006-10-19 03:12:07 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

Take the first 2 letters off of your first & Last name, then put it all together and see how it comes out. Here is mine......first=is & last=land so all together it is="island"

2006-10-19 03:11:27 · 5 answers · asked by ghostguff3 2

Below is a list of objectives and points acheived for a
Hit 'n' Run incident.

Small furry rodent
10 pts

Small mammal
25 pts

Large mammal
75 pts

Bird-any size
15 pts... bonus 50 pts if airborne

Small child
100 pts... bonus 50 pts if on trike

Large child
150 pts... bonus 50 pts if on bike

High School student
200 pts... bonus 100 pts on skateboard

College student
300 pts... bonus 200 pts if drunk

Anyone on roller blades
300 pts... bonus 50 pts if on sidewalk

Pedestrian
50 pts... bonus 25 pts if holding object/child

Jogger/runner
25 pts... bonus 10 pts if w/walkman

Famous person
200 pts... bonus 100 pts if w/security

Officer directing traffic
150 pts

Student Security Assistant
250 pts

Resident Assistant
500 pts

Construction worker
100 pts

Snow bank
50 pts...bonus 50 pts if covering hard object

Any stationary object
100 pts... bonus 50 pts if object jumps out at you

Any building
200 pts... bonus 200 pts if fast food restaurant

Entering building with car
2000 pts... bonus 200 pts for each occupant in car

Any President
2000 pts

Kid Idiot (Police Cadet)
150 pts... bonus 100 pts if directing traffic

Airplane
1500 pts

Boat
1500 pts

Elvis
2500 pts

any other "dead" person
1000 pts

any other moving vechicle
100 pts

anything on wheels
150 pt

anything not on this list
150 pts

Creator of this list
1500 pts... bonus 100 pts if armed

Bonus Points

Person lands on feet
75 pt

Person still posseses object
100 pts

Blonde People
50 pts

Vehicle does not recieve dammage
100 pts

No blood on vehicle
200 pts

Larger vehicle
-150 pts

Speed trap
-100 pts + citation

citation
-1 pt per dollar

police vehicle
-1000 pts

2006-10-19 02:43:14 · 6 answers · asked by Cool Z 5

a man goes home to his girlfriend with a duck under his arm and states this is the pig ive been seeing. the girlfriend says thats a duck. the man says i no i was talking to the duck

2006-10-19 02:42:56 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

when a man with an erection walks into a wall and hits his nose first

2006-10-19 02:36:17 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man is sitting looking at a photogragh. he says to himself. brothers and sisters have i none but this mans father is my fathers son. who is he?

2006-10-19 02:29:30 · 46 answers · asked by margaret 1

Okay so there are two twin girls

On their birthday the first one is 20 and the other is 22

How can this be ??

2006-10-19 02:24:01 · 26 answers · asked by Brown_Sugar 3

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for £50.

At the second house they presented him with an 18-carat goldwatch.

The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a beautiful blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde beauty fixed him a full English breakfast: bacon, eggs, sausage & tomato with freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she
poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

2006-10-19 02:19:33 · 13 answers · asked by IndieChick 2

with no arms, no legs and floating in the sea?

Correct answer wins.

2006-10-19 01:58:05 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regulas basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any"
"But I always buy it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist...
"Yes" said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of under arm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container..........."TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM"....

2006-10-19 01:56:55 · 34 answers · asked by prettywoman 6

he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. "is this your husband" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies,snuggling up to him! "You're boyfriend then?" he continues.... "No not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"is it your dad or your brother?" he inquired, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!!" she answers.
"well who in the hell is he then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery!"

2006-10-19 01:44:41 · 34 answers · asked by prettywoman 6

Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff are quite surprised at this display of emotion, and sit
nervously watching as the President sits with his head in his hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

2006-10-19 01:39:24 · 35 answers · asked by zorroorojo 3

2006-10-19 01:34:01 · 15 answers · asked by tom 1

coming home drunk covered in lipstick smelling of perfume then slapping the wife on the @rse and saying your next fatty!!!!!

2006-10-19 01:25:34 · 21 answers · asked by simon s 1

scientists have discovered the average c--k weighs 8oz,but can't decide what the average c--t weighs pop on the scales and e-mail me back.

2006-10-19 01:21:52 · 14 answers · asked by simon s 1

life with a man is like a pack of cards you need a heart to love him,a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his head in and a spade to bury the b-----d.!!!!

2006-10-19 01:18:47 · 21 answers · asked by simon s 1

Good: Your wife is pregnant.


Bad: It's triplets.


Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.



Good: You're wife's not talking to you.


Bad: She wants a divorce.


Ugly: She's a lawyer.



Good: Your son is finally maturing.


Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.


Ugly: So are you!



Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.


Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.


Ugly: You're in them!

2006-10-19 01:17:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

5000 israeli troops have just entered jordan,early reports say she is tired and her fanny is a bit sore.

2006-10-19 01:14:50 · 13 answers · asked by simon s 1